Dismissing others | INFJ Forum

Dismissing others

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by sumone, Jun 12, 2008.

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  1. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    When I read that about INFJ's I quickly dismissed it :oops: but then I thought I'd do an experiment and see if it is true. I would listen to the other persons input and watch to see when my 'dismiss' button was triggered and then tell it to shut up and wait it out. Since learning to patiently consider more thoughtfully I have definitely grown.
     
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  2. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    i've never considered it, but now that you mention it, yeah... i will dismiss someone right there on the spot... even if i am still looking like i am paying attention... but as soon as i walk away, whatever they had said is usually dismissed

    its like "i know i'm right and won't even consider your side anymore"... and then if this person keeps bringing up the same subject every time i encounter them, i usually avoid them like the plague... since i really don't want to listen anymore
     
  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Heh, I just dismiss them as equals if they say something extraordinarily retarded, or if they say something retarded often enough... or do something retarded, or infer something retarded, or infer something retarded about something else... uhm, I seem to have an issue with that.
     
  4. CokeNut

    CokeNut Community Member

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    I only dismiss people who bore me or have a superiority complex.
     
  5. Lurker

    Lurker Has nothing to destroy
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    :D I don't hear them in the first place.
     
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  6. Duchess

    Duchess Newbie

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    I'm aware that I do dismiss people (most never know it though...it all happens behind the scenes). Just been trying work out if there is a pattern of dismissal that I have.

    If I am having a discussion with someone, the moment I realise they've stopped "discussing" and have become pedantic about making me see things their way - they're dismissed.

    When someone tries telling me how I "should" handle or feel about a situation that they have never experienced - dismissed.

    Intellectual snobs - dismissed the minute they show they equate intelligence with a piece of paper hung on the wall.

    People whose main desire for discussing a topic is to put shit on something I believe in - dismissed. Can't be bothered wasting my time.

    Someone once asked me what would be the last thing they knew about me. My answer was, that I have a point of no return. I guess that's dismissal?

    What do you think would be the last thing someone would know about you?

    (is it okay to add that here or should I start a new thread?)
     
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  7. GenlDevora

    GenlDevora Newbie

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    I am so different than all of you. Now I am worried. My problem in life has always been that I will stop and listen to someone who approaches me. I always give money to beggars. I always listen to blowhards. There is a particular blowhard at work who seeks me out. It doesn't hurt me to listen to the poor man. I feel pain coming from him. My boss keeps him from bothering me too much. My family has always lectured me on listening to people on the street. I KNOW when someone means to do me evil and it isn't someone from the street. Someone who means to hurt me is always someone I have known for years.

    I think that the INFJs being brought up in today's world have to be more careful than I had to be when I was growing up in the 1950's and 1960's. Things were different then. We used to leave our back doors unlocked, we played in the street, we kissed our parents and each other on the lips, these are things you can't do anymore. How sad that is. I think that now, things are harder, more edgy, more nasty. What is an INFJ to do to still be true to what we are? We all need to have affection and to know we are listened to as if what we are saying is worth listening to. What if I missed something special by not listening or caring? That's what I am concerned about. I am fairly alarmed here.
     
  8. OP
    sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    We're not different, I'm pretty much as you are. I've never, ever 'dismissed' someone who is innocent. Only the ones who, I know, are using me for whatever reason in a cold and calculating way. To not dismiss them would be a mistake.
    I listen to blowhards all the time! Let the ones who need to let off a bit of steam.
    My problem is dismissing other people's ideas or even thoughts too hastily at times.
     
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  9. OP
    sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    It is a nasty world right now I agree. The media, politicians and laws are sucking us dry. There is so much doom and gloom being pushed on us lately it's making the people afraid and pessimistic. And because I believe our collective energy creates our reality, we had better stand up, be strong and demand some changes while we still can.
    I have a 15 year old daughter and I'm horrified that she's coming of age right now. My heart aches for her every day.
     
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  10. gokartride

    gokartride Community Member

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    With regard to the OP, I think my behavior for the most part is also the opposite of what is stated. I don't know if this is innate or the result of training, but I am probably the least dismissive person around.
     
  11. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    When it comes to discussions, I used to always listen to what everyone had to say even when inside me everything would say "NO!" , consciously telling myself to be understanding and not judgemental. Often, I think I would dismiss myself, my emotions, my negative reactions that could have told me something about myself/the other person/the situation if I was to listen to them. I was quite insecure at the time. Scared that my opinions wouldn't be understood or accepted, or that I was going to hurt the person.

    Then quite recently, I did some research on myself, my chilhood problems, etc. I also met an INTP guy (my boyfriend now) who helped me restore my self confidence and since then I have become much more dismissive of some ideas and opinions, because more sure of myself, less worried by what everyone else was to think of me. I'm also just out of the teenage years and so I know myself and my opinions better.

    So now, I try to find a balance between letting people express themselves (even ESTJs...) and aknowledging my opinions about it, even negative ones, as tactfully as possible but without letting others step on me. It is sometimes tricky. But I have time to learn. At least the discussion is much more interesting this way. But it's true my first reaction is often dismissive, when the person has a very different opinion...
     
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  12. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    i agree that dismissal is always my first instinct and Also i find myself not listening to a conversation AT ALL if i have dismissed it..This is something i am working on as well!
     
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  13. moonlight

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    I used to really dismiss others. Not so much anymore. I've come to learn that some people actually have interesting points etc of value. There are those however, who I will dismiss, if it seems they aren't looking at my POV as well.
     
  14. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    exactly... but still standing there like you're listening, but... *cue internal dialog* "what's for supper tonight? what race is on this weekend? i wonder if i took the back bumper off this truck and put it on mine, would it work? i wonder what sizes of wheels i could put on my truck? la la la..."


    and then back to conversation:
    "so, you get what i mean?"

    me: "yea, sure... hey i gotta run but i'll catch you around..."


    but i really, really try not to do that... instead, i try to listen to key points of the conversation, not what they say but the context of what they say... and then give them my analysis of what my conclusions would be...
     
  15. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    OMG this is sooooo me! lol I really try to listen but once its dismissed i cant even concentrate on what they have said! LOL
     
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  16. OP
    sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    When someone is about to tell me the same story for the fourteenth hundred time I won't dismiss them but I will definitely tune them out! Some people don't even care if you really listen, they just want a sounding board most of the time. It's a mutual thing really because they get someone to look at them, nod, look at the ground, look at the sky and all the while you are happily in another galaxy! You already know the outcome of the story - they will simply want a smile and a look of encouragement. It's a break from socialising for me! People might say, "Sumone! How can you have the patience to sit and listen to X?" If they only knew what a good time I'm having!

    The word dismiss infers a holier than thou attitude and I don't get that from anyone here. It goes against our grain to feel superior. It's laughable really.
     
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  17. moonlight

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    I dismiss others when I've quickly gone through what they're saying in their heads and I feel I'm right. Which means I'm dismissing my husband.... a lot. :D
     
  18. OP
    sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    :lol:
     
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  19. alcyone

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    Oh yeah, I am totally on board with you!
     
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