Guilt etc.

[InsightFireNightJail]

So....

When you end up making a mistake in a relationship (romantic or friend) are you quick to want to "set it right"? If it is a big enough mistake and you can't really fix it easily, do you feel super guilty? Do you hate to have people mad at you?

For me: yes, yes, and yes.

I guess this is extraverted feeling in action? I would hate to think I am being a "people pleaser" but cannot deny the possibility.

I would appreesh-e-uh-tate you weighing in on this.

 

[KorJax]

Pretty much. Worst part about it is that depending on the person it involves it can drive them away even more (wanting to set it right and be active about it).

 

[Nixie]

I try and really look at the situation. If I feel that saying something will help, I will. Generally, most people appreciate the effort and this is the choice I make. If something really bad goes down <relationship ends> and there is no point in hashing out or bringing it up, I can let it go. To me guilt is only a manifestation of perceived perfection. I give everybody the same deal "you give me permission to be human, and I will give you permission to be human" approach. That isn't to say I don't feel bad but I don't feel overly guilty for long periods of time.

 

[InsightFireNightJail]

I try and really look at the situation. If I feel that saying something will help, I will. Generally, most people appreciate the effort and this is the choice I make. If something really bad goes down <relationship ends> and there is no point in hashing out or bringing it up, I can let it go. To me guilt is only a manifestation of perceived perfection. I give everybody the same deal "you give me permission to be human, and I will give you permission to be human" approach. That isn't to say I don't feel bad but I don't feel overly guilty for long periods of time.

Sonyab, this is the ideal I strive for sure but I can't seem to get the "let it go" part right in practice. When the other person doesn't want to work it out, it really floors me. How can they NOT want to work it out, you know?

This idea of guilt as a manifestation of perceived perfection, can you expand on that some?

 

[Trifoilum]

yes. :|

 

[kita]

I've been feeling guilty too. I just reconnected with someone I treated badly ten years ago...and can't sleep because of the guilt. I think it's too late to set it right, and I'm not really worried about the person being angry, since so much time has passed. I guess I'm just having trouble reconciling what I did with the person I want to be, and think I am sometimes.

 

[Nixie]

Perceived Perfection is the idea that we are capable of truely understanding and fulfilling someone else's needs and desires in a perfect way. We have ideas, we have clues, we have all sorts of theories but the bottom line is that everything is just a shot in the dark. Many times we don't even know what we need. I think strong Ni gives people the ability to aim the cannon better but it is still a shot in the dark. We assume and give ourselves powers we don't have when it comes to other people's emotions. You will always be liable to be wrong at any given time. Hence, give yourself permission to be human instead of believing you have godlike powers of control over others.