Giving advice to an INTJ | INFJ Forum

Giving advice to an INTJ

Altruistic Muse

Community Member
Apr 6, 2009
Well basically I work with an INTJ guy, who I really value as a friend. Very intelligent, incredibly loyal and protective, but at the same time suitably distant. I think he might fancy me, and I don't see him this way, but this hasn't come to a head yet, and I don't think it will to be honest. But this means that he is very sensitive to criticism from me. Now, I have been talking to a senior at work, who has been saying he finds my friend demotivated and thinks it's important he puts more effort in, as management are starting to give up on him. Also, his visa ends in July, and he should get right to remain in Britain, but he always leaves everything to the last minute and my senior is worried he won't get that organised either!

So I have been trying to work out how to try to get him motivated and achieving his potential so the management realise he is good, without offending him. I was being lazy a few months back, and someone told me so. I get momentarily offended, and then my reaction is well sod them, I'll prove them wrong. With my friend, and also my sister who is INTJ, they respond by turning back into themselves and becoming despondent. I am thinking of approaching it by casually bringing the topic up, and saying that he shouldn't make excuses (which he always does), and that if he actually wanted to get it done, or be good at something, etc, he would do it. And then just leave the subject. At which stage the INTJ can analyse this, and ascertain why they do or don't care, and maybe change it. I think by targeting the problem in an objective way, they are free to make their own decisions in the absence of judgement. What do you guys think?
Do NOT tell him what to do. Or rather, don't tell him what to do by telling/commanding/making his decision for him. You may present an INTJ with facts which could affect his decision, but the decision itself? No.

If you want him to stay/do something, you need to present him with data which will cause him to draw a certain conclusion.
It's quite simple. If an INTJ does not agree with what is being presented, or is not in the state of mind to listen, or does not have the capacity to understand, advice will be totally disregarded.