Does she like me??

[Teddy Ted]

this may well be the most repeated kind of thread..
Sorry bout that people but i just had to clear this issue out.....

I know by type i'm supposed to be good at reading people and moods of people.
Sadly thats not the case with girls, no make that ladies.
(had six girls expressing interests in me in middle school whom i thought didn't like me, they had to physically come up to me to tell me that because i took ages to notice, yeah its that bad, god help me!! )
I was a strong INTJ during my younger years and thought having relationships was not good at my age especially with important exams at the end of middle school. Not now though.. I'm living alone for the first time and feeling rather lonely at the moment (i'm 17) and my classmates aren't helping either by showing public affection in our
hangout room at school. (never had a girlfriend, never made amove)

Well heres the thing,
I moved into a new school (been there for 3 months, yeah pretty short i must admit)
and theres this girl i like in class, smart(my rival academically, we constantly compare grades with each other)
attractive (from my viewpoint) and rather extrovent compared to me.
Makes Chemistry class bearable for me and i feel a great sense of happiness being around her

She does get physically close to me from time to time and withdraws from me from time to time
(something exceptional for an asian, we're both asians ),
leaning rather close to me in the lab and sitting rather close to me in class (no touching though).
Looks at me from time to time (not those dreamy,lovey dovey looks though, close to emotionless like how whenever
i "read" people. i would catch her glancing at me whenever i'm reading books ) and gets involved when conversations involve me in topics (being INFJ i rarely talk and can be rather emotionless from outside)

This is the girl/lady who called me a loner straight at my face
(not in a mean manner but more of as a "matter of fact" basis)
(ouch it still hurts!! i know its true to a point,especially with my type but it still hurts when you get told by someone you like)
I think we are confused about each other (almost like in a testing phase) and she can be rather introvent at times making things harder..

What do you people think?? Likes me or just being friendly and nothing more??
(i tend to get along better with girls than with guys generally (100% straight guy here by the way))

Oh yeah almost forgot to add the most important point:
has a boyfriend...dang!! sigh.....
(their relationship is "volatile". all lovey dovey teenage couple-like one day and fighting the other day)
Makes me feel terribly bad even posting this considering she has a boyfriend (i feel like honey catcher) and my inner voice is screaming at me for even thinking of liking her when shes already in a relationship. ( i take my morals seriously and one of it is not getting involved with people already in relationships but feels like this is getting rather invalid day by day)
i can be quite a winer at times....
Thanks people, all comments are welcomed (positive negative sarcastic, all would be helpful)

 

[This]

I'm not sure I'm the best person to be giving advice on this, however I will say whenever I have felt like a girl might like me she does, it's just that we have a tendency to second guess ourselves, If she didn't have a boyfriend I would say make a move because "I shouldn't have kissed her" is a better problem to have than "I should have kissed her" (And there will be a moment within a hug to go for that if she likes you). However since she does have a boyfriend I would say just be friends for now out of respect to the relationship.

 

[uuu]

When you like someone, all you see is their positive attributes. You might be blind to their true feelings, or be missing on clues she's giving you that she doesn't like you back, INFJ or not. The fact that she has a boyfriend already might be a red flag.
So give it time. Maybe she'll dump her boyfriend and start being even nicer to you. Your job is just to keep being friends.

 

[Solongo]

Would knowing she likes you going to change the fact that she has a boyfriend? Is the boyfriend a serious thing for her?

Sounds like she is curious about you. The more introverted you seem to her the more she may feel like there is something interesting she needs to discover about you. Some women are attracted to "loner" types because it mystifies them. But in your case; it is just inexperience with women in general that is preventing you from connecting with her more.

It is safe bet to form a friendship with her if she can see through you in an honest way; i would say that is a positive sign that she can be someone who will understand you; even if it is not romantic. INFJs value any relationship where we feel valued and understood. You should navigate carefully if she has a serious boyfriend because you don't want your first experience with a lady to be a love triangle or heartbreak or falling for "unavailable" woman friend.

 

[Goblue72]

It all sounds pretty positive, other than the boyfriend disclaimer, Ted. You're ahead of the curve in my book. When I think back to being your age and having one girl approach me to talk, I see how clueless I really was and how much more I understand years later. I'd continue to hang out with her and have fun, see what happens. You never know what boyfriend means: first boyfriend from age 12 still together, guy she just met last month, long distance relationship she hasn't seen in a year....

