Did this woman get mad at me for not making out with her?

[Darc]

I was having sort of a long conversation with her, I asked her for a "fag" (as they say Britain) I am not a smoker normally, but sometimes I have the odd one. I don't know why, but I was kind of emotional and upset and I just really wanted one. She decided to come out of her room and roll me one, we were both staying in a hostel.


Before that, I passed her in the hall way but she paused and sort of stopped for a few quick second and looked up at me and sort of smiled at me a little. So I waited for her to come back anyway, and ask for a smoke (because I just figured, why not? she seemed friendly enough) after a while of talking to her in the hall, she gave me a really weird looked when I was talking. Like she was looking at my face in a weird way, and my lips i think and she sort of moved her face close to mine but she sort of bulged them out or something. It kind of looked like she was shocked or something. I couldn't read her at all so I couldn't tell if she wanted to make out or anything and she never invited me in her room so I was like "wtf whatever" and just went and smoked outside.

When I got back I knocked on her door and gave her, her lighter back, but she her behavior towards me completely clanged and she seemed sort of angry, and judgemental towards me and I don't get what happened. I could tell at some points though, that she thought how I was acting was weird. I think I smiled in a way that weirded her out, and I think that she probably thought that I was high or on drugs. People seem to think this a lot (I almost think it's because I'm one of the rare people not on them) but I have sort of a natural glow I guess and sometimes I can really happy and enthusiastic but you know, everything's a mental illness these days I guess.



I'm just really "weird"

I don't know if it's just flat out a genetic thing, but I seem to be completely incompatible mentally, and everything else with most people around me. Like I just don' react, look or think the same way, and am perpetually on different wavelengths. I do not know why this is or what their ancestries are and how they differ from mine but I suppose it's possible.

Another thing though, she was obviously from like a really middle class/upper middle class family or something.

 

[Darc]

Oh and another weird thing, I just realized it---but was this some kind of a subtle test that I missed?

She said that rolling the "fag" took long then normal because she usually does it with her mouth, which made me paused and took me off guard because I thought" wait, does anyone roll cigarettes that way? it doesn't really make sense" "but it would be dirty" she said, and then she started doing it and said "oh no, I'm using my mouth" and she was licking it before she gave it to me. And before that she said "it would be in my mouth already"

Was she seriously hinting at something else? and she decided right away "oh a dud, I am totally turned off he doesn't get it" or something, because I've had some experiences with women like that before.

If you come on too strong you're like a pervert or a rapist or something, plus I just met her so I didn't really know to expect or make of her in general and I am not used to women being like that towards me. Do they always do this and then change their minds really quickly? like wtf.

 

[Happy Phantom]

I'm gonna go with your pheromones weren't compatible with hers so she freaked and ran off.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

It sounds like you missed a come-on, like she may have been interested in making out or more. Really, the detail you provided is suggestive, but hardly conclusive. Either way, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I've never done much traveling, but my understanding of hostels is that they are high-traffic areas for people from various walks of life. You and another random person getting mixed signals does not make you some kind of freak. Don't judge yourself too harshly over it.

 

[Pin]

If you come on too strong you're like a pervert or a rapist or something, plus I just met her so I didn't really know to expect or make of her in general and I am not used to women being like that towards me. Do they always do this and then change their minds really quickly? like wtf.

A mature adult is honest about their romantic intentions; if she doesn't explicitly state that she is interested in you then it is not a worthwhile pursuit. If she's shy or has a psychological complex of some kind then it is not your responsibility, it is her responsibility.

Move on.

 

[Darc]

A mature adult is honest about their romantic intentions; if she doesn't explicitly state that she is interested in you then it is not a worthwhile pursuit. If she's shy or has a psychological complex of some kind then it is not your responsibility, it is her responsibility. Move on.

Okay well like fuck, my twenties has felt a lot like a continuation of highschool and I was wondering if this is a constant thing because I've had lots experiences with women sending mixed intentions and in general, never really that transparent or honest with what they really want.(but how often do you expect to have to decode things like that? I don't expect to encounter hints that much :/

I just realized, the whole "I usually roll better with my mouth" didn't really make sense, because I don't think it's possible at all to roll with your mouth. BUT SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO READ IN GENERAL.

But I had these other weird experiences today. Like, this woman working at the hostel was standing near me and she was looking up and staring at my lips but she wasn't saying anything and it was completely random and out of nowhere. And then this woman was sitting on her steps to her house smoking, and she kept staring at me and I'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN DO THAT TO ME BEFORE, OMFG.I hate always having to be the initiative there, BUT IT CAN BE SO HARD TO READ THEM OMFG.

 

[Littlelissa]

It sounds like you have problems reading people and you think other people have problems reading you. I wonder why that is? Do you think you come across/ give the impression of being more receptive than you actually are?

