[INFJ] - Do INFJs easlyy get into relationships? Are they happy in their relationships ?? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Do INFJs easlyy get into relationships? Are they happy in their relationships ??

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Haifaa Aziz, Jun 8, 2013.

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  1. Haifaa Aziz

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    As a single INFJ who's been in relationship for twice (both were short-term relationships, longest one were 6 months) i always wonder 'am i gonna find someone who understands and appreciates my personality?' am scared to stay alone for my entire life.
    I know that i have some good traits that any guy would appreciate and many guys have told me so, in contrast my shyness and inability to communicate my feelings clearly confuses guys into thinking that am not interested. for example when i have a crush on some one i tend to ignore them even if they seemed interested in me in return and i feel hurt but i don't know how to deal with this and above all, my over sensitivity screws every relationship i ever have :(

    So i need to know how good do INFJs do in relationships.. please your help! :')
     
  2. Bikerdelic

    Bikerdelic Spammer

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    Well as a man who is INFJ, I have faired well, being with the same partner for over 20 years, but us guys can get away with shyness as it can be seen in different ways, some might find it a bit aloof whilst some women see it as a challenge (Silent types). However, I think if the same shyness was exhibited in a INFJ woman, and particularly if she is a attractive (Don't mean to sound sexists here) then a man would read her body language differently, as meaning that she would not be interested in knowing them, or maybe even be seen as dismissing them. It is just how the sexes have evolved through time. A tip might be to try and practise smiling, and I don't mean to be patronising here, as if you can learn to smile when you are feeling nervous when attracted to someone, it can help to start the ball rolling, as a smile is an invitation to converse with one another person, it is a welcoming signal of acceptance. There is nothing more beautiful for a straight guy than a woman smiling at him, and also remember that they are just another person, just like you, needing the same basics in life as yourself.
    Also it helps to have a clear idea of your interests passions and ideals, as going to the places that share these interests, then your more likely to meet a kindred spirit. I know some may not agree with this, but also remember that men are more sensitive than they would ever let on, so first impressions count, but all it takes is a smile. If the guy see that your smiling at him, even if you start to clam up with shyness, he'll know that your interested but will guess that your also shy, which can be a very endearing trait in a woman, as long as he knows that you like him. Hope this helps in anyway.
     
  3. OP
    Haifaa Aziz

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    guess what! one of the good traits i was talking about is that am a smiley person :) smiling helps me a lot in making new friends and attracting guys but eventually when they get closer to me and i still can't overcome my shyness i believe they think of me as a boring person, i just feel it!
     
  4. Skarekrow

    Skarekrow ~~DEVIL~~

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    So...my 20's were quite frustrating with dating and girlfriends...it was similar to what you describe... I could easily find a girlfriend but they lasted around 6 months at a time...maybe a year. Long story short. I have been divorced twice...first one was very much an extrovert and became an alcoholic after about a year of being married, she would go out drinking almost every night, she was a cheater too I later found out. The second one was different, she was less extroverted, she was Russian (no not mail-order ha ha) and I believe in the end her views on what role I was supposed to play coupled with her inability to show any outward affection (not how it was at the beginning before we were married) messed it up...but I tried, I tried until I was physically sick and throwing up every morning from the stress of it all. It sucked.
    I still to this day couldn't nail down her MBTI type...is there one for fucked in the head?
    Finally, about a year and a half ago, I met another INFJ and it was like night and day...she is the best friend that I never had...I trust her with everything, as I believe she does with me.
    You are still young...you don't need to get serious with anyone even though your mind is telling you differently. There is someone who is your equal out there who will understand your shyness for what it is...who will just get you in spite of your inability to communicate your feelings clearly.
    Just be patient.
     
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  5. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    I've barely had any relationships. I open up to very special girls only. Like, very, very special.
    Can't be arsed with ones who don't understand me. Or with those who don't see things quite like me.
     
  6. ThisIsWhoIAm

    ThisIsWhoIAm is best pony

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    Females please comment --->
     
  7. Gul Dukat

    Gul Dukat Community Member

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    I don't think that your type has anything to do with how easily you get into relationships. It probably has more to do with things like what you look like, your personality, how much money you make, and how secure you are in yourself.

    I'm sure there are INFJs who do well and those who don't.
     
  8. floatingbridge

    floatingbridge Life's a ride
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    That's fine. :) It means you don't settle for "low standards".
     
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  9. Dericho

    Dericho Three

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    Initiation is half the battle. If you look cute and smile in a place where boys are someone will talk to you. Maybe not the person you want, but that's the passive game. I've heard INFJs can mimick other types pretty effectively. Use some of that energy store to play ExFx for a few hours and meet some people. I find putting on my Sensor hat at parties to be very effective for networking, though small talk grates on my soul (yes, we have souls).
     
