Fear of losing someone

Flavus Aquila

Flavus Aquila

Finding My Place in the Sun
Banned
MBTI
INTJ - A
Enneagram
10000
How do you handle the fear of losing someone very important to you?
(Someone you love and who makes you feel secure).
 
Flavus Aquila said:
How do you handle the fear of losing someone very important to you?
(Someone you love and who makes you feel secure).
Click to expand...


Hm, hm. You can't, I think. Maybe to rationalize. I don't know. I also have great fear of not seeing such persons.
 
I dont. . I fall apart and end up in a place of great darkness. . unless. . .there is someone around who is feeling that loss as well, then I can focus on supporting them adn it doesn't hit me so hard. .

considering I just lost such a person, now sould be a really good time to get some answers to this.
. help. . .
 
I strive to take each day for what it's worth, and appreciate what we have together while we have it. I know it will end. In the end it'll just be memories, memories that can be sorted and packed away nicely. Cherish the good. Accept the bad, what's done is done. Open up the box with the bad stuff every now & then to avoid repeating history, and to get a reality check.

Only the lost is with you forever.
 
I have tended to question my right to hold onto anything in this world too tightly...I prefer to hold things very lightly and appreciate them with gratitude. My sense of control is illusory at best, and people are free to come and go as seems best, and the most truthful, to them. It's a dignity we impart to them.

This has happened a lot to me and that's my general take on it.
 
You'll always have that fear to a certain extent. Vulnerability, fear, trust...these things are intrinsic to love. Most people can't completely embrace them and that's why they suck at relationships.

FWIW, I don't concern myself with fear of loss too much. It's more important to know that if it happens, you will be fine.
 
I've tried to come to terms with the fact that I'm not completely in control whether it happens or not..
I don't think you can rely on others to be secure. Nothing is promised.

The only thing I can see to do is to live in the present with people, and take care not to treat them in ways one may come to regret because losing others is inevitable.. whatever the reason be.
 
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I, personally, do not fear losing someone. I have lost so many over the years it is just a fact of life I have come to accept. I often consider myself as the possible next one to go. It is out of my sphere of control. Yet, while I do have control over my actions while they are here, I try to do everything I can for them to make their leaving easier on me later. It is easier knowing I have done what I could do. I try to make their stay here as pleasant as possible. I want them to KNOW I love them and they are important enough to me to give them of my time.

I handle my life after they have gone... day by day and moment by moment. I often silently talk to them in my mind as if they were still right by my side. I visit their graveside. I observe things that were dear to them. I look at pictures that often make me smile and sometimes bring tears to my eyes.

I cannot place this in an empty box somewhere and walk away from it. I rather carry it with me in my daily walk of life. If they were so important to me, they actually became part of me that will always remain no matter how many years pass. Their influence walks with me down the path of life, their love fills my heart with moments of bliss, their words still remind me of things best left alone or done quickly, and their presence has merely taken on a new form I feel but do not necessarily see. Guess I have only lost a physical part of them I can no longer hug or watch smile; listen to them when they laugh or see them when they act.

Most I have lost no longer suffer the way I had to watch them suffer. I am a better person from witnessing the dignity some of them showed when going through their final days. Today could be my last day here, and I rather fear I have not touched loved ones and others as closely as those before me. I am not worthy to wear their shoes or walk in their footsteps. My fears are I may not have been the person I should have or could have been.

....and I listen to music that moves my heart.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGwDYBWEDSc"]YouTube - ‪Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold‬‏[/ame]
 
It depends on who they are: Parents/family? Mate? Girlfriend? Friend? Teacher? Other authority figure? George Clooney?

It also depends on the situation: If it's inevitable (i.e. terminal cancer), then I don't get flustered. If it's something that I did, I get pissed off and try to fix it as best as I think I can. If it's something they did that I can't change, then I'll get frustrated. But ultimately, it's a process of understanding the source of the insecurity and addressing it to the maximum of one's own ability. Everything else is irrelevant.
 
dgraf said:
I dont. . I fall apart and end up in a place of great darkness. . unless. . .there is someone around who is feeling that loss as well, then I can focus on supporting them adn it doesn't hit me so hard. .

considering I just lost such a person, now sould be a really good time to get some answers to this.
. help. . .
Click to expand...

sums it up for me too
 
I've lost a lot of people to death. And at times, I can feel a fair amount of anxiety about losing more people dear to me. I have insisted that my husband promise not go before me. Of course the absurdity of that promise, just points to our complete lack of control over the situation. Keeping this in mind helps me to remember that no amount of worrying is going to change things. It's just a pointless waste of time.

