Do you downplay emotional problems?

[Deleted member 16771]

Hi all,

I was wondering about something. If you have an emotional problem (you 'feel' something), do you tend to downplay it in order to minimise its effect on you, or do you tend to make it more 'real' in order to properly analyse it and 'solve' it?

We might refer to these two approaches as 'hypostatising' (make more real, cool word), and 'non-hypostatising' (make less real).

E.g. A person who hypostatises things might say 'right, I feel a certain way, I need to ruminate on this and/or talk about it', whereas a non-hypostatising person might say 'right, I'm not going to give any weight to this silly thought. I'm going to avoid saying it out loud or thinking about it, and at some point it will just evaporate'.

What do you guys think? Any analyses in terms of MBTI (Te/Fe difference?) or attachment styles (anxious/avoidant difference?) would be cool.

 

[Ginny]

I just explored the depth of my abandonment issues, so why not?

I think I am or was anxious in my attachment, but becoming more stable with regarding my own Self as somewhat important during the past couple of years (it was a slow process until I had a self-development leap last year).

I believe it is more likely that an Fe-user would make it less real, while an Fi-user would feel it as the ultimate reality. To counter it, a Ti-user would experience it similarly to the Fi-user and the Te-user analogue to the Fe-user. The differences in these groups may lie in the introversion/extraversion of the function, or in the valuing of the function depending on its location in the stack.

The Fe-user is likely to analyse the feeling after instinctively pushing it away, as they are easily overwhelmed for not valuing the emotions the way an Fi-user would. A Ti user would experience a similar overwhelmedness, but is less equipped to handle it and has to push it further away. The Fi-user is probably most selfish regarding their emotions, but they're also best equipped to handle them, even if they do appear more emotional at first. The Te-user is least likely to acknowledge their emotions at all, they will handle them when they have time and patience for it or when they are utterly incapable of doing anything else. I have no idea though how they deal with it, if they're any good at it or not. I guess it sort of depends on practice, but most likely they are going to bottle it down until they create a black hole under all that pressure, producing the image of not having any feelings at all.

This analysis is highly generalistic and should be narrowed down to type-level, but I think neither of us has the patience for a lengthy and possibly repetetive analysis of how each type deals with feelings.

I myself am probably fluctuating between strategies, but my main approach has been to analyse the feeling by writing about it, in order to create a feedback loop for myself. However, during my formative years I was very much covering them up (loosely, as I believe I was still analysing them subconsciously) under total immersion in fictional worlds.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I believe it is more likely that an Fe-user would make it less real, while an Fi-user would feel it as the ultimate reality. To counter it, a Ti-user would experience it similarly to the Fi-user and the Te-user analogue to the Fe-user. The differences in these groups may lie in the introversion/extraversion of the function, or in the valuing of the function depending on its location in the stack.

Wow, this is very perceptive and I tend to agree.* It sounds counter-intuitive, but I think Fe is actually very unemotional; if the Fe-user needs to repress their feelings to maintain harmony, then they will do that. Fi is probably irrepressible in this way.

*P.S. I should say, I didn't know this for sure until you posted.

 

[Ginny]

Wow, this is very perceptive and I tend to agree. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I think Fe is actually very unemotional; if the Fe-user needs to repress their feelings to maintain harmony, then they will do that. Fi is probably irrepressible in this way.

Yes, Fe is indeed fairly unemotional. But it stands in direct contact with Fi on the shadow side, which also plays a big role in the emotionality of FJs, be it now in the 5th or 6th slot. Fe is rather the enabler to express Fi, so considering stacking/control of either is fairly important in gaugeing how the reaction ultimately manifests.

 

[Headstorm]

As far as it concerns feelings that were evoked from the outside I tend to ignore them and play them down I guess. That gives me a chance to analyse the feelings. But I do have a lot of conversations in my head where I sort of 'prepare' for future confrontations or events. During those conversations I sometimes make those feelings real and I can get angry for example simply because I am having an imaginary argument with somebody...
But then again, sometimes it makes me feel good for no existing reason .

 

[Lady Jolanda]

I definitely push my emotions away and downplay my emotional problems. That is not helpful in the slightest, so I'm trying to unlearn it, but it is my first instinct.

Talking or writing about my emotions helps to process and analyze them.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Wow all... I'm learning something new about Fe/INFJs.

I tend to need to make the feelings real, and discuss them or process them in some other way. I don't think I'm actually very capable of 'repressing' things, and I'm typically the one to point out the elephant in the room, &c. I can become frustrated with the inability of Fe users to properly articulate their own feelings; to emote and engage emotionally.

 

[Headstorm]

Wow all... I'm learning something new about Fe/INFJs.