I had a similar experience the other night. Spoke to a girl I just met who was hosting a suite at a hockey game, for most of the game(2.5 hours). She showed the body language, eye contact, touching my arm, coming back to talk after a break, that showed me she might be interested in me. My friend, who reads these things way better than I can, confirmed it for me, saying "she was all about you." At the end of the night I asked if I could call her and got her number. She says yes, but when I ask if she's seeing someone, she says yes "but we can be friends." Figured it meant that was the end of that, but she even texted me later that evening to say that she was flattered and hoped I had fun. So, who knows.

And yes, I'm pretty good at picking up on things such as signals, but I think self-esteem issues block that sense when it involves me as the source.

 

[Atticus]

Ted, first off I'm sorry to say that but it's hard for me to believe you're and INFJ when you didn't read signs from six girls. Affection is one of the strongest emotion you can get in girls and they often give themselves away - almost always. Even other types recognize them.

Well the second insight from me is much more positive. Glancing at you occasionally and telling you such things as 'you're a loner' are surefire way of them telling you they are interested. Even though that looks are not telling - don't get me wrong but I think it's hard for an Asian to give *that* telling look particularly if he or she isn ot that close to one. I have had Asian acquaintances I know the 'type' quite well. Again, no racism or stuff intended.

So you are on the right path from a certain point of view. Be aware 'glances' and 'notes' like that are moderate signs at best. They tell you the girl finds your company pleasurable, interested in you in a certain way so that creates a lot of opportunity for you to behave in a way which seduces her - it's important she's fond of you but not fallen for you. It's imperative to distinguish.

So go on and good luck. Couple of *push and pulls* on parties will be enough. Pursue other girls as well just to make her se you with them - it really works. Send her text messages about random stuff - important to not *ask* in the messages just tell her something absurdity with is funny. E. g. in a boring class 'I fancy a drink' and stuff.

Good luck once again and listen to other opinions as well bacause there's a probability that I'm wrong.

 

[This]

I think having a low self-esteem could also cloud your INFJness [MENTION=3745]Atticus[/MENTION]. I'm not saying that this is the case with [MENTION=3768]Teddy Ted[/MENTION] but it very well could be.

 

[not sure]

Ted, first off I'm sorry to say that but it's hard for me to believe you're and INFJ when you didn't read signs from six girls.

Yes. intjs are notoriously poor at this sort of thing.

[MENTION=3255]Sali[/MENTION]'s advice is not only good but wise. Some boyfriends are very territorial. LOL

BTW, your personality type doesn't change. You could be mistyped. Or you moods can change. But personality typing of this sort is more concerned with how you process your thoughts than how you appear to other people. There is a relationship but they are not the same.

Also, don't look at being a loner as a negative thing. Some loners are happy but socially independent people. We aren't all destructive, angst-ridden human beings.

 

[bickelz]

Also, her calling you a loner means she's probably extroverted. She might be a shy extrovert, which is why she might be shutting off from you every once in a while.

The best thing would be to let things unfold if she has a boyfriend. But the thing is, if she's hanging out with you as much as it sounds like while having a boyfriend, she might be a crazy.

 

[Teddy Ted]

Ted, first off I'm sorry to say that but it's hard for me to believe you're and INFJ when you didn't read signs from six girls.

I did pick up quite a few signs from them but was never able to come to any firm conclusions.
Still can't(hence my question)
(haven't seen anyone yet seriously date the shy class nerd(who can be weird/orthodox at times))

(the girl i liked was the one who started the debate in class as to whether i was a nerd or a geek)
(don't wear glasses though, and am rather athletic which tends to confuse people as i don't fit into any particular group,although i do have a serious problem with acne(argh...!!) and always reads a book at lunch)

(i always come up with tons of different perspectives regarding issues, which tends to mess up my ability to conclude things(the word guess comes up rather frequently in my statements))

Always was involved in love triangles/complicated relationships for some reason.....
(my best friend's gf liked me, i liked a certain girl but its her friend who liked me etc etc(it could be what's happening now) etc etc.)

Yeah, guess its not normal to change types. I was consistently tested as a strong INTJ for a few years straight but had a rather turbulent at best teenage life. It drastically changed my perspective on things and i have "mellowed" over the years. Taught me to take the "human side" of things rather seriously.

Guess i should just wait then. (boyfriend issue could turn messy i guess)

Thank people!! (finally found someone/someplace where i can confide my personal issues/feelings)
(i'm the sort of guy who can keep secrets from his counselor, not that i'm seeing one at the moment though)

 

[This]

Thank people!! (finally found someone/someplace where i can confide my personal issues/feelings)
(i'm the sort of guy who can keep secrets from his counselor, not that i'm seeing one at the moment though)

I know what you mean here, I've never been able to trust a therapist, especially female ones (As bad as that sounds >_<).

