Do you find most people to be emotionally superficial?

[Artemisia]

I struggle a lot when it comes to dealing with certain aspects in others. I seek emotional and intellectual depth and it seems that most people only want to look at human nature and the world in a superficial way. For example, my INTP boyfriend doesn't like talking with his dad even though the latter calls him about once every ten days or so. I asked him why he does this and he prefers to sweep things under the rug. I noticed he does this when family members are ill too. He just prefers not to deal with emotions and has a superficial understanding of the emotions of others in general.

I have noticed this in the majority of people really. It also makes me wonder whether many of these people have the depth (emotional and intellectual) to understand the world in general. I can't tell you how many superficial academic papers I have read recently.

Sorry for the rant. I was wondering if other INFJs struggle with finding people who share their emotional and intellectual depth.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

The problem isn't the depth but the connection.

You may simply not speak their language. Saying that other people don't have emotional depth is like complaining that the French don't speak English and therefore they lack the capacity to communicate.

Humans are humans. We just have to learn how to speak to them and hear them.

 

[Daustus]

I think I can see what you are saying. I view it as people not wanting to connect with others on an emotional level. As a Fe user I want to connect with others emotionally and I do get disappointed when I see the scenario you described with your boyfriend and his father. I chalk that up to preference in communication though. Sounds like a thinker versus a feeler scenario.

*And Hos posted while I wrote my response. Pretty much what he said*

 

[sassafras]

I seek emotional and intellectual depth and it seems that most people only want to look at human nature and the world in a superficial way.

There are definitely different types of people out there in the world. Different personalities, different pathologies, different emotional hang ups and traumas and the like. Some people may seem like they lack depth, but that's only because they show their depth to a privileged few. Being on a MBTI forum, you know extroversion/introversion is a thing. Not everyone has the emotional and social energy to spread around freely.

And then there are some people who just think everyone else is shallower than an inflatable kiddie pool and don't bother. Just like you're judging people, they're judging you.

For example, my INTP boyfriend doesn't like talking with his dad even though the latter calls him about once every ten days or so. I asked him why he does this and he prefers to sweep things under the rug. I noticed he does this when family members are ill too. He just prefers not to deal with emotions and has a superficial understanding of the emotions of others in general.

There may be some family history there that you shouldn't take for granted. Some people are emotional vampires on a good day; when they get sick, they suck the soul out of your body. It takes some mental preparation.

I have noticed this in the majority of people really. It also makes me wonder whether many of these people have the depth (emotional and intellectual) to understand the world in general. I can't tell you how many superficial academic papers I have read recently.

Some do, some don't. But not everyone wears their depth on display and its easy to misjudge someone based on stereotype.

I personally think that in the age of 24/7 access, where anyone can find you and reach out, everyone's emotional meters are understandably a bit more depleted. There are psychological consequences to being available and on demand to anyone's leisure... and most people choose to communicate online. And online communication automatically spreads you very thin if you're interacting with x amount of people on social media all at the same time.

Then there's the fact that unique voices get stomped out and criticized if the opinion doesn't fit a popular consensus. So people also censor themselves and parrot things back to one another that are 'safe' and then you get fewer and fewer original thoughts as everyone joins the herd.

Sorry for the rant. I was wondering if other INFJs struggle with finding people who share their emotional and intellectual depth.

It's a common complaint among introverts that are high in trait neurosis, yes.

 

[barbad0s]

I struggle when it comes to people who start threads to mask a gripe about their SO (as well as humanity in general) on the internet, trying to look simultaneously for sympathy from others.

 

[Pin]

I don't really care what most people think, all I want is dem big bucks. Ya heard?

 

[Sandie33]

Sorry for the rant. I was wondering if other INFJs struggle with finding people who share their emotional and intellectual depth.

Yes, please don't feel sorry for sharing a rant, it is helpful to others

I've found xNTP's in general appear to be indifferent, often cold with feelings...most are not. They just have a different internal way of processing emotions. I believe much of it is Fi function. What I mean is if they're okay with their emotional processing they're ok. It's not like they don't care, but rather care on their own terms. When we toss in upbringing it seems even more apt they seem reserved in expression.

 

[barbad0s]

I’ll give myself a lobotomy and cry into a jar for you @OP. Then you can drink it and feel better.

 

[spudscoffee]

So much! 99.9% of them don't know how to control their feelings that why it is easy to hit their ego.
If they don't manage their mental strength they become emotionally unstable and more headaches to come.

 

[Ren]

I struggle when it comes to people who start threads to mask a gripe about their SO (as well as humanity in general) on the internet, trying to look simultaneously for sympathy from others.

Same. And it's not the first time with this person. It used to be the depressed and unambitious INFP boyfriend, now it's the emotionally stunted INTP boyfriend.

Methinks the OP might have difficulty empathising with others.

 

[acd]

It seems that if one believes that most people have a problem or everyone else is superficial.... It points to them having the problem and being superficial. And it likely stems from self absorption. Not saying that to be harsh but it might be worth looking into.

 

[barbad0s]

Same. And it's not the first time with this person. It used to be the depressed and unambitious INFP boyfriend, now it's the emotionally stunted INTP boyfriend.

Methinks the OP might have difficulty empathising with others.