I really like this!
randomsomeone said:
My sense of control is illusory at best, and people are free to come and go as seems best, and the most truthful, to them. It's a dignity we impart to them.
Click to expand...
 
If I fear losing someone, I leave them. She is obviously not good for me, or good to me, if she makes me fear losing her.

It would be a shame if the one I loved died, egoistically, I would have lost my companion, but I can find positives in the situation later on. I'll tell myself she was better off without me, I'll tell myself she is better off without this world, I'll "hate" the world and "hate" people more, blaming "them" for why she was lost to me. I don't morn people's deaths, nor do I celebrate them. When I lost my best friend and colleague (Working back to back for a long time), I was confused for a while, and then got angry, but not sad. If I lost my aunt, who I'm very protective of, I would just go "What a shame, oh well," like how when my cousin was killed in a hotel fire.

I cannot and will not go to funerals though. Last time I was in one I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life, so I just end up leaving in the middle of it. When they lower the casket and shit, bleh. I would only stay at a funeral if it was my ex-gf or something and she said she really wanted or needed me to be there, but I would have to tune out and just stand there, empty, like a stone. Funerals are such stupid human traditions.
 
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I usually look at the situation as maybe a third party would. I try to look at it logically, separate my emotions from my thoughts. I always look at the worst case scenario first, then try to work my way towards optimism. I do not like to set myself up for disappointment. Keep an open mind to EVERYTHING! Remember that people are just that...people. They make mistakes, some forgivable, some not, and viewing them as "perfect" or thinking they can "do no wrong" will only hurt you down the road.

-Anna
 
I just realised and I will be completely honest without using my mind: I am in horror if I come in situation to loose someone. Sometimes it is harder to be aware that someone will leave than to feel lost when that person is gone...
 
Flavus Aquila said:
How do you handle the fear of losing someone very important to you?
(Someone you love and who makes you feel secure).
Click to expand...

I don't handle it all too well. I've lost close people to death and it's effected me in such a way, that I can't bare the thought of losing anyone else. I have nightmares most nights where I will lose someone else and I will wake up crying, and I won't stop for hours.

I've become a person of extreme (at times) anxiety, fearfulness, confusion, and wonder. I may be more positive and upbeat if I wasnt reminded by things every single day. There always seems to be something going wrong in my family, even now...

I feel relieved when I hear someone I love saying "Im okay". I like hearing that, because then I know that they are feeling good. It puts my mind at ease.
 
Belief in myself keeps me from feeling this. If I lost my girlfriend it would hurt, but time would heal the wound.
 
Feeling of fear, despair, or emptiness sets in. But then if I withdraw from the person and dissassociate myself from the feelings I have for them, then it's easier to let them go. But attachment makes it difficult not to feel pained by the prospect of losing not just them but what you have or had with them.
 
You accept that someday you're going to lose them no matter what you do and enjoy the time you have now.
 
SpilledMilk said:
It depends on who they are: Parents/family? Mate? Girlfriend? Friend? Teacher? Other authority figure? George Clooney?

It also depends on the situation: If it's inevitable (i.e. terminal cancer), then I don't get flustered. If it's something that I did, I get pissed off and try to fix it as best as I think I can. If it's something they did that I can't change, then I'll get frustrated. But ultimately, it's a process of understanding the source of the insecurity and addressing it to the maximum of one's own ability. Everything else is irrelevant.
Click to expand...

This is me as well... I don't so much as mad, as just.... annoyed. I will think about the things I missed out on doing because of my procrastination... once. But after that... I'm tend to just accept it... Unless of course I caused it, then it really pisses me off, and sometimes I can become self destructive during those periods, and I'll take it as a personal challenge to fix it, and if I fail, it makes me even more self destructive. Deaths generally don't bother me though, I can't see why people get so worked up. I have felt loss once, and It was my grandmother who raised me like her son, and I never really ever cried.


And MikeA's perspective seems a little like my own as well, kind of... a little too cynic for my taste though :P
 
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