Help. ISTJ or INTJ? | INFJ Forum

Help. ISTJ or INTJ?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by INFJ14, Feb 11, 2015.

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  1. INFJ14

    INFJ14 Three

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    I’m trying to correctly type my bf. Can anyone help? He did the test once and came out as ISTJ but somehow it doesn’t sit well with me and I wonder whether he is an INTJ rather. Also, my dad is an ISTJ and there are some significant differences between them that confuse me…

    With my dad, I definitely see the “duty fulfiler” in him. He will do anything for his family, and seems happy when doing chores for us, like fixing something or driving us around etc. He was also very responsible/reliable at work. He definitely shows his love practically (supporting us financially and doing things for us). But I find that he lacks depth, and doesn't seem at all caught up in his head or thoughts or feelings. In fact, I often wonder what does make him tick or what does go through his mind, other than just daily practical thoughts.

    My bf has some similar traits, but then some differences. He will do anything for me, and nothing is too much trouble, when it’s for me, he is committed and takes his role of bf very seriously, and in that sense, is very loyal to his duties. But is that just because he really loves me? Differences are that my father in incapable of having discussions that are not practical (anything emotional, psychological, or spiritual). While my bf’s first choice is not these types of discussions, he has no problems/aversion to joining in. My father simply glazes over or leaves the room. Also, my bf has no problems going against rules if he doesn’t agree with them. He occasionally smokes weed, and says that he likes the way it opens the mind. My father definitely never had any interest in going there. In this way, he has more “depth” than my dad (but definitely not as much as me, as an extreme INFJ.) He is also more open emotionally than my dad, he is affectionate, and able to express love/affection verbally, even though he is definitely an ITJ and not an IFJ, and sometimes a bit emotionally awkward/uncomfortable.

    My bf is very attached to his identity as a thinker, and somebody who is intelligent. There is a slight arrogance in his identity as an intellectual, and sees himself as not “normal” (as in, possible better than the norm in this regard). My father certainly has no real pride or identity in being “smart” (even though he is intelligent, although definitely not an intellectual). The things my bf likes the most about me, or what initially attracted him to me was my “mind”.



    Sometimes I wonder why my dad even married, simply because that was convention? He doesn’t seem to really have a deep need for a companion or lover, other than for practical reasons. He loves us deeply and is a wonderful father, but has not provided my mom with much companionship, other than providing stability (financial, and security and absolute loyalty), but there has been little emotional/mind connection. My bf, like me, was extremely picky about his choice in a mate, fearing he would never find somebody good enough (compatible enough) and be alone forever because he would never compromise or settle. I feel my dad had very little expectation in this regard, it just needed to work practically. I don’t think he even thought about a deeper compatibility much.

    My bf He is very, very, interested in current affairs and politics, as well as history and law. He studied language, art, and law at university. My father also watches the news and takes an interest in current affairs but is not as interested in the connectedness of stories etc. as my bf.

    I’m INFJ with very high I, N, and F — so I love philosophy, spirituality, psychology etc. He is more likely to go with fact and rationality and can be a skeptic. I wonder if this indicates a preference for S or whether it’s just because he is more identified with thinking, which is rational? I don’t think he goes with his “gut” much, and would much rather rely on thoughts or facts and rational reasoning. This is my main reason for questioning S vs N?

    On the enneagram, I would type my dad as an 8, and my bf as a 5.
    My dad was an accountant, my bf is a writer.

    I know these are some random facts, but what does it sound like to you? INTJ or ISTJ?
     
  2. the

    the Si master race.
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    What does your bf think?
     
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  3. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    Both.
    It's hard to say.

    One clue you didn't mention is whether he has sudden ideas sometimes. Sudden insights, that pop up. That's a clear sign of N.

    In tests that give you a percentage I score about 55% or 60% in favour of N.
    I am traditional and loyal. I like practical stuff. I'm skeptical of change. I have a good memory and can remember stuff from ages ago.
    But I love abstract thinking. I see connections in EVERYTHING. I love talking about stuff like philosphy and psychology. I also have those insights ALL the time, thus I'm pretty clear an N if you ask me.

    Your dad sounds like my dad. Very clearly an S (also ISTJ).
    You sound a lot more N than I do. And your BF seems a little more S than I am.


    100% S -- dads --------------------- BF -- | --- me ---------- you? -------------- 100% N


    That is if you see N/S as a scale with two ends.
    It could also be that they are two seperate scales. And you are simply the one in which you score highest.

