[INFJ] Help needed: how to approach an INFJ?

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Hi INFJs! I have HUGE crush on a cute young INFJ girl. This story is really weird :sunglasses: If you don't like reading boring stories just skip to questions.

Two years I looked at her at mall. Than she turned her head, our eyes met for a first time and she gave that big smile. I wasn't able to reach her as she was leaving with her class. I wasted my only chance for love - she had everything I would need. It was just killing me inside but I was moving abroad anyway..

Than I came back to my country. I have seen girl like her in my church. I wasn't sure at first because I am not using glasses :D Both had typical Ni eyes, and most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen. Also facial expressions of both are similar and the age is same. You are not meeting INFJ like that every day - so it has to be same person ;>

I was thinking how to catch her attention or create "proper situation". She never looked at me. I thought that she doesn't remember me. As far as I know INFJs also pretend not to be interested (second option). INTPs do that too :tongueout:

Finally I became impatient of waiting for perfect situation that will never happen. One day I gave an intense look as she was passing. Than when I was passing she gave that analytical look.

Unluckily I haven't seen her for few months but again I have seen that she is looking at me. If it was her: she must have dyed her hair - screw my eyes! :grin::grin:

TLDR:
I suppose that I will see her in less than three weeks. I need to prepare a plan.

QUESTIONS:
1. How to approach her? There is no possibility to talk to her alone - she is always with her friends. My ideas:

a). Make eye contacts and than just grab her and talk to her. Probably everyone will know what is going on. I don't care but she might be embarrassed.

b). Pretend that she is needed for something. Still, her fiends will probably know what is going on.

c). Give her a paper with my number. Super silly.:fearful:

d). Write a massage on her facebook. Ultra silly.:fearscream:

2. Hugging and stuff. Are you instantly ready for hugs from a person you are attracted to? Or: how long should I wait? :P I suppose privacy is needed.

3. Is it easy to scare you with strong feelings? I see that for most girls our (INTP's) 100% Fe ON is off-putting. Is it better to "wear mask" not to show too much at the beginning?

Thanks for your help :yum:
 
I feel so misunderstood in this world :confused1:

I am 99,5% sure that attraction is mutual. I know how to talk to INFJ. I know good topics, I am also good at making proper first impressions. I am just wondering if I will stop her while she is with friends will not make her uncomfortable.

Hugging point is about latter interaction.
 
INTP user said:
I feel so misunderstood in this world :confused1:

I am 99,5% sure that attraction is mutual. I know how to talk to INFJ. I know good topics, I am also good at making proper first impressions. I am just wondering if I will stop her while she is with friends will not make her uncomfortable.
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Ask her if she likes you.
 
INTP user said:
I feel so misunderstood in this world :confused1:

I am 99,5% sure that attraction is mutual. I know how to talk to INFJ. I know good topics, I am also good at making proper first impressions. I am just wondering if I will stop her while she is with friends will not make her uncomfortable.

Hugging point is about latter interaction.
Click to expand...

I don't really believe you. Otherwise why would you need to make a plan? It's gotta be natural and all that other INFJazz
 
I don't think all INFJs would respond the same to a similar approach. Basic advice would be, like they mentioned, be natural. Be yourself. There's nothing wrong with texting or messaging her on Facebook. It gets someone's attention and lets them know you're there. Don't spam. Don't be rude. Personally, strong feelings, especially when I'm not ready for a relationship, scare me away, and I'd likely not respond for weeks. (With one guy, it's been months, and while I feel terrible, I need the space.)

Just genuinely want to get to know her as a person. Don't do things that make her feel uncomfortable. Basic human stuff.

ETA: Please do not grab someone in a hug unless given permission. =)
 
INTP user said:
I wasted my only chance for love

[...]

If it was her
Click to expand...
Plot twist: two different girls and OP might need prescription glasses, but this also means OP has crushes on two girls, thus disproving his assumption.
OP has multiple chances for luuuuuv.
giphy.gif


Downside: OP might get smacked by elderly church lady for this behaviour.
 
