Feeling Vulnerable | INFJ Forum

Feeling Vulnerable

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by xizzax, Nov 22, 2009.

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  1. xizzax

    xizzax Community Member

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    there was this chick that i've been getting close to for a month now and everything was going pretty well...

    she seemed to understand how my mind works and basically filled in my 'checklist' hahah

    but recently i talked to her about something that was really private to me, and she didn't seem too comfortable with it..
    she of course, didn't want to offend me, and agreed with what i said..



    ugh, now something seems wrong and i don't know how to deal with it.

    more importantly i feel extremely vulnerable and feel like i've 'tainted a friendship'...

    how do i bring this up to her without being completely direct?

    i notice that when i feel this way i completely want to withdraw from her and just ASK her about it// and also a weird urge to just cut all connections with her if she feels the least uncomfortable. it's not about ME though, it bothers me if PEOPLE are.

    so yea, advice would be nice.. (aren't i delightfully vague?) i guess i can try to elaborate later.. or if anyone wants specifics..

    or just more importantly the INFJs reaction to uncertainty and danger..
    and even MORE importantly to not give into those instincts.

    edit:
    I was intuiting that she's an INFJ but when she took a cognitive test she supposedly got INTP..

    however, she says she got a strong Ni, Fe score... which obviously doesn't make sense. i'll probably get back to this later after i clarify.

    + i gotta stop freakin' out. haha
     
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    #1 xizzax, Nov 22, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2009
  2. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    My instinct is to run like a bat out of hell too.

    But eventually you have to confront your fears. I think you have to have an honest heart to heart with her... based on your feelings first....
     
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    #2 Moxie, Nov 22, 2009
  3. Integral

    Integral Three

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    i see no other way around this. if one cares about another a lot...especially if both really care about one another on a better than decent level...then, somehow someway the issue-problem-feeling-awkward instance must be broached and satisfactorily resolved. i see no way around this. it will not do...it is not a good thing to have unaddressed stuff hanging around in the background of any good friendships, relationships or more. diffuse these things before less desirable things occur. just my thoughts on this for now.
     
    #3 Integral, Nov 25, 2009
  4. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    my thoughts are just do it. meaning, just confront and just ask whats wrong. Its gonna take some balls but once you do that it will help. just be straight to the point when you ask. dont beat around the bush and give hints 'cos sometimes people tend to misintepret hints.

    I was extremely pissed off at a girl i'm getting close to 'cos of somethings she did and while we were talking on sms i brought it up and smacked her straight in the face with it (figuratively of course.. I dont think I can ever hit her:m066:) anyway, she admitted that she knew it was wrong and told me she would try to change and we became even closer lol.

    long story short, just do it. If she fills out your checklist already, there should be a higher chance that she would understand and tell you whats wrong as compared to people. thats my thoughts anyway :)
     
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    #4 Grey Wolf, Nov 25, 2009
  5. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I know exactly how you feel. I will get emotional feelings very much like this when someone responds to something I tell them like that. It is the fact that they aren't communicating what they are thinking/feeling that irratates me. Because then, my mind races and tries to fill in all the blanks and after a short while that becomes extremely stressful.

    What I have found though, is that the best remedy is to just let it sit, simmer, and let it go. It will mend itself over time and you will slowly feel better.
     
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    #5 IndigoSensor, Nov 25, 2009
  6. laffeytaffey

    laffeytaffey Newbie

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    It sounds like you just need to call her on the issue. Ask her if she found that uncomfortable and why. Better to get the answers out.
    :m059:
     
    #6 laffeytaffey, Nov 27, 2009
  7. laffeytaffey

    laffeytaffey Newbie

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    Hmm... She said she would try to change? That's not likely, just so you know.
     
    #7 laffeytaffey, Nov 27, 2009
  8. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    I know hehe but then again ESFJ. so kinda like us but aint us. and it would be a very useful tool in future arguments if there are any :m105:
     
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    #8 Grey Wolf, Nov 27, 2009
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