Cool

 

[Lady Jolanda]

But I do have a lot of conversations in my head where I sort of 'prepare' for future confrontations or events. During those conversations I sometimes make those feelings real and I can get angry for example simply because I am having an imaginary argument with somebody...
But then again, sometimes it makes me feel good for no existing reason .

I used to do this all the time too. I try not to anymore, cause reality never follows the script you write in your imagination.

I can become frustrated with the inability of Fe users to properly articulate their own feelings; to emote and engage emotionally.

It's more a matter of feeling the impact of my feelings on their feelings, and their feelings on my feelings, for me. That line gets very blurry and puts me in care-taking mode.
If you're feeling something and I'm feeling something, I will tend to your feelings first, always. (And may forget to tend to my own.)
The interaction may also change my feelings.

I don't like elephants taking up rooms though. It may take me a few hours to days to address it, but I don't want any unresolved lingering tension.

Edit: Not that my Fe is amazing. I'm sure the INFJs respond somewhat differently.

 

[John K]

I was wondering about something. If you have an emotional problem (you 'feel' something), do you tend to downplay it in order to minimise its effect on you, or do you tend to make it more 'real' in order to properly analyse it and 'solve' it?

For myself, I make a very big distinction between feeling emotions and using my feeling function to assess and decide - the former are involuntary but the latter is mostly under my conscious control.

It depends on the nature and intensity of the emotions, and the context in which they are taking place, what I do with them. For example, if I'm stuck with a group of people who are stressing me out by doing extravert things and I start to feel anxious and alienated then I'll repress for a while, but I'll seek to withdraw if the situation persists. If I suffer from anxiety, or feel depressed, then I'll often suppress, particularly as I can be an adrenaline junkie and can become a bit hyperactive - when I do finally come to a rest it can come as a surprise to me that I'm actually quite anxious and have been feeling that way for quite some time without noticing. Irritation I'll just pretend to ignore, but if it develops into anger I'll probably extravert it in some way - perhaps dressed up for respectable company, but maybe not - have to watch this reaction when I'm driving and suppression is usually the right way forward there

It's worth looking at the other end of the spectrum, at intense good emotions - I'm very aware of these in myself, feel them intensely, and will pursue them consciously. I will very rarely extravert these at all.

If any of these (eg anxiety) get out of hand, which has happened to me particularly under extreme stress at home, and I fall into compassion fatigue for example, I'm only too well aware of it and I'll extravert it to anyone who is willing to talk to me about it. This I find helps a lot ..... but although I am always aware of and apprehend my very intense emotions, both good and bad, this perception is an Ni certainty sort of awareness which is holistic and non-verbal. To actually express this awareness to others often involves a tedious and anxiety enhancing Ni/Ti -> Fe struggle which I don't necessarily have the energy or patience to work through if I'm in distress (or transported by joy LOL). In my teens and twenties, I expressed these sort of intense emotions by writing poetry, and quite a lot of art seems to be a similar kind of way of discharging emotion.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

Avoiding and white washing doesn't work so I just face it all head on and push through until the issue is either resolved or I have come to terms.

 

[jn56uytrx]

The Fe-user is likely to analyse the feeling after instinctively pushing it away,

If I am an Fe user, then I agree with this.

My immediate reaction was push it down!

Then I realized I can talk endlessly trying to sort out my experience when I am with people I feel safe talking to.

I think I am healthiest when I am aware of and expressing feelings directly, but it can sometimes be an effort to get there.

 

[Ginny]

If I am an Fe user, then I agree with this.

My immediate reaction was push it down!

Then I realized I can talk endlessly trying to sort out my experience when I am with people I feel safe talking to.

I think I am healthiest when I am aware of and expressing feelings directly, but it can sometimes be an effort to get there.

If you're an INFJ, then you are

 

[Pin]

My default is to ignore tough emotions because they're not typically constructive. I never used to analyze them but that's been changing lately because there's an advantage to doing so.

Presuming that I develop my inferior function, I'll become a real hero, a real human bean.

 

[Icedream]

yeah

 

[jn56uytrx]

If you're an INFJ, then you are

Yes, it was just my way of communicating allowance for doubt about my type, which I still am doing a bit.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

I’d rather talk things out. Most chicks look down on that though. You have problems. Go see a therapist. You’re here to romance me, bang me and make me feel validated. You getting banged is the ultimate form of validation

 

[Icedream]

yikes. You know people like that?

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Yes. Women are different these, days. Like most women are generally onboard with this

 

[Icedream]

Yes. Women are different these, days. Like most women are generally onboard with this

I haven't experienced that myself, and I'm sorry you have. What I do know, is that a big part of who your options are comes from how you act and carry yourself. There are different crowds for different people, and that makes everyone we end up in a relationship (for the most part) similar or identical in some way. Does that make sense?