    0% N --- dads ------------------------------------ | ------------- BF --------- me --- you -------- 100% N

    0% S -------------------- you? ------------------- | -------- me --- BF ------------------- dads -- 100% S

    Just some guessing. This would show that both the S AND N of your boyfriend are strong, which is totally possible.
     
  4. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    He may love you. Its likely thought that if he does, its not in a way that would come to you easily.
    Theres nothing to say if he does or does not so do not read too much into it.
    You should ask directly "Do you love me." Just be prepared for the truth. In my past my response has always been, "I like you a great deal. I may not know what love is though. If I do not know what love is I may love you or I may not."
    For some, part of being in love is feeling like you cannot live without the other person. So if this is needed part of love, I can say I have never been in love myself.
     
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  5. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    Oh and I am by far not an expert in this but your bf does sound more intj that istj.
    Perhaps have him take a test that would be considered more accurate than the one he originally took...
     
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  6. HunterO

    HunterO Community Member

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    If he's arrogant he probably is an INTJ :lol:

    ISTJs are pretty chill and they always downplay their strengths.
     
  7. OP
    INFJ14

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    Eventhorizon, Thanks so much for the reply :) I wasn't questioning at all whether he loves me or not. I have no doubts that he does - as I said, he's affectionate and open with his love. He tells me all the time how much he loves me, and can even be quite sentimental. I am more interested in determining whether he is INTJ or ISTJ. Maybe he just isn't a very typical MBTI typing, because of course I know there is more to somebody that a personality testing result!
     
  8. Sriracha

    Sriracha Not here.
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    I'm thinking INTJ as well.
     
  9. [MENTION=13209]INFJ14[/MENTION] - You gave some clear and insightful descriptions for ISTJ & INTJ. The differences certainly resonates with me as my hubby is INTJ and father-in-law an ISTJ. I would trust your gut instinct and say bf definitely sounds like an INTJ.

    Out of curiosity (so I can compare notes) how does your bf/father deal with stress?
     
  10. I like and agree but don't you think their sarcasm (which I find highly amusing) makes up for their arrogance? :wink:
     
  11. OP
    INFJ14

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    Isabella, I don't think I can comment on my bf as accurately because we have no been together all that long. I suspect he withdraws, and I suspect he would be able to identify that he is stressed and why better than my father. My father is not good with stress, he can slightly aggressive/volatile/stubborn and negative OR more commonly he becomes very bodily conscious (says he doesn't feel well physically). My bf seems calmer in general, but that's maybe not a fair comment, considering I've known my dad all my life, and probably through more stress. My father would NEVER see a psychologist for problems, my bf would.
     
  12. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    This
     

  13. [MENTION=13209]INFJ14[/MENTION] Thanks for your response. I've observed the same thing - INTJ's generally don't exhibit visible signs of stress. Hubby is extremely calm under pressure (which is great for me as it gives me the opportunity to have guilt free mini-tantrums), but ISTJ father-in-law shows symptomatic responses to stress.
     
  14. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    INTJs are generally arrogant because we feel superior to everyone....
    Not.
    We do know what we know though and while we will consider additional or new information on a subject that may change our initial decision on it, we know we are absolutely correct in our initial assessments.
    Assurance may appear to be arrogance.
     
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  15. drummergirlbk

    drummergirlbk Community Member

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    I'm probably an INTJ, and your description of your bf really reminded me of myself quite a bit. My mom in an ISTJ and your description of him doesn't seem like my mother either. She is a lot like your ISTJ dad.

    As far as the Enneagram goes, INTJs very commonly score 5w6 and 5w4. Last time I checked I came out as a 5w4 which might explain why I was confused for an INFJ for quite some time. A lot of INFJs score 4w5.

    Also a little piece of advice with INTJ bfs/gfs. I'm not sure if all INTJs are like this but I personally have a tendancy to say things with good intentions but don't always realize the social implications until after they are said. In other words, sometimes I say things that people take offense to that I didn't realize was socially accepted as "offensive" until after the damage to the person I spoke to has already taken place. Compared to the rest of my friends, one being INFJ, I'm the most socially unaware and awkward of them all so keeping that in mind when dealing with an INTJ significant other will save you a lot of trouble. Just remember to not take offense at every little thing we say.
     
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    #15 drummergirlbk, Feb 21, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2015
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