[INFJ] - Does my INFJ guy friend like me or not? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Does my INFJ guy friend like me or not?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Pinkerbell, Jan 13, 2018.

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  1. Pinkerbell

    Pinkerbell Newbie

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    I have an Infj friend, we’re actually workmates. We’ve known each other for more than a year now and I can say that I pretty much know him well. When we met, there was this unique closeness I had with him. We went for an out-of-town group trip last year, but he was courting someone during that period. I decided to keep myself distant, as I wouldn’t want to get him into trouble or something. So during their short relationship, I was dating someone else. Then they broke up last year, and we’re back in being close again. My feelings started to developed as he was really really nice. I remember I told him I wanted to buy a dog, but the seller’s location was very far. He immediately offered to accompany me to get the dog I wanted. Unfortunately, I had a party to go to that day so our trip didn’t pushed through. Then he told me that he knows someone selling a dog that I might like. He said he will deliver it to our home personally. He lives a bit far from my house, so I really appreciated his effort to drive all the way to my place. He even helped me with some things on my shop that night. We spent time together, but there were awkward moments. Like he was too silent? After that, he scheduled a training and asked me to join (although I wasn’t part of his team). We went to see a movie after, just the two of us. Then, I had a trip to another country, for pleasure, with my bestfriend. It was almost a week off from work. We kept our communication and during the time I was away, he said he got sick and wasn’t able to report for work as well. During my trip, I met someone who has a vape shop (Fyi, me and my infj friend are vapers). So I posted this video of the guy (vape shop owner) wherein we were joking around while he tests the vape juice that I had. I posted it in facebook. Then my infj friend told me that my laugh was kinda flirty. After that, he suddenly became sad or seemed disappointed and kept on pinning on himself. He said he was in a wedding and this guy suddenly asked him why he was still single. He was like self-pitying about the whole conversation he had with that person. I used this moment to tell him how I feel, well to make him feel good. I told him, i like him. Then he said, he was caught off guard. But he appreciates the friendship though. I took this as a sign that he didn’t like me and we’re better off as friends. So a few days gone by and it was a little awkward when we see each other in the office. He looks kinda scared of me or something. But it faded, and we went back to our usual closeness. After that, I was afraid to bring up the topic again. Then just this month, we went for an out-of-town trip, just the two of us. There were moments like I feel we’re getting/almost there. We had that moments where we actually leaned on the each other unconsciously while sleeping in the van/plane. He took a lot of pictures of us, some where unsolicited actually. He posted it on facebook. So some of our officemates were suprised that we went there together. He posted pictures of him, with me on the background. Some of those I’m aware, some not. I’m actually puzzled on the way he acts around me. I don’t know. Does he like me? I mean, would you go for an out-of-town trip with a girl “friend” you know likes you? Will you make an effort to spend time with me, if he just wanted me as a friend? He opens up to me a lot of times, telling me secrets, saying I’m the only one who knew about it. But, I’m now afraid to confess, yet again, because I might scare him off. By the way, I’m a widow with kids. I don’t know if it has an impact or something on his indecisiveness.
     
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  2. souvenir

    souvenir Community Member

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    Wow. That’s really confusing. I’d say he likes you. I’d be just as nervous as you, bringing it up again. I don’t know. Do you need to know how he feels or are you okay just enjoying your own feelings and seeing what happens with his?

    I’d let him come to you. I’d also seduce him during all this as well obv! ;)
     
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  3. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    I know right. When I’m out of the office for a long time, he seems to be unwell. He also comments on my posts, like every now and then. Well, I would want to know how he feels. But it’s not like i wanted a relationship right away, I don’t think I’m ready. I just wanted to know, so I’m aware where I stand, or what I mean to him. If he likes me, then I’ll just go with the flow and see where we’re headed.
     
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  4. souvenir

    souvenir Community Member

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    So confusing. Somewhat mixed signals. I guess he said he appreciated the friendship so you have to take him at his word for now, just wait and see and enjoy the friendship.

    Is he trying to sleep with you? It doesn’t appear he’s trying to use you from the info you’ve given. It doesn’t seem all that risky to see what develops...

    Sorry I can’t give better insight. Xx

    Maybe someone else can chime in
     
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  5. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    No. He’s nothing like that. He is a true gentleman. I’m just confused of all his efforts on helping me and all. There were times it’s him who initiates to be with me, and there were also times that he suddenly snaps and cancels.
     
