[INFJ] - Going to a night club tomorrow - ways to cope? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Going to a night club tomorrow - ways to cope?

SilverWolf

SilverWolf

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Sep 3, 2012
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One of my best friends' birthday is tomorrow, and we're going to have a party at his house with the "gang" (our friends, about 7-8 people) and then later in the evening the friend in question - for some reason - wants to go to a night club with bar and dancing.

I'm an introvert, that's no secret, but I really despise "going out". If it were a quiet bar for just hanging out and chatting with my friends, that would be fine, but they're all aiming to go somewhere crowded, loud and not very "sober". I am sensitive to noises and loud music, and particularly to people screaming.

I don't drink (and have never drunk large amounts of) alcohol, as I loathe the taste as well as what it does to people and their judgment and sense for boundaries.
I've had a girlfriend for more than 2 years, and won't join my friends' feeble attempts at hooking up with random girls they can't even talk to over the music. (My GF lives 150 miles away, she's studying at the university. Moving there myself soon, but can't bring her along for this.)

Yes, I realise this sounds like a rant, but can anyone relate? It's my friend's birthday and I want to come with them and not be the boring type, but I'm really wondering how on Earth I'm gonna get through this. The few times I've been forced to go out to dance - even with my girlfriend there - I've just kept looking at the watch wondering when the others will get tired and want to go home. I like going to sleep before midnight, so the only thing that will keep me from dozing off is the loud music and one of my friends' repetitive attempts to pour something with alcohol in it down my throat.

I know I'll cope, I must. But I feel so severely disconnected from everyone else in the entire room. Everyone else is having a good time, and I'd rather just stay at home with a movie or book. I mean, seriously, what the heck is so fun about getting drunk and jumping up and down on a dance floor for 5 hours, make out with at least 1 total stranger and then throw up outside, only to somehow wake up at home the next morning ready to brag about how you don't remember a thing? I look at people who do this, and in my eyes they are pretty pathetic. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even from this planet. Thoughts?
 
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Talk to the people who feel like you...they're not hard to miss.

I have always gone with the alcohol method myself. If I don't go too far with it then my cigarette breaks often end up like the advice given above.

I've been going to clubs on the regular for a couple of years now. It's rare to have a really good night if it is not a special occasion and in those cases, it is not the club that makes the night enjoyable.

Best advice is to suck it up and be there for your friend's birthday. It's one night and if you don't complain about it it will be much better. Don't bring other people down because you're not enjoying yourself. It might not be malicious but tongue-in-cheek comments about how bad clubs are force those who don't want to to face the reality of the situation and they will resent you for it...even if it looks like the words bounced right off them.
 
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Cornerstone said:
Best advice is to suck it up and be there for your friend's birthday. It's one night and if you don't complain about it it will be much better. Don't bring other people down because you're not enjoying yourself. It might not be malicious but tongue-in-cheek comments about how bad clubs are force those who don't want to to face the reality of the situation and they will resent you for it...even if it looks like the words bounced right off them.
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I will go through with it for his sake, and I have no intention of complaining. I am the kind of person who usually keeps negative feelings to myself, endeavouring to make people feel all right rather than give them a sense of guilt. I never make any snide remarks, and the words I do speak rarely bounce off people. My friends have never had a reason to resent me - only because I try so hard not to resent their drunkenness.
 
get drunk/stoned
 
If you're really dreading it, go to the party and excuse yourself to go home when they go dancing. It's not fun for anyone when it's obvious someone doesn't want to be there.
 
Lol. I've been invited to outings like these by my extravert friends.

I don't get invited anymore because I've always seemed to disappear once the celebrations reached the night club portion.
I guess they didn't like that, but, they can't understand how torturous it is for me.
 
Thanks for actually reading my post, guys. (Sarcasm detected? Probably.) Like I said, I don't drink alcohol.

bamf said:
If you're really dreading it, go to the party and excuse yourself to go home when they go dancing. It's not fun for anyone when it's obvious someone doesn't want to be there.
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We live in a small town, 30 km from the slightly larger town where the festivities take place. Two of my friends will drive. I have a license but won't bring a car, so nope, not an option unfortunately. Chance of getting away early withdrawn, I'm looking for a way to cope - which unfortunately makes it sound like I will look immensely bored. This is not the case, I am very adept at hiding my actual mood and set up a facade. Just pondering whether I should actually make an effort, or simply play Angry Birds on my mobile all night...
 
SilverWolf said:
Thanks for actually reading my post, guys. (Sarcasm detected? Probably.) Like I said, I don't drink alcohol.


