Yes you are thank you so much for your advice I love that it's a Saturday night and you are on this forum helping people out like myself. That means a lot. I'm in ENFP so I am definitely grateful for you all in this world.
Emergency: losingb my infj
- Thread starter Triedandtrue
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Yes you are thank you so much for your advice I love that it's a Saturday night and you are on this forum helping people out like myself. That means a lot. I'm in ENFP so I am definitely grateful for you all in this world.
Yes I have two threads going on I'm so sorry about that I just got too nervous and sad and depressed and worried. ENFP here sorry guys
- Dec 29, 2009
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Thank you so much. Your post truly helped.I've been really down and stressed and so depressed. Are you an infj? You guys are heaven sent
Yes I'm an older infj guy, lol and we're as bad at relationships as any other type. Well I am anyway. I'm glad that helped you, it feels like hell going through stuff like this.
I'm not surprised you felt that way. I think if you take care of yourself, and try to let go the tension things might still work out. I hope so. Either way you'll feel better. The good things we do for others are the antidote to a lot of pain. Not for reward or gain, they're just reminders to us, that life can be good.
Take care and good luck.
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Happy Phantom
Well-known member
No worries. Taking care of yourself is first and foremost.
Stop. It's over. Please cease bothering her (particularly if you care for her, which you seem to) and move on with your life. The time you spend fretting about this will be time wasted which you could devote to meeting someone who is better for you.
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- Sep 28, 2008
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Anything is possible. I dated my husband long distance for 6 1/2 years; we had our ups and downs, including a breakup. It worked because we were committed to each other, always focused on communicating, and gave each other enough space in the relationship to feel comfortable.
It's unfortunate that you've had such a painful year, and I do hope things get better soon.
Breaking up, reconnecting, getting back together - it's all overwhelming. My advice is to take a step back, truly be her friend, and see where it goes. Ask her what she wants from the relationship, no pressure, no expectations, and accept her response - even if she wants to break up or just needs more time/space to process her own feelings. Saying she has nothing left to give you doesn't mean she doesn't value the relationship. Maybe there is something she needs from you.
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
You both care about each other, otherwise you wouldn't be here looking for help on this forum, and she would have moved on and stopped talking to you. I think both of you are too stressed out right now for things to change for the better. You could try to mentally go back in time and think about the things that brought the both of you together in the first place, be mindful of the things that went wrong, and come up with something that will get both of your needs met. Then take whatever time is necessary for that to happen.
You had originally agreed to move to FL, is there a reason she didn't want to move back to CA? Would you be willing to change careers to be with her in FL? What made you break up with her; was it something specific, or were you just frustrated? You don't have to answer any of this on here, these are just questions that come to mind for me being on the outside looking at your situation. I think it can work, but then I'm a hopeless romantic who tends to hold on way too long in a relationship, so keep that in mind. I really hope you both find a way to mend the past and build a future together.
Thank you so much for this post and forreally breaking down how to go about reconciliation. The reason why she didn't want to move to California was because of her family in Florida. Right now she does text me everyday but only after I text her and she does call and we try to talk at least once every day so I am guessing this is a good indicator that she does feel something for me or sees potential and working this out it's just that she doesn't have the time for it right now or maybe give space and then come back and see where we are at.
This might be a stretch...but you could share this forum with her. That's totally up to you.
The fact that you are communicating on a daily basis, I think...is a very good sign. Keep going in that direction, not to win her back necessarily, but to get a better understanding.
Do you think I should map out something to say to her. I know infjs process things differently so I would have to speak in a way that she will understand for example if I were to just talk about the past only it would hurt and bring up bad memories but if I just say hey I'm really sorry about what happened and I'm really sorry about breaking up in the reason why I did was because I was under a lot of stress and it was an emotionally driven mistake and I'm really sorry. But I want to look to the Future and build something even better between us if we decide to get back together. It will be better it will be more Improvement and it will be stronger than ever before and that is something that I can look forward to. If we get back together I will definitely work to be more of the type of person I need to be in a relationship. I Look To The Future and I know that our relationship will be even stronger if we choose to get back together.
In other words since infjs far future orientated and think about possibilities I should structure my conversation in order to talk about the positive possibilities that could occur if we get back together. I should only bring up the past to ask for forgiveness and to talk about pretty much why it happened and then let it be and just think forward and move forward. How do I appeal to a infj in order to change their mind or influence them do I need to appeal to their Fe which takes into account how others feel so if I say hey I really really want to be with you and make this work and I'm hurting without you and I can't live life without you and I love you that will make her more inclined to take that information it in and feel it as well and then choose to want to be with me more so than me not wanting to be with her. And the sudden insights that she gets from her and I how can I make it that she can see the possibilities if a future with us rather than focusing on the past.
How do I go about the conversation about mending the past and looking towards the future. I know INFJs are very introverted so it's hard for me to get a read on her but how do I have a real conversation with her and just say I would love to men the past and build upon the future. Should I write it in a letter should I send her a gift we are long-distance we can talk face-to-face otherwise I would talk face-to-face and just say what I'm feeling and maybe I should just go over there and say hey I just want to talk and say I really want to mend what happened in the past and ask for forgiveness and I also want to look towards the future but I want you to want to do that and be happy and I want you to be healthy and I want you to take some time and space and we can take some time and space and come back and figure out what we need to do.
How did you guys go about reconnecting and making the relationship work after the break up. Also what are your Myers-Briggs. And what is a good thing to do after you guys broke up. How long were you guys broken up for and did you guys do no contact in order to give each other space and how long did you guys give each other space before you started talking about getting back together and when do you even bring up that conversation.
What do you mean by positive manifest and confidence line set. Will that approach work with INFJs. Also what is your Myers-Briggs and what would convince you to get back together if someone broke up with you.
Also do INFJs ever change their mind on taking back somebody once their Mind Is Made. How long does it take for a infj to make up their mind on a relationship whether they should rekindle it or let it go after a breakup.