[INFJ] Friends or something more?

Hi Blackhorse. Welcome. Um...

Yes, because men are human beings and value friendships.


That said, from the information I have about your interactions, it sounds like he is interested, or at least testing the waters. It sounds like it is realllllly slow going, though.

What happens if you don't text him?

 

If you're interested I recommend just asking him if you can take him on a date.

I'm not very good at reading minds so I can't give you any insight on what he
is actually thinking in regards to you. This is why I suggest asking.

 

Everything you just described is something that normal friends do with each other, male or female. If there’s interest, there’s usually something more to simply the time and attention.

Are you asking because you’ve developed feelings for him and are hoping he feels the same, or are you just worried you’re giving him the wrong impression?

 

It makes sense. The only thing you can do to keep those feelings at bay is to refocus some of that attention you give him on guy you'd actually like to date. Nip the feelings in the bud before they run out ahead of you.

What has given you the impression that he may have more than friendly feelings for you? Is this just you projecting your hopes/fears? Or has something happened?

 

in a word, yes. He is interested in a deeper relationship developing. Of course, I say that because if I was that person I would do that, so take it with a bit of salt

 

Hmm... I agree with @Asa and @sassafras here: this sounds like a close friendship.

The thing is, female company is very 'comfortable' to many men; it's easy to spend a lot of time with them in a way that's different to male-male friendships. There's nothing odd about the time spent.

There doesn't have to be romantic intent for the gendered dynamic to persist, but there's always the risk of things suddenly sparking up.

My guess is that this friendship is in a very liminal phase - there's a high level of tension here (definitely from you, not sure if he'll feel it), and if you both find each other attractive then it could 'tip'. I don't think he's 'in love with you' right now, but you are easily capable of pushing him into suddenly falling for you if you give him any overt signals.

Basically, the answer is yes and no, to an equal degree - that doesn't mean the situation is in balance, but in tension. Give him an overt signal that you're 'just friends' - talk about another guy that you find attractive. If you already have a feeling that this would wound him, then yeah he wants you; otherwise his feelings will decline if they have been growing for you.

 

If you want something more it's your duty to break the ice and bring it up and see how he responds.

If that's what YOU want.

You got to get it out of the way as soon as possible. If he rejects your offer and just wants to be friends, accept that and if you can't, split ways.

This whole "do they don't they" mental game is mostly just a way to have a fantasy without the actual risk of getting hurt. Hurt is a part of life though, so it's better to clarify your intentions and see how he responds as opposed to waiting and wondering.

 

It's fine for @BlackHorse to wait and see and not make an overt move if that is what Blackhorse wants. Romances, or attempts at romance (like admitting your crush when the other person doesn't feel the same way) can end friendships. Sometimes even when there is romantic tension it is best not to act on it because you can't see something working long-term and the friendship is more important.

If the risk is worth it – go for it.
If you'd rather wait and see because keeping him as a friend is more important, do that.
Sometimes friendships can get past this, sometimes not.


If you wait on texting him and he doesn't contact you that is not a good sign.

 

There's a lot of good advice here but the only way to be sure is to keep a close eye on his Spotify activity and what colour clothes he wears.

But actually, the other advice is good. It's not necessarily so. I have female friends who I had no intention of getting closer to until we did (oops) and, even with the one where nothing transpired, it didn't end the friendship entirely. I mean, the reality is that these friendships have an expiry date because I'll never meet their future boyfriends etc but it's not necessarily an all or nothing thing.

 

Lmao. High level callback.

 

Well played lolol!

 

Be patient. We are near the end of the holiday black hole. If you don't hear anything by end of the week ask how his Holiday and New year's went.

I would also try to mention having feelings for him somewhere in the near future. Don't rush it but work that in soon.

 

Iz ded.

Just text him. If he ignores it, tells you he isn't interested, or acts disinterested, move on. Personally, I'd consider it over if a man I had been dating took that long to communicate or make plans.

BTW, Cornerstone's advice we're all laughing at is a forum joke, not about you.