 

[Pin]

Okay well like fuck, my twenties has felt a lot like a continuation of highschool and I was wondering if this is a constant thing because I've had lots experiences with women sending mixed intentions and in general, never really that transparent or honest with what they really want.(but how often do you expect to have to decode things like that? I don't expect to encounter hints that much :/

I just realized, the whole "I usually roll better with my mouth" didn't really make sense, because I don't think it's possible at all to roll with your mouth. BUT SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO READ IN GENERAL.

But I had these other weird experiences today. Like, this woman working at the hostel was standing near me and she was looking up and staring at my lips but she wasn't saying anything and it was completely random and out of nowhere. And then this woman was sitting on her steps to her house smoking, and she kept staring at me and I'VE NEVER HAD A WOMAN DO THAT TO ME BEFORE, OMFG.I hate always having to be the initiative there, BUT IT CAN BE SO HARD TO READ THEM OMFG.

This nonsense is not worth your valuable time.

If someone doesn't explicitly say that they're attracted to you or wishes to be in a relationship with you, don't pursue them. That's on them.

On the other side, It's also your responsibility to explicitly tell the person that you're attracted to or want to be in a relationship with that you're interested. If you fail to do that, you're being irresponsible.

 

[Happy Phantom]

I guess I feel like I should break this down because you seem to be receiving the "it's not you, it's her" responses when you don't know her at all. Oy.

I was having sort of a long conversation with her, I asked her for a "fag" (as they say Britain) I am not a smoker normally, but sometimes I have the odd one. I don't know why, but I was kind of emotional and upset and I just really wanted one. She decided to come out of her room and roll me one, we were both staying in a hostel.

What is your description of a "long conversation?"

Before that, I passed her in the hall way but she paused and sort of stopped for a few quick second and looked up at me and sort of smiled at me a little. So I waited for her to come back anyway, and ask for a smoke (because I just figured, why not? she seemed friendly enough) after a while of talking to her in the hall, she gave me a really weird looked when I was talking. Like she was looking at my face in a weird way, and my lips i think and she sort of moved her face close to mine but she sort of bulged them out or something. It kind of looked like she was shocked or something. I couldn't read her at all so I couldn't tell if she wanted to make out or anything and she never invited me in her room so I was like "wtf whatever" and just went and smoked outside.

I'm going to give you a statement that was recently (and very wisely) said to me by a family member. "What makes you think this is about you?"

When I got back I knocked on her door and gave her, her lighter back, but she her behavior towards me completely clanged and she seemed sort of angry, and judgemental towards me and I don't get what happened. I could tell at some points though, that she thought how I was acting was weird. I think I smiled in a way that weirded her out, and I think that she probably thought that I was high or on drugs. People seem to think this a lot (I almost think it's because I'm one of the rare people not on them) but I have sort of a natural glow I guess and sometimes I can really happy and enthusiastic but you know, everything's a mental illness these days I guess.

See above reply.

I'm just really "weird"

There are so many ways to define "weird" so in what way(s) do you think you're weird?

I don't know if it's just flat out a genetic thing, but I seem to be completely incompatible mentally, and everything else with most people around me. Like I just don' react, look or think the same way, and am perpetually on different wavelengths. I do not know why this is or what their ancestries are and how they differ from mine but I suppose it's possible.

Your first post suggests to me that you may need help by way of seeing a good therapist if you can find one.

Another thing though, she was obviously from like a really middle class/upper middle class family or something.

This is your issue, not hers.

 

[the]

I have sort of a natural glow...

Are you pregnant?

 

[CindyLou]

Just curious, but what are we supposed to do with the middle class information? That's like adding the information that she was wearing a pair of shorts or had her hair in a ponytail. How does that help us help you determine if she's mad at you for not making out with her?

 

[Stu]

Just curious, but what are we supposed to do with the middle class information? That's like adding the information that she was wearing a pair of shorts or had her hair in a ponytail. How does that help us help you determine if she's mad at you for not making out with her?

just by reading this post only I can definitively state that she is mad at you for being a horses ass.

 

[Darc]

ha ha, I can't say anything without going against the grain of political correctness. I like how thanks to feminism, you cannot sayin anything remotely (I mean anything about women at all) that could be perceived in the least bit as critical.

 

[Darc]

This nonsense is not worth your valuable time.

If someone doesn't explicitly say that they're attracted to you or wishes to be in a relationship with you, don't pursue them. That's on them.

On the other side, It's also your responsibility to explicitly tell the person that you're attracted to or want to be in a relationship with that you're interested. If you fail to do that, you're being irresponsible.

Well the thing is, I was happy and excited because often I am generally met with social scorn and the like and people despise or hate my guts because I am not really very conformist and what have you (amongst other things I could equate but will not, because why bother?) and I hit it off th and was able to have a nice conversation with her, and I just felt this sense of adulation like "oh yay, a new friend" and I just wanted to get to know her more or hang out a bit, but all of a sudden the wall or door came up again and I was just shut out like always. I mean, I am sorry, I'm not good at being a robot. I mean, if a person cannot comprehend or tolerant individuality (on any level) then I just wonder if perhaps I am above them and shouldn't bother.