  10. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    If one seeks a mate because they are scared to be alone - then the mate will eventually figure out they are not being loved for who they are. They will realize the conditions for the relationship are really based upon security.

    Perhaps if you reflected on why you are scared to be alone you will discover how to love and appreciate others for their unique inherent qualities - instead of security. By doing that it will also help you to accept your own unique qualities and love your self. This will lead you to find a mate best suited for you.
     
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  11. Skarekrow

    Skarekrow ~~DEVIL~~

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    God...if I had a penny for everytime I heard the "boring" comment I would be rich. (maybe not rich but I would have a shitload of pennies)
    It isn't a problem once you find the right person. Are you going after the more extrovert type guys (or they after you)? Have you ever thought there is probably just as shy guy out there who probably likes you, maybe a lot, but like you is too shy to approach you? Sometimes to get what we want we have to put ourselves out there and risk being hurt to get what we ultimately want.
     
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    #11 Skarekrow, Jun 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2013
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  12. OP
    Haifaa Aziz

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    My first bf was my first crush, i loved him very much and he left me with no cleat reason that's why am scared of love and instead i look for security though deep down i know that a relationship based on security is a boring one because i have tried it once

    I do think am unique in a good way that's why am not looking for just any guy! no i want a guy who appreciates the traits that make me different.. and i know very well that i should not panic but the fact that i haven't met any person yet that gets who truly i am drives me to scare of not finding a one at all
     
  13. OP
    Haifaa Aziz

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    am too chicken to accept rejection courageously but you're right i should take off my cautious sometimes
     
  14. Skarekrow

    Skarekrow ~~DEVIL~~

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    I hate to say it, but chances are he left the relationship because he is still young and immature not because of something you did, and you are young too...
    Neither one of you will have fully-formed your ideal relationship in your head until you get a bit older...especially him, if he is a certain type of guy, he cannot form those ideals in him mind alone as some can....not that I'm making excuses for him because I'm not.
    I know it puts a certain amount of fear to try again when something like this happens...but if you close off even more then it will be even more difficult for you.
    Instead of channeling your self-doubt, channel your tenacity that you will not let someone who so carelessly played with your love win.
     
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  15. Sloe Djinn

    Sloe Djinn Idiot with Internet Access.

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    This is what I was thinking. Also, if you set such high standards for yourself and the person you're crushing on, i.e. they must be "the one who understands me" then it makes perfect sense that you'd feel all pressured, shy, and unable to express yourself freely. In other words, try to get out of the do-or-die mentality of viewing anyone who is attractive to you in the context of looking for a potential life partner. Easier said than done maybe, but fwiw...
     
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  16. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated
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    I dont know that I would say I have ever had a serious relationship. Once sex ensued it seemed to pretty much center on that alone and that has always happened quickly. So I tried to slow that down but then the girl was always like, "is there something wrong." After numerous attempts to say, "I dont think it likely ill love you easily." I finnaly gave up and just went with the flow again.
     
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  17. Chess

    Chess Community Member

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    I think we do well once we learn how to locate compatible partners and communicate in relationships. Most of my relationships have been long-term (shortest was 4 months, longest 4 years), but I've made some terrible selections in the past and handled some of them poorly. I've made a good choice this time and am more attentive, and this is a happy relationship going on one month this Saturday.

    If you continue to improve your overall ability to locate people who are good for you and interact with them in a positive way, your chances of finding a partner will increase along with it.
     
  18. Faye

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    INFJs experience the most marital dissatisfaction out of all the types. It is difficult for the INFJ type to find a partner that they are happy to be with and who appreciates them.
     
  19. proudpolymath

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    I don't date a lot - I find it superficial and exhausting and a little bit scary. I prefer to thoroughly "vet" someone before going out with them. So I have only had three relationships, the shortest being 4 months, the longest being 6 years. (The one I'm in now is going on six months). I have heard that INFJs are the least satisfied of all types in romantic relationships, and I would say that might be true for me. I'm always looking to improve things - and if you're with someone who is content to go with the flow, that can be frustrating.

    I also fall in love fast and hard, and vulnerability frightens me, so I tend to be very cautious with romance. We INFJs have very high ideals and we feel very deeply, which can make love powerful and wonderful, but can also make it hurt a lot more when it goes badly.
     
  20. jupiterswoon

    jupiterswoon Permanent Fixture

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    A lot of people are dying to date INFJs, just check out what INTJs, ENTPs, INTPs, and other NFs have to say! INFJs are easy to get along with, are reflective and recognize when they are wrong, have great personalities, and interesting minds.

    On the flipside, we can be melodramatic, we can door-slam, we can be weird and cryptic. We can see too much into what's going on and try to get too involved in other people's lives.

    What I've noticed is that people will put more out there if they think you are interested. It sounds like you are still young, I am sure you will get another chance at love.
     
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