Professor Snep said:
Plot twist: two different girls and OP might need prescription glasses, but this also means OP has crushes on two girls, thus disproving his assumption.
OP has multiple chances for luuuuuv.
giphy.gif


Downside: OP might get smacked by elderly church lady for this behaviour.
Click to expand...
z0f2Vev.gif
 
Professor Snep said:
Plot twist: two different girls and OP might need prescription glasses, but this also means OP has crushes on two girls, thus disproving his assumption.
OP has multiple chances for luuuuuv.

Downside: OP might get smacked by elderly church lady for this behaviour.
Click to expand...

Actually.. three :D So many INFJs, so many possibilities :hearteyes:

Happy Phantom said:
z0f2Vev.gif
Click to expand...

Stop making fun of my feelings and glasses! I already lost a chance for great ENFJ who seemed to be really into me - I didn't recognize her when I met her second time.. (I wasn't interested due to my INFJs anyway)
 
heiots said:
I don't think all INFJs would respond the same to a similar approach. Basic advice would be, like they mentioned, be natural. Be yourself. There's nothing wrong with texting or messaging her on Facebook. It gets someone's attention and lets them know you're there. Don't spam. Don't be rude. Personally, strong feelings, especially when I'm not ready for a relationship, scare me away, and I'd likely not respond for weeks. (With one guy, it's been months, and while I feel terrible, I need the space.)

Just genuinely want to get to know her as a person. Don't do things that make her feel uncomfortable. Basic human stuff.
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The main question - is this a good idea?
Look at her to make eye contact and take her from her friends. By grabbing I meant that I will e.g. [gently] grab her hand move her away. Nothing unexpected. Same situation for me would be a little uncomfortable for my younger self. There is some kind of pressure (presence of friends) hard to avoid.


Talking shouldn't be hard as there is always some chemistry within INTP and INFJ. Also if she is interested it is also her job :sunglasses:The safest way should talk serious in non serious way, that should not be overwhelming. There is no point in pretending as I prefer to be liked for who I am.

heiots said:
ETA: Please do not grab someone in a hug unless given permission. =)
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Thanks, I will print two copies of hug permission form =)

I have to clarify what I meant in the beginning. As for me if I developed attraction [i suppose] I am ready for hugs. Even if I am talking for a first time. However, if you are not close enough - you can even be my sister, it is still not enough - it will make me uncomfortable. I don't like half-hugs, it feels like duty. I am just thinking ahead and wondering how it works for INFJs.
 
ruji said:
Maybe you're in love with your own thoughts. Pervert
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Well, aren't you totally head over heels with your own saucy perverted thoughts? Now I feel like a total weirdo.

Happy Phantom said:
Just stare at her. That’s it. She will either run away, or speak to you.
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@Happy Phantom 's right you know, there's no point in treating her like an unique individual. Just approach her as if her entire life, personal beliefs and behaviour were defined by some theoretic personality label. And give her that saucy romantic look.
giphy.gif
 
Happy Phantom said:
Just stare at her. That’s it. She will either run away, or speak to you.
Click to expand...
When people do this to me I look them in the eyes and say, "Is there something that you need?", ... this usually causes them to look away, or run away. Others tell me it's because I seem intimidating, to which I say them stsring at me like that is creepy:P
 
ruji said:
Well, you either do something or do nothing. She either likes you or doesn't. Perhaps you can plan your marriage before you even say hello.
You're putting too much energy into your thoughts about her without actually knowing her. Maybe you're in love with your own thoughts. Pervert
Click to expand...

Professor Snep said:
Well, aren't you totally head over heels with your own saucy perverted thoughts? Now I feel like a total weirdo.
Click to expand...

Can we really perceive reality? Is vibe less true than words and actions? From my experience I that I am able to guess intentions and how interaction will look like without "real" data.

Happy Phantom said:
Just stare at her. That’s it. She will either run away, or speak to you.
Click to expand...
This is what I am planning to do. But doing it in presence of her friends is safe? She looks very shy so I am considering it as a risk, even if she is interested (I think she is).

Sandie33 said:
When people do this to me I look them in the eyes and say, "Is there something that you need?", ... this usually causes them to look away, or run away. Others tell me it's because I seem intimidating, to which I say them stsring at me like that is creepy:p
Click to expand...
You are from US.. it's not you.. :coldsweat:
 
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