Help! Getting her back | INFJ Forum

Help! Getting her back

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Triedandtrue, Nov 4, 2017.

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  1. Triedandtrue

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    I am an enfp 33 male that broke up with my 30 female infj due to long distance where we dated 2.5 years completely long distance except for the first month. It has been 10 months since the break up which blindsided her. Can I get her back?

    I was her first love, kiss, relationship and she thought we'd get married later this year.
     
  2. Icedream

    Icedream finally a butterfly

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    It is possible, but I wouldn't count on it. Fires are hard to rekindle after they die
     
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  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    You broke up with her and want to get back together? Have you tried contacting her? If you're serious, this is probably your only shot to get it right. Which I am going to guess would require major changes if she expected you would get married. Why did she think you would get married? Did you talk about that? Unless you're sure you are wanting the same level of commitment, I would think it best to leave her be.
     
    #3 acd, Nov 4, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2017
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  4. Icedream

    Icedream finally a butterfly

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    agreed
     
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  5. OP
    Triedandtrue

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    Yes we've been talking everyday almost since August and texting everyday but it armed like she was trying to figure out her feelings based on her Ni and Fe and then we had one big explosive argument that I felt I was kind of lead into and it seemed now her Ti kicked in to make it final that I'm but the ideal match in her mindand view
     
  6. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    You're better off looking elsewhere and focusing on yourself.
     
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  7. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    So this breakup came out of nowhere? Does it matter why you broke-up?

    To me, the "reason" for a break-up only matters if it is a real reason. Then, is it even fixable?

    I get the feeling you bailed on a difficult situation, and the love you had for her was predicated on her love for you, which you thought was gone. (I like to imagine scenarios when people don't explain shit)

    Anyway, it's simple. If you love her, do what you can to get her back. If you're afraid of doing the wrong thing, and ruining your chances, she never actually wanted you back anyway.

    This doesn't help unless you've already been there. But I believe that broken relationships aren't salvageable. To be clear, I do think it's possible to fix broken relationships, but I don't think it's worth it (unless you haven't learned yet) to sink your time into something which will be less than what it was, whether it be of love or trust.

    The mentality of needing to fix something broken is one that will put you at a significant disadvantage. I truly do understand the romanticism in this, but the strength in letting go is a valuable sacrifice, though it might not seem so right now.
     
  8. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    You spent one month together, and then the rest of your relationship was long-distance, which tells me you don't truly know each other, or have a balanced, "real life" relationship . So much is hidden in long-distance correspondence (of all types) and one month spent together 'in person' is not enough to truly know anyone and know whether you are compatible.
    You broke up ten months ago. There is a reason for that.

    Now you want her back? Ask yourself why.
    Are you truly in love with the complex, amazing, and flawed person she is, and do you think she is the right partner for you? Can you envision a concrete future with her? Do you know you'll get along in person? Or do you miss the dopamine rush of deep conversations, sexting, and being told you are loved by someone you can idealize because you've never been up close and personal with all their flaws, quirks, and habits? With a long-distance relationship you can fantasize about what life with the person will be like, instead of actually living it day-to-day. Your desire to repair the "relationship" is probably based on a romanticized perception of the relationship. Maybe you realized the intensity and loyalty of an INFJ's love is difficult to find in others, and that is what you miss, but let's not forget that she is also in love with a fantasy of what the two of you could be in person, and not the reality of a daily relationship.

    If you do get back together I advise some face-to-face time STAT.
    But honestly... move on, and find someone you can build a real relationship with in person.
     
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  9. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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  10. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways, and no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change."

    -The 80s
     
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  11. Happy Phantom

    Happy Phantom Well-known member

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    ENFP. :tearsofjoy: She won’t have him back and he’s probably having a wonderful time!
     
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  12. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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  13. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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  14. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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