How do you accept yourself?

[Madgirl143]

Highly empathetic people soak up energies non-stop. We are spiritual creatures living a human existence. Your emotions may not always be your own. Remember this.

It's easier when you get older to manage your empathy and to push off negative or unwanted emotions that harm your energy field.

I've been in a very toxic relationship, one where I lost myself you could say, but after I put a final nail in that coffin, the healing process began and after some time I was me again. And now, after learning from those times what is NOT healthy for me, I can see immediate signs that spark red flags. And with swift judgment, I won't allow anything to threaten my peace of mind, so long as I can control it. Usually it's not the situation / thing / person itself, but the feelings generated by a situation. So it's a matter of managing and controlling your own mind, and focusing on solutions rather than being controlled by your emotions.

At work I deal with unwarranted harassment from management. And it's a matter of fighting off negativity (mostly thoughts) and keeping my inner peace. It pertains to an individual and a situation I have little control over, so I've weighed the consequences, potential courses of action, and after many months, have found windows of peace to enter when a situation occurs, which makes recurring episodes more tolerable. And, after I leave this job, I will be proud of how I took hold of a seemingly powerless situation.

Meditation has also done wonders for me lately. Seek out reiki / yoga, and other forms of spiritual cleansing.

Thank you very much that is really motivating. I guess I have noticed that I find it hard to control my feelings so I am seeking out ways to develop good boundaries and the ability to stay grounded. Thanks.

 

[Vict]

Some confidence, some compartmentalization, some ignorance.

Time of course. It's already April of 2018. I am 35 and soon I may be 40.

 

[HelloItsMe]

I haven't read any other responses but (and no agro here but wanted to say) it might not be great to use the term 'normal' in the way you have xD it hurts a bit, there is no such thing as normal, i fully understand what you meant when you worded it like that though and I know you weren't being rude. Please dont think im being aggressive, I just wanted to mention it.
In response to your question, INFJs are likely to experience mental illness because of the way their mind works, and experiencing mental illness doesn't mean people arent normal, 1 in 4 people experience mental illness at some point in their lives and i wouldnt like to say 1/4 of people arent normal, people are people sort of thing, no one knows what normal is. I guess you might have meant normal as in not with particular mental illness? If youre feeling lost maybe thinking about that might help you? Like, how you feel is OK even if it doesnt feel Ok...
I know a couple of INFJs who seem to love themselves and accept themselves completely, but theyre sitll the people who get me most and the people who I understand most. I think that tells me that my brain still works in a certain way, its just going in a negative direction, I think I just need to keep thinking.

 

[Pin]

I don't accept myself, improvement is non-negotiable for me.

 

[Lurk]

In addition to what Wyote wrote:

Just think of yourself with all the labels and experiences removed. What remains of you? IMO, there is always something left, even if it is only a small part, that is singular to every person. And that is something that you can focus on, like an internal compass.

I agree. And, if there is only a small part left, that's kind of sad. All of the wasted years, you know?

 

[Ginny]

I agree. And, if there is only a small part left, that's kind of sad. All of the wasted years, you know?

Small is a relative term.

Nothing is wasted when it provides you with an additional experience to help guide you in the right direction.

 

[noisebloom]

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship or experience that left you so broken that you weren't sure whether you had a mental illness or whether it was just because of your MBTI? How did you deal with it and steer clear of it? How did you accept yourself in terms of MBTI?

This is very personally relevant to me.

I was heavily gaslighted in my last relationship (first post-divorce relationship, and much too soon at that). The problems I had with the relationship itself were dismissed by my SO as my own emotional projections. I believed this throughout the relationship, pretty much until the end, when my friends and acquaintances swooped into to reassure me that I was in fact not crazy and she was a box o' nuts.

So yeah, I definitely was not sure of who I was. From my anecdote, you can see that friends/other people definitely helped me to assure myself that I was indeed "normal." I find this kind of "objectivity" really useful, especially if you have people in your life that won't sugarcoat stuff (thankfully, most of my friends are extremely frank people - mostly INTPs). It's hard to self-assess when distressed (hmm, good album name?).

Telling yourself "I'm not the typical xxxx MBTI type" is not super constructive, and I can see how that would cause identity issues. Yeah, there's a stereotype behind each type, but there is much more to you than that stereotype (imagine how cheesy of a sitcom we'd create if we had every character be purely a type). MBTI relies on idealistic absolutes, when everyone is really on the spectrum (which is a big reason why I'm not a fan of MBTI - I usually only use it to generalize for premises and as convenient aliases for the cognitive functions).

Aside from MBTI, accepting yourself can be difficult. It's easy to tell yourself that you're going to think differently about something, but I personally find it hard, a lot of the time. As human beings, we often like to dwell on our flaws and shortcomings, and sometimes wish we were someone else. Try to stick to positive people that accept you, keep a journal or make lists about the things in life you love and what you are proud of, try CBT, meditation, etc. There are many great tools out there, but you may find that some will work for you better than others.

 

[flower]

Still learning. Every one of us is unique in their own special way and it's beautiful and exciting. I guess acceptance comes with healthy self-esteem, time and having more life experiences in general.

 

[TheGoodOlDrama]

Mmmmmm. Maybe it happened once that I was really hurt about the break up. But I think if I was with her was because I liked her body too. And I had fun too. So... Whatever man. You lose sometimes you win sometimes. Yo do things, you don't regret them.

 

[zetturn]

Just don't, hate yourself till you can kick everyone's ass in everything.