How do I (INFJ) motivate my INFP boyfriend?

[Gaze]

Why are you with him if he's not good enough for you? Apparently, his supposedly natural lack of motivation which is so obviously caused by his INFPness (I mean really?) is obviously bugging you. You don't want him. You sound like you're just trying to find flaws in him that you can attribute to the fact that he is INFP. The way you describe him, we're to assume that most if not all INFPs are just lazy people who need others to push them to get anything done. And apparently, INFPs need someone to push them to do what they "should' be doing, which sounds more like pleasing others. I mean is there any personality type which actually likes being told what to do? No, so not an INFP trait. That's a human trait in general. Sounds like you enjoy thinking of yourself as more sophisticated than he is because you feel you are better than he is. If he does not have the qualities you want, quit making him out to be someone who is sooooo lacking in what you want in a partner - ambition and motivation, and find someone who has those qualities who you don't have to "parent".

 

[JennyDaniella]

Why are you with him if he's not good enough for you? Apparently, his supposedly natural lack of motivation which is so obviously caused by his INFPness (I mean really?) is obviously bugging you. You don't want him. You sound like you're just trying to find flaws in him that you can attribute to the fact that he is INFP. The way you describe him, we're to assume that most if not all INFPs are just lazy people who need others to push them to get anything done. And apparently, INFPs need someone to push them to do what they "should' be doing, which sounds more like pleasing others. I mean is there any personality type which actually likes being told what to do? No, so not an INFP trait. That's a human trait in general. Sounds like you enjoy thinking of yourself as managing him because you feel you are better than he is. If he does not have the qualities you want, quit making him out to be someone who is sooooo lacking in what you want in a partner - ambition and motivation, and find someone you don't have to "parent".

YES THANK YOU! I absolutely agree!

OP has already made two threads complaining about their differences-- and being an INFP really has nothing to do with it. Sounds like she isn't very accepting of who he is as a person and is bugged by his "lack of motivation", "how he dresses", "his career choice as a philosopher", "his overly optimistic view on humanity", etc, etc. I lost count on the other things she pointed out about him she dislikes and disapproves of.

I mean Jesus, if she is so irked by what he does and his point of view, then she should break up with the poor guy so he can be with someone who is more accepting, won't pinpoint his flaws, and be with someone more up his alley when it comes to professions and temper. Apparently, he isn't fitting OP's standards. Changing another person in a relationship is bound to be disastrous.

Also, If OP thinks there is such thing as a "perfect" person, she is shit out of luck--doesn't matter what personality type you are.

 

[Wyote]

Why are you with him if he's not good enough for you? Apparently, his supposedly natural lack of motivation which is so obviously caused by his INFPness (I mean really?) is obviously bugging you. You don't want him. You sound like you're just trying to find flaws in him that you can attribute to the fact that he is INFP. The way you describe him, we're to assume that most if not all INFPs are just lazy people who need others to push them to get anything done. And apparently, INFPs need someone to push them to do what they "should' be doing, which sounds more like pleasing others. I mean is there any personality type which actually likes being told what to do? No, so not an INFP trait. That's a human trait in general. Sounds like you enjoy thinking of yourself as more sophisticated than he is because you feel you are better than he is. If he does not have the qualities you want, quit making him out to be someone who is sooooo lacking in what you want in a partner - ambition and motivation, and find someone who has those qualities who you don't have to "parent".

Lmao right! My initial response to this thread was gonna be "why don't you just let him live his life!" ...but I didn't wanna start anything

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

Reminds me of someone...

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

idk what I'm doing

 

[Wyote]

Lmfao I could not have even imagined where that was gonna go

 

[Asa]

INFPs have no problem being motivated and successful if they're doing something they believe in.

@Artemisia is just being Artemisia. I think she enjoys this dynamic in her relationship. All her posts are kind of like this.

Here's the thing, though: He may be insecure about his poetry, or have low self-esteem, and that could be hindering his ambition. Artists, writers, musicians, etc, don't get to leave their work at work when they go home. They are mentally and emotionally connected to their work. They are sensitive about their work and many (most - especially the more egotistical ones) have self esteem issues. I'd guess being a philosopher is similar because thinking and 'pondering' is so personal. Pressuring him will probably backfire. Just be supportive in a non-pushy, non-goal oriented way. I'd also try to get him to go out and do fun stuff that will inspire his work. A bit of inspiration can kill a bit of insecurity.

You should learn to be comfortable with the idea of him being 'poor', though. Poets, philosophers, and teachers don't make a lot of money. The stereotype that you must love your partner's faults is true, because if you do not, the longer the relationship continues the more those faults will irk you.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

@Artemisia is just being Artemisia.

/thread

 

[Jonah Caan]

The love of my life was an INFP male and I myself am an INFJ male.

He had deep-rooted issues with his confidence, self esteem and motivation to put his plans into action. I loved him dearly and so naturally, I just showed him love through my actions. I knew if he saw himself through my eyes then he would begin to love himself and that would then spark his self-confidence and so on.

Never, ever point out an INFPs short-comings. I'm sorry I'm generalising this but he took criticism very personally - something I found that most INFPs do. I always let him reach out to me if he needed advice or anything else. This was because I hate to give unsolicited advice but this is good for an INFP because they don't like to be told what to do.

INFP's have their core values and they will never step outside of these so there will be some things that he cannot change within him; you will have to respect them and accept them.

Just be careful that you're not pushing him too much; INFPs tend to avert confrontation at all costs until they're full to the brim. That could be disaster for the relationship.

You think that he is talented; reinforce this and remind him that you do. Only if it's genuine though, otherwise he'll close up.