Existential questions of a personal kind...

This is something I strive to recognize everyday even if it only lasts a few moments. In my opinion subjective perception of reality consists of regular intervals of unnoticed "zone time"

The ideal is to recognize that my experience of reality is my own creation. However the actualization of this ideal is difficult to accept therefore my reality is that i am conforming to my perception of objective reality as a reflex while intellectually suspecting that objective reality is really quite different then what I am knee jerkedly conforming to.

When I was a kid my dad had one of those front seat kid carseats (totally unsafe) that had a fake driving wheel. I remember my brother sitting in it and driving as though he controlled the car. That's my ego. I am not sure what the soul is but I suspect it is the car.

I sense no guidance or help. I feel I am on a path and I am listening for silence.

Definitely the fear has constructed a nice safe box for me.

My internal world is a place of solace from the external world. As I experience more of the internal, I have better connections with the folks in my life, be they serious relationships or casual encounters (especially folks i "meet" in traffic).

My belief is that what makes me unique is quite different that what others see as unique about me. I think people see me as odd and overly intelligent. I see my self a possessing average intelligence and anti social tendencies. What is unique about me, to me, is my religious approach to a creedless spirituality.

You can't. Determining what "your freedom" is takes a lot of discipline and quite internal inquiry. It is almost unattainable

I think this is a core aspect of every human life. We are doomed to live out the patterns that make us until we see them clearly and integrate them into our consciousness.

To truly see this is a revelation. To accept it intellectually is a comfort. Fear makes one predictable and predictability makes one dependable. Dependablity is the core of trustworthiness and trustworthiness is essential to intimacy. Without intimacy human life is mostly empty. I am reminded of Capt Kirk's response to the invitation of release from pain by Spock's brother. "but i need my pain"

Silent inquiry.

Not often

mostly in my head, but I actively pursue "in my body" practices with deliberation and results.

For me, falling apart is not an option. Perhaps as I die it will be acceptable.

I am an amoral moralist.

 

4.
I do what I believe in, wheter or not that derives from what others believe in, or choose.

5.
No, I usually learn my lessons. The mistakes I still do are the ones I haven't solved.

7.
Mind over heart, not sure how that translates. I think my ego is driving.

8.
I lose track of time all the time.

9.
Perspective.

10.
True.

12.
I'm very concerned with what I project.

 

1.Is it a revelation or disappointment when you discover that the decisions you have made in life was based more on fear than your will to be happy on your own terms?

Fear is a tool, an instinct, a guide. It's used to make sure we stay happy and out of trouble that would cause harm to our happiness.

2. Has the fear forced you to put yourself in a box with predictable corners that you can "manage" and navigate as opposed to following a structure-less path that guaranteed nothing but freedom?

Yes, it's caused me to be more strategic and aware of each step I take. Following a structure-less path is naïve and it all but guarantees freedom.

3. If you were never allowed to run free with your own freedom; how do you follow it's path when it calls you?

If I found a path that guaranteed freedom I'd be sure not to lose that freedom. There are many paths one can take. Noticing where each one leads down the road and planning ahead for obstacles or ambushes is essential to choosing the right one. If a path with more freedom appeared to me I'd realize from my experience that every path is capable of reaching a dead end or obstacle and I would plan ahead to keep from losing my freedom.

4. How do you find that road that is uniquely yours or do you just create it out of thin air?

I believe God has a unique path and plan for me and if I follow His map, His directions (the Bible), I can manage my affairs and find the best path. I seek guidance from Him for each step I take in life. That being said I believe God gave us free will and at times He allows us to make decisions for ourselves and choose the best route for our personal happiness. There are many ways to reach our destination, our destiny, and just as there are multiple ways we can reach this in reality there are multiple ways we can reach this destination in our lives.

5. Are you making the same mistake over and over again? The form it takes changing slightly but the core lesson is the same?

One mistake I keep making over and over again is trusting people with my money. I just made the mistake again just the other day. The man sounded as though he was a good person, said he'd been taken advantage of before too, insisted he pay me back interest and kept reassuring me while I was with him that he'd return my money to me the next day. He didn't. I give this example to explain that while I know I have to learn the lesson not to trust people with my money, I keep gaining new information about this lesson in not trusting someone even if they disguise themselves as a good person. In the future I know now never to trust someone with money even if they appear to be an ally along my path.

6. Does your internal world conflict with your external surroundings and people and you have no idea how to bring them closer?

Yes. Conflict often arises between my needs and the needs of other people. This creates a scenario where it is difficult to bring someone closer to you and build a relationship with them as you like. It is important that you hold fast to your needs and make sure the other person knows about it. If conflict arises between the two of you, you don't need to meet that person together on that area. You can back away and meet them again in an area where you can arrange an opportunity for mutual growth and happiness at a later time.

7. Who drives in the front seat of your car? your ego or your soul?

My soul has driven me down the road I desire for a while. It's only been recently that I realized I need to give attention to my ego and allow it to take the front seat sometimes. I need to respect myself enough not to allow people to disrespect me in some situations while still allowing my soul to be a backseat driver. I'm just learning how to do this and have at times allowed my ego to drive too hard and fast. I think it's important for me to realize that other people have egos as well and you need to respect their needs while making sure yours are met at the same time. In areas of confliction, as I said before, it's important to compromise in some situations and allow others needs to be met before yours, balancing and being aware of who's needs are greater than the other's at that time.

8. When was the last time you did something and you never even realized how much time went by because you were in the zone?

A long time ago. I think back to times when I was working really hard and enjoying myself or when I was with my favorite girlfriend and the hours past by like minutes.

