Does it annoy you when people dont look you in the eyes?

Kmal

Kmal

Well-known member
MBTI
INFJ
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9w8 sx/sp
It does me. It irritates me to no end. I've been called overbearing, but I've most certainly worked on it to where people shouldnt feel that way anymore. People will glance at my eyes, but rarely hold eye contact to my satisfaction.

Is this common with other INFJs? Other types at all? Why do you think it is so? WHY WONT THEY LOOK ME IN MY EYES???
 
I don't give a crap unless I'm saying something super important. People are at all sorts of different levels of comfortability with themselves and with me.
 
Kmal said:
Look me in the eye when you do it and we wont have a problem; except for the fact you slapped me.
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Looking people in the eyes is just irrelevant in most cases imo. People who complain about it also happen to be a big pet peeve of mine.
 
Wyote said:
I don't give a crap unless I'm saying something super important. People are at all sorts of different levels of comfortability with themselves and with me.
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I suppose I should lower my expectations of people. It's a hard habit to break; I keep forgetting everyone's not perfect.

Peppermint said:
Looking people in the eyes is just irrelevant in most cases imo. People who complain about it just happen to be a big pet peeve of mine.
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Interesting. It's a sign of respect to me, or that you're hiding something if you can't look someone in the eyes. I trust people who look me in the eye moreso than someone who doesnt hold eye contact.
 
Kmal said:
Interesting. It's a sign of respect to me, or that you're hiding something if you can't look someone in the eyes. I trust people who look me in the eye moreso than someone who doesnt hold eye contact.
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i've had people blatantly and maliciously lie to me while directly looking me dead in my eyes. me, being an excellent judge of character and energies, was able to pick it up.

but the moral of the story is, it's pretty much a myth that looking someone directly in the eyes means they are telling you the truth.


with that said, i do enjoy looking people directly in the eyes, and i feel very comfortable when the other person is comfortable enough to do the same with me!
 
I think it's more about their own insecurity, anxiety [MENTION=2259]Kmal[/MENTION]. I almost never look anyone in the eyes. I can't hold a gaze for too long, because it's too intense, and makes me uncomfortable. I have to look away. Sorry... :(
 
My gaze has always made people uncomfortable since I was a kid, so I have no problem with people who can't look me in the eye. I also have become prone to bouncing back and forth from eye contact to not keeping locked in on people, to avoid making them uncomfortable.

I feel like I should mention that if someone tries to stare me down in a way that seems like a dominance challenge, I'll get really pissed, really fast. Gotten in more than a few fights over that, though mostly they've backed down when they realize I'm not having it.
 
I made a similar topic a long while ago about this very thing. When I made the topic I was feeling much like you. I mean, why not? Why does everyone act so afraid of each other? When I am on an up sort of day, I really want to engage people I am talking with and look into their eyes. But [MENTION=751]Peppermint[/MENTION] has a good point. No one has the right to demand someone let you look into their eyes. It is a privilege, not a right.
 
Along with all of the other excellent comments, one must consider the culture of the person you're trying to communicate with.

There are a number of cultures who deem direct eye gazing as being rude. Native American culture's come to mind.
There are some who consider it as being aggressive or a challenge.

When I was growing up in (back in the dark ages :wink:) young women did not look at a man directly - unless she was - um - loose. "Good" girls/young women were supposed to be demure and act coy along with a whole bunch of stupid concepts and ideas.

From my perspective - at first, many people get uncomfortable when I look them in the eyes because I look deeply into them. Usually they relax when they see I'm not trying to judge them.

There's an old saying: "The eyes are the windows to the soul.".
Some people don't want you to know what's in their soul....:ohwell:
 
i often feel uncomfortable making eye contact with others especially if i feel nervous, or inferior to them in some way. it doesn't bother me if people don't want to make eye contact with me.
 
I've always had a problem with looking people in the eye, but it's gotten better. I think you should ease off on people that don't. Some may just be shy. There's no reason to get angry at them for it. Even if they aren't shy, I'm sure it's nothing personal against you. It just has to do with their comfort level.

People used to tell me that I could sometimes speak confidently, but I still didn't look people in the eye when I did. I was unsure why this bothered people, because it would seem to me that the content of my speech would be more important. But I know that it is a big deal for some.
 
My biggest problem with eye contact, and I've mentioned this before, is that I can't really keep my eyes fixated on one point when I'm talking or it will hinder my articulation and disrupt my line of thought. My eyes usually roll all over the place as I'm talking and it doesn't even occur to me I should be keeping eye contact. It's really irritating to be interrupted by someone getting pissy about this.

That and, eye contact is intimate and reserved for non-verbal intense situations for me.
 
I've been working on eye contact. At the beginning of the year, I used to annoy my girlfriend because I would never make eye contact, she believed it was a sign of respect. Same with other people. My little sister, of no relation, doesn't notice that i don't make eye contact but I'm typically giving her advice and such and taking the conversation more seriously. It just depends, I suppose. Usually, if I feel the situation calls for it, I make eye contact.

This all changes when I'm arguing, apparently I'm a very intimidating and persuasive person. I never break eye contact when I'm arguing.

Since I've been focusing on eye contact, I've noticed how few people actually participate in it. It doesn't bother me since I didn't do it either but it's very interesting to me. There are certain benefits to making eye contact and seriously connecting with people. But that could just be me.
 
I don't care, as long as they aren't staring at a different part of me other than my eyes. Over my shoulder, fine. Above my head, fine. At what I'm indicating, fine. At the floor, fine. At something they have, fine. I don't care, as long as it's not me.
 
I'm a curious ENFP who is always eager to look people in the eyes. However, many INFJs I've met have eyes that are so hard to catch - they seem to be all over the place, like electrons. Those are my Mad-eyed INFJs ^^. Sometimes they become the opposite and stare right through you like lasers, but unlike with IxTPs, their Ti-stare doesn't paralyze me with fear, it's still warm and concerned somehow. I can trust such stare to read right into my shallow little soul, no problem.
 
No. I figure they are shy or just really thinking about what they want to say...
 
I too appreciate eye contact, however, it is cultural. and it can also intimate. i understand why some folks have a difficult time with it. .
there is a balance of making and breaking eye contact that is hard for some to do well, so they avoid it altogether.
 
I've never given a damn, though admitedly eye-contact and non-verbal communication are totally useless to me.

I have however spent most of my school-aged life being told by teachers to look at people when I'm talking to them, so I tend to do so out of habit, though it tends to unnerve them somewhat, I think, especially if i don't know them.
 
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