 

[uuu]

Guess i should just wait then.
...
(finally found someone/someplace where i can confide my personal issues/feelings)
(i'm the sort of guy who can keep secrets from his counselor, not that i'm seeing one at the moment though)

Give it time, but don't give it up! Unless you truly do change your mind. Glad you found someone you can be comfortable around.
(Did I mention how great you are at using parenthesis? (Especially nested ones. (They look like this.)) They make a great way to insert little commentary.)

 

[Phoenix Down]

what kind of asian? it makes a difference.

 

[Teddy Ted]

what kind of asian? it makes a difference.

We're both Japanese...(the race group with serious bi-polar personality issues,hahas..)

@ ultrauber :thanks!! (its usually what i leave out when talking to people)

 

[Phoenix Down]

We're both Japanese...(the race group with serious bi-polar personality issues,hahas..)

@ ultrauber :thanks!! (its usually what i leave out when talking to people)

AH... and you're in Japan I presume. Okay, I'm a halfie that lives in the USA, so I don't know much about the manners while at school, but I do often visit my grandparents in Tokyo fairly often. I hear that there's actually a specified length of skirt that girls can wear as per grade level.

1st year - X
2nd year - Shorter
3rd year - as short as you please

Can you confirm this for me?

But I recall hearing the whole school uniform modification, Public displays of affection, etc... are forms of youth rebellion. And as cultures go, the youth will always rebell in certain ways... however they all end up "growing up" (mostly) per se.

The annoying thing with japan, is no one really speaks their mind (loudly).
I'm going to make a wild intuitive guess and say: when she mentioned you seemed like a loner, she probably meant it as a compliment. As in she's trying to say she admires your earnesty, but if she said just that, wouldn't THAT be a little strange?

Tell you what, since she's got a boyfriend there's not much you can do. Focus on your studies. If you get a high rank on exams, I'm sure she'll be really impressed. And If you're nice to her in general, she might just decide she likes you more than Mr. Drama.

 

[Neuropedia]

it's not going to work out,
she is interested in you for sure, and probably likes you
she knows you like her
but she's playing the power dynamic.
she has the upper hand and if you let it go further you're going to get fucked and not in the sense that you would like to
she's interested in your attention, and the energy between you, but nothing more

 

[bickelz]

(i always come up with tons of different perspectives regarding issues, which tends to mess up my ability to conclude things(the word guess comes up rather frequently in my statements))

Always was involved in love triangles/complicated relationships for some reason.....
(my best friend's gf liked me, i liked a certain girl but its her friend who liked me etc etc(it could be what's happening now) etc etc.)

I'm getting more of an infp or even isfp vibe from you.

 

[Teddy Ted]

I hear that there's actually a specified length of skirt that girls can wear as per grade level.

Fairly accurate i would say. Their skirts get shorter as they get older. You could say that the high schoolers (gets shorter from end of elementary school for those who are more daring) there wear mini-skirts and not be accused for stating a fallacy.

Ah, about the part on public affection and school behavior, also true to a certain extent though it really depends on the school you attend. Some schools wouldn't look out of place in America(pretty rare though i have to admit) while others look more like North Korea(more of the general case). Doesn't really apply to me though as i'm not in a Japanese school.

[MENTION=3501]Neuropedia[/MENTION]: sigh... the painful truth....

[MENTION=3545]bickelz[/MENTION]: could be with certain things (indecisiveness??)

 

[Saru Inc]

Ted, first off I'm sorry to say that but it's hard for me to believe you're and INFJ when you didn't read signs from six girls. Affection is one of the strongest emotion you can get in girls and they often give themselves away - almost always. Even other types recognize them.

Hah. I think you forgot we're Ni-dom, but Fe-aux.

 

[Atticus]

I think having a low self-esteem could also cloud your INFJness [MENTION=3745]Atticus[/MENTION]. I'm not saying that this is the case with [MENTION=3768]Teddy Ted[/MENTION] but it very well could be.

Yeah. Sad, but it's totally possible.

(i always come up with tons of different perspectives regarding issues, which tends to mess up my ability to conclude things(the word guess comes up rather frequently in my statements))

That's a usual 'problem' if your perceiving preference is stronger. (E. g. INFJ - 1. Ni 2. Fe, and not something like 1. Te 2. Ni.) You gather and gather and gather information and naturally don't come to conclusions as fast as certain situations might demand it. Being a J doesn't help either because that just shows outwardly shown preference. In your head it's still prceiving-deciding, perceiving-deciding. But at least you do want to come to conclusions early so you are determined to find answers more quickly.

But there are situations where this isn't a problem.