General Emptiness

earthtocarrie

earthtocarrie

Regular Poster
MBTI
INFP
(Most of this, I have taken from my writings in my journal)

It is a curious thing to live in this city, where everyone tells you that you have everything - yet you feel you have absolutely nothing.

I am tired of this claustrophobic city, where buildings speak in their secret languages of concrete and stone. Each of them vie to be the grandest and tallest of them all. Some afternoons, they bask in the reflected glories of all the companies that dwell within them. Whilst, I watch the humbler shophouses (circa 1920s) bow low beneath, their humble facades dwarfed by their shadows. One cannot walk her streets without feeling it sinking with each step you take - for it is sinking with dank morality; I am a prostitute and a nazi like everyone else.

At her train station, like clockwork, faceless people throng the already crowded train station. (What is your destination silent traveller?)

Some walk in Andante, a leisurely gait in their leftover weekend shorts, I suppose their breeze through life the same way they breeze through the barriers.

Then there are those, that have managed a hybrid of running and walking. Their shoes are unhappy; for their protest in a loud cacophony of clip clop bam bam sounds - If I imagine myself to be their shoes, I'd be very angsty and unhappy would try to shrink and wear out faster on purpose.

I stand by the station for a while, and watch all the people pass me by. I think about my life. (there are days where I look into the mirror and she asks me, why do you care so much? who's gonna save your soul now?. I reply - If I go to hell, so be it. If I drift in limbo, I hope to meet Plato. )

I feel secretly empty, for I do not know the language of the faceless people. I start walking away because I realize they outnumber me by the hundreds, if not thousands.
 
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It's beautiful and personal. Evocative. I Love it. More!

Where do you live, by the way?

edit : to add something somewhat (?) constructive... Funnily enough stations make me feel whole... Because I feel all those people have something in common, something I share, getting away, what from doesn't matter but what matters is the in between, the pause before the rush of life has to start again, because stations to me aren't part of the city, they are already a part of another place...
 
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surrounded by dull metal and fake beauty milled through by the hopelessly ugly- given some sort of false hope by the plastic. Generic in every way they are adorned no less than what they deserve and project. i look around and realize i never felt apart and i don't need to because i wont
and its easier to let go of being let go of
when its not the circles that i need. i am mine.
 
Shaz said:
It's beautiful and personal. Evocative. I Love it. More!

Where do you live, by the way?

edit : to add something somewhat (?) constructive... Funnily enough stations make me feel whole... Because I feel all those people have something in common, something I share, getting away, what from doesn't matter but what matters is the in between, the pause before the rush of life has to start again, because stations to me aren't part of the city, they are already a part of another place...
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Thank you! (:

I live in Singapore
 
Another wonderful writer!
 
Your writing is wonderful! Personally on the subject of your writing, I too, feel empty sometimes. There are some days I walk in the city, hoping to feel alive---to feel the rush of the city, of life. But instead, I come home feeling as dead as ever.

Sometimes in my life, I feel alive---so alive, that I cannot stop smiling and jumping around. But most other times, I get swamped with the weighty, heaviness of life. It is always either my environment, my thoughts, or people that I see that evoke this sense of numbness within me.

I've felt like i'm living purely on inspiration sometime---a desire, a desperateness to see the beauty of life---when I see things that threaten to break my mentality of life.

I suppose it's inner strength that allows one to live on?
 
Shai Gar said:
I <3 Singapore.
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Why D: I hope it's not because of GEYLANG!!

Thank you Sumone!

Yepunsarang >> I too feel the same way, except a part of me is afraid that one day I'll never get a chance to see the beauty in life and be happy! D:

I try to live for the moment as much as I can. I suppose inner strength also plays a major part.
 
Geylang is awesome. I love how law abiding your cities ghettos and criminals are. It's also a beautiful parody to the rest of your gorgeous city.

Mostly I love it for the wide variety of food, and sim lim square, and the singapore party girls, and eating frog, REAL Indian food (instead of anglicised indian food) and the prices of taxies, and the hotel rooms at raffles.
 
yepunsarang said:
There are some days I walk in the city, hoping to feel alive---to feel the rush of the city, of life. But instead, I come home feeling as dead as ever.

Sometimes in my life, I feel alive---so alive, that I cannot stop smiling and jumping around. But most other times, I get swamped with the weighty, heaviness of life. It is always either my environment, my thoughts, or people that I see that evoke this sense of numbness within me.

I've felt like i'm living purely on inspiration sometime---a desire, a desperateness to see the beauty of life---when I see things that threaten to break my mentality of life.
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I completely relate to this. I used to joke to my friends that I was bipolar (was worse as a teen for obvious reasons).
 
Feeling of worth

It is the feeling of worth which suffers in the modern society where we tend to get lost in the anonymity of architecture and alienated by the way we live and interact. Our worth depends upon how efficient we are as co-workers and friends and efficiency is no measure of real worth. True artistic performance and the love of God is ignored and looked upon as weak in a society ridden by the need of conformity, where the proud rules by his popularity and ability to change. It is sad. It is a good thing the good Lord does not change. In His mind we are worth something by raising questions and by having The Son in mind.
 
Shai Gar said:
Geylang is awesome. I love how law abiding your cities ghettos and criminals are. It's also a beautiful parody to the rest of your gorgeous city.

Mostly I love it for the wide variety of food, and sim lim square, and the singapore party girls, and eating frog, REAL Indian food (instead of anglicised indian food) and the prices of taxies, and the hotel rooms at raffles.
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Geylang is awesome for FROG PORRIDGE and Dim sum! If you ever come down, I (and Meiro) wouldn't mind showing you the best porridge on earth!

I like Sim Lim too (Yay pirated games!!) haha and lol come to SG, the RAM is waiting!

D: as for Taxies, they up the price every year. It's becoming kinda steep, but I suppose compared to the prices Down Under, it's alot better.

Mexymoo >> Thank you! (:
 
I am touched by your words earthtocarrie. I know exactly what you mean. When you can't relate to people, the more of them there is around the lonelier you feel. Everyone going about, living their lives, it just reminds you of what you are missing.

You have the forum now though :m129:
 
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