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  6. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Sounds like he doesn't know what the hell he wants but he's still jealous of you potentially getting close to other guys. I mean, you were pretty straightforward with him about how you felt and all he had to say was that he was "caught off guard" and he appreciates the friendship? Meh, very noncommittal response. Up to you if you want to press him or wait, but that would be a red flag to me which would signal me to move on. If he really does like you he should quit being moody and passive / passive-aggressive about it and step up like you did.
     
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  7. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    Would it be possible that he has not moved on from his previous relationship (which lasted for just 3-4 months)?
     
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  8. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    There were also times that he tags me on planned trips with his bestfriend and the bestfriend’s girlfriend. Pfffs
     
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  9. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    He also tells me things like, I still need to heal. When we talk about the trips that we plan to have, he’ll say one step at a time
     
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  10. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Not sure. (Edit: though the "I still need to heal" statement you mentioned is somewhat telling). You may be right about the indecisiveness coming from the fact that you can have children, however I'm afraid of just uselessly encouraging your fears in reviewing these possibilities. I guess I just think that it's strange that he would give such minimal response when you've given him an introvert's dream in that you took the lead in admitting your feelings to him. I think you have a right to ask for an answer though, as far as whether or not he wants to be more than friends at some point.

    Apologies, I realized that you're probably looking more for insight from an INFJ which I am not. It's also the end of the day where I live so I may be approaching this with far less compassion or awareness than the situation merits.
     
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    #10 Sloe Djinn, Jan 13, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
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  11. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    He was actually referring to me, that I still need to heal
     
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  12. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    Oh, my mistake. So looking more closely at your initial post, my response may have been a bit hasty, and I think that @souvenir gave decent advice. It's been somewhat over a year and during part of that time each of you were in separate relationships. Overall that's not an incredibly long time.
     
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  13. the

    the Si master race.
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    Did you ask him if he likes you? That's the best way to know where you stand.
     
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  14. Krypton

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    Not an INFJ, but I think despite the personality difference it might be useful to flip the scenario around. How long would it take you after a breakup to start feeling ready to date again?
     
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  15. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    Not yet. I’m afraid I might scare him off
     
  16. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    He was actually referring to my late husband. He didn’t know I had a previous relationship
     
  17. Chickensoup

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    Hmmm, I have guy friends and sometimes do things they might consider amorous when it wasn’t, on my end. (Though honestly, they seem to be reaching imho.) I’ve also had guy friends who I thought were amorous towards me and turned out they weren’t. Aaaah, the ambiguities of a male/female friendship. I think if you approach it with a sense of humor, life will be easier for the both of you.

    I’m one of those people who believes in most instances, male/female one-on-one friendships share a certain degree of attraction, and that seems to be the case here with you. Whether that turns into something more...well, I think you have to wait and see. You’ve already told him how you feel. Maybe he’s testing out how he feels with you, so let him do that, unless it’s too hard for you in which case, just let him know that. I think he’d respect your feelings.
     
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  18. the

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    Why do you want to be with a guy who can be scared off by a question?
     
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  19. OP
    Pinkerbell

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    It’s because he is an INFJ.
     
  20. Irish

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    Hey, Pinkerbell. I happen to be a guy who would act like your friend. I'm INFJ, I struggle with loneliness, finding genuine people, and someone understanding. When I meet a girl who I can have real and deep meaningful communication with there is nothing like it. It's refreshing and calming, helps sort out a brain on the brink of crazy. But in those instances girls become close friends and loyalty and love kicks in. It's like I want them to stay just as my best friend because they help me more than they know but still get jealous when they talk to other guys (usually only jealous when I don't like the other guy, maybe it comes from fear of loosing the friendship, time, and closeness to another person). Our personal loyalty will also drive us to be the perfect gentleman for the very few friends us INFJ's actually have. Like, it is take a bullet for you literal loyalty. A lot of times it's taken as flirting but it's actually the way we show our closest friends that we value them. We value them so we take care of them. Love (or I should specify attraction) eventually comes along and things get flirty and playful at times but like I said before, no actual intent of going further, it's simply giving into the natural feelings that start to occur in the situation. It's what happens when two people get close and spend time together.
    So I believe this guy is depending on you as someone he trusts enough to let you into his chaotic mind and help settle/calm it. It sounds like he values you a ton as his best friend, being a gentleman is just his way of expressing to you that you are appreciated. And ask him right out if he wants to stay in the position as friends you currently are. Keep flirting on low or love chemicals start to fly and then the hearts get hurt. I don't think he would leave you, he depends on you too much as a friend to easy his mind/lonliness.
     
    #20 Irish, Jan 19, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2018
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