9. How do you reconcile your inner demons yet still remain sane and functional without falling apart?

Oh, boy. Not a question to ask me. I'm the kind of person that needs to reconcile their inner demons first before I can function. Sometimes I need to take a break or a day off to myself and allow myself to recuperate and recover. In cases where this is impossible, which is rare, I just have to trust God and ask him to give me His strength to put away my troubles until after a situation in which I need to remain competent so I can still function and get whatever the job is done.

10. Maybe you will "see" more if you just allow yourself to fall apart?

Yes. This is what I do. I just make sure I'm in a situation where I can fall apart without having any negative consequences take place. This is usually when I'm alone and in a position where I'm able to take a breath. After I get it out of my system I pick right back up where I left off as though nothing happened.

11. Do you pay attention to guidance and help that comes your way but you dismiss it because it makes no sense at the time?

Guidance is extremely important. If it doesn't make sense at the time, it will down the road or it will help me help someone else with their own road. I've had a situation where it didn't make sense at the time and I dismissed it but found out that it would have been extremely beneficial if I had listened and incorporated it into my life. I've learned to listen to all advice since then. I always get advice. Before I take a path or make a plan I make sure it is sound, allowing others to find holes in it or to enlighten me of a better path I am able to take.

12. How often are you in your "head" as opposed to your body?

A great deal of the time. My head controls my body and makes sure my happiness isn't immediate gratification but self-satisfaction.

13. How often are you uncomfortable and stretch yourself to people and places that would normally scare you?

If I'm afraid of it, I need to throw myself at it. Conquer your fears. Conquer your demons. Don't allow them to control you, but control them. That being said there are some situations that overwhelm me every time and I've learned it's important for me to stay out of the situations where I cannot function. If I have no other choice I go to my happy place while still being grounded in reality and create a perspective where I'm able to see things in a better light, one that will guarantee success and happiness. I won't expose myself to it completely, just to the areas that I can handle.

14. Do you realize what makes you unique is hard to be realized by you but others see it clearly?

Never. The opposite takes place. I realize what makes me special and others don't notice it or they will and will act out of admiration.

15. Should you conform to reality as opposed to forming your own reality to conform to you? Does this make you out of touch with reality?

Should you be optimistic? Yes. Being cynical and pessimistic can be damaging to your success in the true reality. For me it's important to be idealistic (creating my own reality) as opposed to "realistic." Your idea of what is real is subjective. If you imagine that you can only go so far, you'll only go that far. If you imagine that you can go even further there's a possibility that you will. Would you rather have the possibility of having your reality, your dream, come true and find out it's not or would you rather never find out if it was possible to go further? For some they'd rather not get their hopes up. For me I'd rather take the chance and end up finding myself in the reality I would've been in anyways had I never tried to go further.

16. Have you realized that you are not the only one suffering in the world?

No. Hopefully some day.


EDIT: Just realized you said one to three sentences. I apologize for the length.

 

1. Is it a revelation or disappointment when you discover that the decisions you have made in life was based more on fear than your will to be happy on your own terms?
   It's both to some degree. Less so now. If I willed enough to be truly free, I'd just do it, no? Clearly I don't though, since I haven't.
   
2. Has the fear forced you to put yourself in a box with predictable corners that you can "manage" and navigate as opposed to following a structureless path that guaranteed nothing but freedom?
   To some degree it has. Less so now than it used to, but there's many things I haven't let go of. If I said I'm totally free then I would be lying.
   
3. If you were never allowed to run free with your own freedom; how do you follow it's path when it calls you?
   I do the best I can and make compromises. It can't be all or nothing, because it would never be at all that way. Things can't instantly happen.
   
4. How do you find that road that is uniquely yours or do you just create it out of thin air?
   I don't find it, I don't make it, and it does not belong to me. It finds me and I belong to it.
   
5. Are you making the same mistake over and over again? The form it takes changing slightly but the core lesson is the same?
   Absolutely. They seem to be getting further apart though and more quickly recovered from.
   
6. Does your internal world conflict with your external surroundings and people and you have no idea how to bring them closer?
   They conflict. I have an idea how to bring them closer but I neglect to do so.
   
7. Who drives in the front seat of your car? your ego or your soul?
   They both fight over it, so it depends who wins.
   
8. When was the last time you did something and you never even realized how much time went by because you were in the zone?
   This is my entire day some times so... very recently!
   
9. How do you reconcile your inner demons yet still remain sane and functional without falling apart?
   By letting things work and letting go. And some times I need to fall apart a little so I can put myself back together more properly.
   
10. Maybe you will "see" more if you just allow yourself to fall apart?
    Yes I think so!
    
11. Do you pay attention to guidance and help that comes your way but you dismiss it because it makes no sense at the time?
    Some times. I think most do this at some point or other, even if we don't see it.
    
12. How often are you in your "head" as opposed to your body?
    I don't really know the difference...
    
13. How often are you uncomfortable and stretch yourself to people and places that would normally scare you?
    All the time. I'm so odd, this is unavoidable. People tell me I should get over my discomfort and fears, but they have no clue how much I've actually done so just to tolerate their presence!
    
14. Do you realize what makes you unique is hard to be realized by you but others see it clearly?
    Not really, no.
    
15. Should you conform to reality as opposed to forming your own reality to conform to you? Does this make you out of touch with reality?
    I don't think there's any conforming. Reality just is. If you don't believe you're conforming to it, then that is also reality.
    
16. Have you realized that you are not the only one suffering in the world?
    Absolutely.