So I get this sense that, she outright only saw me as a man to either fool around with on a short term basis, and since I failed to pass this test there was no "objective" reasoning for her to pursue or even spend time with me.

I did not know how I felt towards her, and would have only felt comfortable expressing attraction or romantic feelings upon knowing her more, but is that bad?

Honestly, I've never had a problem attracting women physically, but in terms of relationships it just never seems to work at all. It makes me feel hopeless in this sense. I am just at an utter loss for how to please or attract them. My personality is not attractive to women at all I guess.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Idk man it sounds like you're passing off your social awkwardness as other peoples' problem for being "conformist". Assuming she was interested in you, how is it her problem for insinuating that she wanted to roll your fag with her mouth ?

 

[the]

I just wonder if perhaps I am above them

.

Most likely you are below them (at least the women), especially if they don't tolerate you.

 

[Darc]

Well no----she was talking about her family and like a bit, and it was pretty easy to assume or gleam that she was from a very middle or upper middle class family, and I've encountered many people who are and they often sort of have this air and notion of superiority over those who have been less fortunate. Sure, it's not always on purpose, most who are raised and brought up to think like this, only naturally continue on through adulthood thinking the same way.

Anyway, I was thinking more about it, I think it's because she was British, and she had that kind of ingrained notion of class, and I just think like "well, m families really Western, and a lot of my ancestors I am sure hated how oppressive England became" and the whole thing with the Tories and what's been happening now, I mean the particular part of Canada is a lot like that, and what's been going on now reminds me of what I've read in history about what went on their and I am sure a lot of Britain still think and view things that way.

 

[Darc]

Idk man it sounds like you're passing off your social awkwardness as other peoples' problem for being "conformist". Assuming she was interested in you, how is it her problem for insinuating that she wanted to roll your fag with her mouth ?

I know right? cuz like, the magic secret to all social interactions (and being super popular and well liked by everyone and something that I guess too, all celebrities have, even to the point of being narcissistic) is like "confidence" and if you express any self doubts or vulnerability, then you are not "confidant" and thus, that's what your problem is. You are not "confidant")

How do you explain people who on the outset fit the stereotypical notion of "confidence" (whatever that is, what if just by chance it was based on socially defined norms?) but who actually have really low self esteem? there's lots of people who on the outset do not seem that way, and are outgoing, boisterous, but they have a very small and fragile sense of self inside.

But I think a lot of people confuse "confidence" with just being overly assertive and kind of an asshole, and as well "extroversion" etc etc, but see, it's all based on the schism and pike of capitalism. You're either "weak" or "strong" "confident" or "confident" like George Orwell said, it's just a classic case of "Double think" the perfect and sure fire way to control the masses.


Or maybe I'm just kidding? lol, (don't be un-confidant and get mad)

Oh no, he strikes again!

 

[Sloe Djinn]

I know right? cuz like, the magic secret to all social interactions (and being super popular and well liked by everyone and something that I guess too, all celebrities have, even to the point of being narcissistic) is like "confidence" and if you express any self doubts or vulnerability, then you are not "confidant" and thus, that's what your problem is. You are not "confidant")

How do you explain people who on the outset fit the stereotypical notion of "confidence" (whatever that is, what if just by chance it was based on socially defined norms?) but who actually have really low self esteem? there's lots of people who on the outset do not seem that way, and are outgoing, boisterous, but they have a very small and fragile sense of self inside.

But I think a lot of people confuse "confidence" with just being overly assertive and kind of an asshole, and as well "extroversion" etc etc, but see, it's all based on the schism and pike of capitalism. You're either "weak" or "strong" "confident" or "confident" like George Orwell said, it's just a classic case of "Double think" the perfect and sure fire way to control the masses.


Or maybe I'm just kidding? lol, (don't be un-confidant and get mad)

Oh no, he strikes again!

I've gotta confess it got difficult for me to follow when you brought Orwell into it and topped it off with Darkwing. I see people who project a facade of confidence as exactly that, but I wouldn't label this lady a conformist just because you were confused by her approach. Love thyself and there will be less to rationalize about or obsess over with regard to social gaffes.

 

[Darc]

SO like yeah, I just remembered this too, I was talking about how "fag" isn't really used to mean smoking here, and she said "oh well, you have lots of those too, sort of like you know, here's balls and then BALLS" and it's like she wanted me to finish it and say "dick" and she kind of moved and gestured her hands outward in that way.

She totally was getting at that. Oh my god, I am going to have to make a mental note to always be aware of women making sexual innuendo or some shit, like what the fuck.