Examining the Hate

Poor Freud! No one likes him. . . I have great respect for Freud. I’m just disappointed that he allowed drug abuse to destroy and distort his potential (I truly believe this. Yes, I know, I’m insane).

But I also agree this is an accurate description for hate. It is a strong aversion to something that threatens us, and aversion so strong it cannot help but manifest outwardly. True hatred is like radiation. It must release, it must vent, eventually. And it poisons those around it.

Oy, sorry, back to topic. Waxing philosophic is my gift. Although, radiation being what it is, a sign of molecular decay, is not far off. I think perhaps it was you that said this, Satya, I don’t remember, but someone once said that hate and love were a part of the same emotion. If this is the case, then hatred is love decayed. The degeneration of love, it’s death.

That may be because hatred is the end result of dislike.

Perhaps this is not appropriate, and it may not mean anything to you, but do you have a good support group for when you are emotionally burdened? Then again, you may be emotionally stronger than I am. I could not handle social work. My heart dies daily as it is. To see people’s live s outside of the hospital may be more than I can bear. You are very strong. I guess I’m trying to say that I’d like it to stay that way.

That seems acceptable. I mean, the adjective. “traditional” Christianity, in general, isn’t something I am altogether fond of, either. Not that I’ve received the same kind of censureship, but I’ve had bad experiences.

That would seem illogical to me! But you’re right! I know so many who are like this “they really feel guilty” or whatever. I don’t mess with this mentality. Anyone who cannot see that feelings and logic are not directly related cannot be spoken to. I am often thought of as being “less rational” in the first place, so I rarely attempt to correct this flaw.

For example, the right person could make me feel directly responsible for 9/11. My logic knows this is ridiculous. My emotional side, however, is horrified and distraught that I have somehow offended and hurt another, and I react on that feeling with enormous quantities of guilt.

Agreed.

Fallible, yes. Acceptable? Absolutely not. No such behaviour should be acceptable. No one has the right to treat you like you are a lesser being. Disagree with you, yes, believe you are wrong, yes. But to actually treat you with contempt and abhorrence is something worth hating.

There is very little that I actually hate. Such abominable behaviour, especially from those of my own faith, is something that I hate. And also something I feel worth fighting against.

How have you handled conflicts with Christians in the past? I’m just wondering. I’ve met a few homosexuals, in fact, one of my supervisors was gay, and his significant other worked the floor with me. I still miss him, sometimes. We never talked religion, for which I am actually greatful. I figured he’d already dealt with the dark side of Christianity. He never quite treated me the same when he found out my father was a minister. Made me sad, but I understood why.

Loving those you hate seems to be the best resolution. I do not believe that love and hate are the same emotion, exactly. I do believe that hate destroys love and vica versa. But love takes longer to work, and therein lies the frustration.

Perhaps. I am usually very cautious. Hatred is volatile. To use, then, an aggressive means of dealing with it, would be unwise. It must be handled gently, calmly, and lovingly. It requires much sacrifice of oneself. Sacrifice of time, sacrifice of image and reputation (in some cases), sacrifice of your own personal bias for a greater goal.

My own experience with hate is not grand, by any means.

When I was younger, I hated my mother. She remains much as she was: illogical, swayed and moved constantly by temporal emotions, no one emotion remaining consistent. I was her little black sheep. Still am, I think. I never did what she wanted, and was always being punished for it. Very much a martyr child. I wasn’t the only one, granted, but she does, to this day, remind me that I was the only one who “never did listen”. It was frustrating to no end, trying to please someone who never knew what they wanted. I truly hated her.

When I moved to college, I was able to gain perspective, removed from the situation. I saw how my paternal Grandmother treated her (my whole family lives in the same small town). I realized that she had no friends, no support whatsoever except my father, an emotionally repressed ISTP. At first I felt pity, but that was quickly replaced with compassion. I’ve tried, since then, to encourage her. We’ll never be great friends (she is exhausting), but at least I can now accept her as my mother and a fallible human being.

I still struggle with my aversion towards men. I’m not a lesbian, not by a long shot, but I cannot trust men. Any man who showed interest in me was verbally attacked. Another gift of mine: when I feel threatened, I have a bitter and beautiful two edged tongue. It is not hard for me, when I am not in control of myself, to emotionally mutilate those around me.

That is a great improvement from what it was several years ago. It has been hard, learning to give up my hatred for the opposite sex, but it was wrong and unfair of me to judge all men for the sins of a few. But how great were their transgressions! I’ve lost one sister already, and begin to lose the other. But I cannot blame all of mankind. I can only blame the men involved, and acknowledge that my sisters were not completely without blame for their own demise.

I wonder, sometimes, about people who thrive on hate. Without their hate, they would be empty, hollow shells. Those who have lived on hate, if it were removed, would have nothing left. No personality, no other interests. In short, it is their life, who they are. It has transcended mere comfort. It is the essence of their existence. It was almost the essence of mine.

Life is too short to waste it wishing the worst on others. I can only control how I choose to approach my life. Nothing else. And I choose to live it loving others, regardless of how they feel for me.

 

St. Francis of Assisi said, "Love your neighbor as yourself...but if you cannot love your neighbor as yourself, at least don't do them any harm." I think this little practical advise if great because many of us stuggle with the absolutes of love and forgiveness. For most of us it's nice to have a backup plan just in case our higher selves aren't quite up to the task.

Here is another thought I've always liked from first century writing, the Didache: "you shall not hate any man; but some you shall reprove, some you shall pray for, and some you shall love more than your own life." I like this as it offers some options as we reject hatred even if love seems hard to come by.

Anyway, let me say that typical "church culture" is pretty whacked out right now and even in my own church, many who consider themselves "traditional" are doing so only because they feel safer with a very narrow, protected, black & white view...they are scared and it is a pity. Strictly speaking, if one wanted to be "traditional", they'd do better to go back 1200 or 1500 years rather than 200!! They'd come out far better.

I myself live on the more marginalized fringe of my own chosen Christian congregation, too...I can be happy here only because our traditions are extremely broad and diverse so I know I am on solid ground in spite of popular/contemporary rhetoric on the subject. That rhetoric can be unnerving, though.