Does anyone else's family bring out the INFJ shadow? | INFJ Forum

Does anyone else's family bring out the INFJ shadow?


Peace Through Action
Dec 10, 2009
Just curious.....

I just realized any extended time I spend around them brings out all these negative characteristics.

Then I go into hiding from them because I realize I was turning down the wrong path. Of course, now I have to find a way to positively deal with it instead of ignoring them...

But anyway, does anyone else go through this???
The only thing I have noticed when I am hanging out with my family is that they tend to bring my Se out. When together, my family loves dancing, talking, making jokes, and practically anything that involves being in the moment. They also kind of suck at planning as well, foresight isn't the best for them.

My family does somewhat downplay all of my other functions except Fe but I wouldn't say that brings out my shadow functions though.
Oh yes.

I don't know whether it's shadow functions but I've never been able to be... me around my family- which mainly comprises of my 4 sisters and my Mum and Dad. I am emotionally cold around them but I'm always willing to help and support if needed, not that they ever need it. My parents... we're like off different planets and I've never been able to talk to them about anything or relate them. My family is mainly introverted and I've found that I did miss the acceptance of silence and space that I get at home, when I came back for Christmas after living on my own with house mates for uni. We can go through a day barely talking to each other but that's okay because it's comfortable silence.

I always felt like the black sheep and I do have resentment towards them but I find as I grow older, those grudges fade away as I become more independent and gain more perspective. Also the MBTI has given me insight into how none of their actions when I was younger, were malicious, just down to differences.
Yes, I am usually always calm, and ignore them but once I can't take it anymore and need to find our current conflict My shadow functions come out, not so much ESTP, but more ENFP like, I start defending with all my random ideas and start speculating, then I get defsnve with my Fi and would not give in to their views which they pretty much try to enforce on me, Te then comes trying to put everything in order, gathering all my possible knowledge to attack back and then Si I can be pretty resentful and use previous situations to defend my point..but again this is very rare, and this side of me only shows off sporadically, though I wish it would show more sometimes since at times I'm to much of a pushover.
YEEEEEESSSS!!!! This happened over Christmas. I am still trying to create value from all of the old garbage that got aired. If it gets aired it needs to be aired. I have to say that I recovered more quickly and spent less time in my shadow self. I am making progress.
No I'm more or less indifferent to everything I go silent whenever things like my mom brings up issues working to keep the family going or my dad makes any references to overseas or anything he does for me that involves that. beyond that I just an angsty college kid at times
When i'm stressed and struggle to be in a strongly social or extroverted environment, I go Fi. But otherwise, when i'm relaxed, i become more Se, but it's usually forced. I'm best when i balance Fe+Ni well.

They' my aggressive side. Which is what my shadow is. I feel like I have to bring them down...until now. Which probably wasn't the case.
I moved half way across the country to start over, and glad to not see my relatives ever again, but yes I have cussed them out and dared them to put their hands on me. I really don't consider them "my people" nor do they consider me.

My dad's sister, 2 brothers , and their kids I have no love for. I have no family in my heart or mind, but I never had any fear of them and often hoped they would get in my face so I could , and even told them "Try Me" , and see what I do. That didn't happen but 2 times, but most of the time I would go years without seeing any of them. Finally I just moved to another state , and it was the best thing I ever done. I said more than what the OP was wanting , but the detail was necessary.
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uhmm yes around my family
and people who i feel dont like me
also around people who hurt me
and whenever i feel so horrible not beinh myself..i feel so guilty.... i just go to the adoration chapel and pray that i find myself again..and that God may guide and lead me to the right path :)
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My mother will bring out my "Ti" side. I love her, but she's sooo extroverted and extremely sensory. I feel like I'm on my guard with her, especially when she starts pointing out things in my life that she thinks need changing. Not that I listen - because I'll give her that "look" or my tone changes. She's learning when to push and when not to push, though.

I think I can count on one hand the times when we've had a mutually satisfying conversation (aka, deep conversation) that didn't end in an argument.
Well, I'm actually very fortunate to have a small immediate family that consists of the entire xNxJ spectrum. My extended family has a tendency to stress me out, though -- they're noisy and there are too many of them.

The only real issue I have in my immediate family is with my ENTJ sister. She's full-up on the Te and Fi, and sometimes the way she argues brings out those functions in me pretty heavily, and often in a brutal and moody fashion.
My dad I get along with marvelously -- he's INTJ, and we're both pretty developed in our tertiary functions, so general we get along very well. My ENFJ mom sometimes is a bit too controlling in that way that ENFJs tend to be, but her and I have a sort of mutual understanding that makes it easier to deal with her than my sister tends to.