Lmao yeah I remember this user from way back. I almost can’t believe they are for real. Why choose an intentionally bitchy looking avatar and complain about “INFJ problems” in such a negative and overly exaggerated way? Either they are a bored troll, IMO or they glorify the idea of being a special INFJ snowflake to the point of fetishizing it and not caring about how stupid and unrealistic they look, on top of using it to justify being a shitty person.

 

[Gaze]

No claims to be a saint here because I'm just as guilty of judging when I don't understand, but it may help to not look at this as a failing on someone's part and perhaps see this as an instance in which you simply don't understand the person. Simply because someone doesn't want to share, doesn't mean they lack the depth. And sorry to say, but no one owes you their story. If they want to share, they will share. Just because they don't, doesn't mean they can't. If they fear you will judge them, then they'll not likely feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with you.

The first step in active listening is paying attention, being mindful of the other person, and understanding them on their terms, not yours, not based on your understanding, then you can share your feelings. But assuming they just don't get it or get you because they're not sharing the way you want them to, is short sighted. Learn to see things from someone else's point of view, and please stop presenting these issues as a failing of others. You're more likely to get more understanding and help if you avoid presenting these persons you're speaking of as emotionally or intellectually inferior. Some humility would help. I'm sorry to say, but this is something that you should've grasped by now after all these years on the forum, but I think you're going to continue doing this and seeking sympathy without any interest in change.

If you don't change your perspective, you're going to keep having these issues. Best to you.

 

[Somnium]

Sorry for the rant. I was wondering if other INFJs struggle with finding people who share their emotional and intellectual depth.

It’s okay to look for some opinion other than yours for a better understanding, no need to apologize for that ^^

Oh well, that’s more than understandable, even more when you look around and notice that others may have distinct perspectives, motivations, conceptions and principles than your own ones. It’s a sure thing that not everyone is willing to comprehend you in depth, to the point of letting themselves be convinced by others on whether they should do or not.
Many have mentioned personality aspects and some pretty reliable facts, those were really good in explanations. Apart from that, I believe it’s also a matter of you comprehending the other’s way of being, so this way, you’ll be inclined to share your depth and intellectual traits to someone who you really picture being equally connected or even somebody who’s willing to try to have such personal insights with you.

 

[dragulagu]

It’s a sure thing that not everyone is willing to comprehend you in depth, to the point of letting themselves be convinced by others on whether they should do or not.

Honestly...comprehending INFJ's in depth on an emotional level is a pretty hard task to do.

 

[Somnium]

Honestly...comprehending INFJ's in depth on an emotional level is a pretty hard task to do.

Without a shadow of doubt!
Each one is unknown in an individual form of comprehension. Although, INFJs are a hella difficult math problem, most of the times being recognized and accepted is as important as being fully understood

 

[dragulagu]

Without a shadow of doubt!
Each one is unknown in an individual form of comprehension. Although, INFJs are a hella difficult math problem, most of the times being recognized and accepted is as important as being fully understood

Yup, all-though I'll be honest here, there's too much emphasis in being misunderstood. Not that INFJ's aren't enigmatic in their emotional being. But just too withholding(?) in showing their emotional selves. It's like a safe wall first of "is this person able to be emotionally mature enough not to hurt me" then open up and hoping they understand you. No stress in that regard tbh., just understand that there are many of people that do not invest that much energy in understanding emotions that way... .

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

I see those some here went for the invalidation rout rather than trying to show op some empathy and understanding but on a person token I can find much more toxic ways to say that some here who once again went for invalidation are cut from the same block in all the wrong ways. I don't enjoy interacting with most men for this reason especially the emotionally stunted and unexpressive that can't handle their own emotions much less that of others preferring things to be flat ect ect ect. The way some here expect to be human is just another job like everything else.

 

[dragulagu]

I see those some here went for the invalidation rout rather than trying to show op some empathy and understanding but on a person token I can find much more toxic ways to say that some here who once again went for invalidation are cut from the same block in all the wrong ways. I don't enjoy interacting with most men for this reason especially the emotionally stunted and unexpressive that can't handle their own emotions much less that of others preferring things to be flat ect ect ect. The way some here expect to be human is just another job like everything else.

Sorry, I read this as blablabla lack of empathy blablabla not understanding blablabla toxic blablabla men are emotional idiots. I'm telling you again: it's the amount of emotional investment people are doing that matters. INFJ's (and INFP's) do an incredible amount of investment in emotional energy. Don't expect every MBTI type or person to just jump into this amount of focus immediately..

 

[Somnium]

Yup, all-though I'll be honest here, there's too much emphasis in being misunderstood. Not that INFJ's aren't enigmatic in their emotional being. But just too withholding(?) in showing their emotional selves. It's like a safe wall first of "is this person able to be emotionally mature enough not to hurt me" then open up and hoping they understand you. No stress in that regard tbh., just understand that there are many of people that do not invest that much energy in understanding emotions that way... .

I see what you’re saying there, for INFJs this feeling seems almost like an instinct, holding emotions back first. Despite the backgrounds and contexts, it’s always hard to make one understand your own emotions when you’re not quite able to do that yourself first. And I’d say that’s a repetitive scenario (mainly for INFJs), people looking for themselves in others... that’s just bound to be turbulent, in my opinion.
After all, yeah, the misunderstanding complex is indeed a barrier.