Friend experiences with "the bitter truth"

Similar experiences? Yes and no. A friend of mine, I don't mind calling her Attilla, I have nothing to say here that she doesn't already know (in our situation truth=trust), had more than once informed me that I was dishonest not to always state what was on my mind. We've had so many discussions on the meaning of honesty and truth with regards to what to say and when, that I don't think merely discussing the matter will do.

The point: she thought that I was dishonest if I thought or felt ANYTHING and never told it to someone. I, on the other hand, felt dishonest if I verbalized feelings I wasn't sure were real. In otherwords, for me, true feelings are the ones that hold after time. Temporal feelings, the ones that do not hold, are merely the appearance of true feelings and, therefore, must not be verbalized. She (still) disagrees.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but in a healthy relationship, such a question should not cause such distress-well, not LINGERING distress. Then again, I have to point out that you are both male . . .

 

"You would rather hear what you want to hear than the truth."

Was it a general statement about his personality or was it about a particular situation?

 

If the human race could collectively come to an honest agreement regarding that question, there would be no more problems. If we had stuck to it from the beginning, we wouldn't be in this mess now. We debate until we're blue in the face but do we do it to reach conclusions? I would say no, that we are debating simply to keep the debate in progress.

 

What you said was the truth and he agreed with it so what got him all hot and bothered probably wasn't the message itself but the way it was delivered. Once the logical acceptance of it passed his feelings and emotions might have caused him to want to defend, protest or explain. He might have taken it as a judgement. I don't know, truth telling is a sticky business that's for sure.

 

That, Sumone, is an excellent observation. The NT's or ST's have that gift for diplomatic speech devoid of diplomatic delivery.

 

I cannot stand it when people soften me up for something. FFS I just prefer being honoured by that person assuming I can take it, or given the respect to make up my own mind without being directed.

 

When having to deliver a truth, I try to take into account who I am approaching with it and how the information might affect him/her. I guess you could say that i will always tell you the truth, but i will try to deliver it in a way that will make you more accepting of it. And of course I expect the same in return. I want to be told the truth, but I don't want it just blurted out if there is a chance that it my hurt my feelings - people too often forget that we extroverts have feelings too.

 

That is very true what you say about extroverts!

 

I too have been a truth teller all my life. A few things I have learned about people.

1. Most people can't handle the truth.
2. If you tell the truth you become the a hole.
3.Once your the a hole everyone around you will attack you because they fear the light of truth on them.
4.You have to decide who can handle the truth and how you will deliver it.
5.People will always feel like you are attacking them if you speak up.
6.You have to realise that one mans truth is not anothers.
7. You gotta know when to shut your mouth.

You gotta be carefull when dealing with truth. It seems that everyone has a different version. Luckily the world is full of people so if ya look you might just find others who share your truth. I only have a few friends because I realised that I only wanted to be around honest people.. I hate games..

 

I did have this sort of experience all the time with my mom.

She's a ESTJ so she constantly scans everything so she can tell someone to do something.
I would tell her to wait until I finish something and she would get mad and explode.
Some times she did yell or ground me irrationally. When me and my dad told her
she was wrong she would explode more argue with my dad and say that he was
always like this or me kids don't respect me. Then the next day not care about it.

I've learned to live with her but, I don't really like being around here sometimes.

 

My mother is either an ESTP or an ESTJ (probably latter), I cannot stand her either for almost the same reasons. Sometimes she's great, othertimes she has no respect for other peoples dignity or self power. I'm constantly having to put her in her place.

 

Shai ... please don't take this personally, its more of a take on my possible reaction as an ESTP than a judgement of your behaviour towards your mom.

Your mom is probably not ESTP ... If my kid were to 'put me in my place' he had better be sure to NEVER eat so much as a cookie in my house again (it would more than likely contain vicious amounts of exlax). Of course that's in addition to smacking him across the face at the time of the incident.

 

Yeah, mum's learnt that I'm very very good at blocking, also when I put someone in their place I do it in as shaming a way as possible, but privately. Also, it's my dad and I that cook in our house.

 

So she swings? Cool, I like her!

If done privately I too will hang my head in shame (and even cry) when given a good talking to The key is that whatever I have to be ashamed of is kept private. Even if I am wrong if someone tries to correct me in public I go ballistic.

 

She doesn't swing anymore. she might be a body builder and have a blackbelt in juijitsu, but I'm more vicious in a fight and she knows that enough to leave me alone.

also OF COURSE i'd do it in private, not matter how much she pisses me off she's still my mother and i won't strip her dignity.

 

Now that is the sweetest thing you've said on this board so far :shock:

 

Bullshit!