We live in a small town, 30 km from the slightly larger town where the festivities take place. Two of my friends will drive. I have a license but won't bring a car, so nope, not an option unfortunately. Chance of getting away early withdrawn, I'm looking for a way to cope - which unfortunately makes it sound like I will look immensely bored. This is not the case, I am very adept at hiding my actual mood and set up a facade. Just pondering whether I should actually make an effort, or simply play Angry Birds on my mobile all night...
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I didn't mean to imply that you'd look immensely bored. I apologize. I didn't realize that there really wouldn't be a way for you to escape. If you really want to try for your friend, I'd recommend you get as involved as you feel comfortable, and when you start feeling uncomfortable, mysteriously disappear until you feel more centered. Angry Birds for an hour while sitting in a bathroom stall wouldn't be that terrible. Especially if it would allow you to attempt to socialize more after you got back in 'the zone'.
 
bamf said:
I didn't mean to imply that you'd look immensely bored. I apologize. I didn't realize that there really wouldn't be a way for you to escape. If you really want to try for your friend, I'd recommend you get as involved as you feel comfortable, and when you start feeling uncomfortable, mysteriously disappear until you feel more centered. Angry Birds for an hour while sitting in a bathroom stall wouldn't be that terrible. Especially if it would allow you to attempt to socialize more after you got back in 'the zone'.
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Oh, no offence taken, I was referring to my own choice of words. I wouldn't want to come across as a terribly boring person, mostly because I really am not. At least, I don't think I am. Not in situations where I am comfortable, with people I can talk to. You're right, not that terrible actually. I'm probably going for the in-and-out approach to take sufficient breaks. As soon as we all turned 18, it just had to be out and about instead of movie nights at home... thanks for your input!
 
Mostly good advice so far, just duck when it get's to be to much and then come back when you have your head on, worst case scenario fake a heart attack
 
bamf said:
If you're really dreading it, go to the party and excuse yourself to go home when they go dancing. It's not fun for anyone when it's obvious someone doesn't want to be there.
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I agree, they might complain but its important to know that your not going to enjoy yourself don't go. Its not your responsibility to put up with it to make someone else happy and if they can't respect you not wanting to go then its them being selfish.
 
Clubs blast out my senses. When I cannot hear my own thoughts and the fog and lights kill my vision I feel like I am trapped inside my own world... luckily Alcohol was invented and rips me out and lowers my inhibitions... just get a buzz on, come out of your shell and talk to people man. You have no idea who you can meet.

Pick up a pack of cigarettes before you go, and when it gets too loud go outside with the smokers and chat. You don't even have to smoke but offer them to people and say you're trying to quit... you will get a lot of attention. Clubs are easier to navigate if you know some of the people in there. So you can use them like anchor points across the club. Just spend your time going from 1 group of friends to the others.
 
Make the night about your friends, especially the friends whose birthday it is. You don't have to take part in the drinking or the pulling but you can do your best to have a good time. Especially since you're not looking to attract anyone, you shouldn't care about what you look like on the dance floor (or the loud music, you can wear discrete earplugs, a few of my friends do this at concerts because they're scared of getting tinnitus) - just use dancing as a way to mimicking your friends and get some good fun exercise. It's better still if you like the music, but if you don't, sometimes it's fun to sing along even when you don't know the lyrics because theses days lyrics are super cheesy and predictable... Make it a challenge to guess the chorus. Importantly, as you ll be one of the only people who isn't drinking, you can avoid boredom by watching out for your more inebriated friends... There's bound to be some kind of drama.
 
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You don't have to drink at all to enjoy yourself. You can be a wallflower and enjoy yourself. You can dance and enjoy yourself.

Just walk in and be open to a new experience. Whatever you feel like doing, do it. Gravitational pull (with humans) work best when you're being yourself and when you're being free to be that self.
 
Activate your Fe and live vicariously through buying your friends drinks and elevating their mood?

Use it as an opportunity to work on your freestyling skills?

Go in with a mission lol. Give yourself a little mental project. Count all the people in the room wearing red shirts, or dance laps around the floor.
 
If you're really, really uncomfortable, don't go. If it's just a mild discomfort and maybe a touch of anxiety, take it on as a personal challenge.

Sometimes when I'm feeling uncomfortable in a social situation, I make it into a game and set point lists for myself in my head. I'll think, 'I'm going to talk to three people tonight and steer the conversation in such a way that I find out a) what the last movie they saw was, b) what they think about this place and c) if we have a hobby in common, etc'

These are just random examples (best adjusted to the situation) but it helps take a load off because you focus on the other person AND, because of the laws of inertia, once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier and easier and before you know it, you start to enjoy yourself.

I personally don't mind clubs. Everyone is usually far too wasted to pay attention to anyone but themselves and it's actually fun being the only sober person in the group because you pick up on some interesting observations. People are VERY honest when they're drunk (obnoxious too, but whatever) and everyone is dancing like an idiot anyway, so you might as well let loose too. You can also play 'Spot the Molly;' those folks are usually the nicest and most mellow people you'd ever dance with if you can sidestep your judgments on what they say.

Whatever you choose to do tomorrow, it's all about perspective (though its nice of you to attempt to step out of your comfort zone for your friends birthday, kudos!). Best of luck!
 
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niffer said:
Activate your Fe and live vicariously through buying your friends drinks and elevating their mood?

Use it as an opportunity to work on your freestyling skills?

Go in with a mission lol. Give yourself a little mental project. Count all the people in the room wearing red shirts, or dance laps around the floor.
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Damn I wish I saw this before I wrote up an entire long-ass paragraph about it. EXACTLY. I do this too, niffer!
 
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