Thank you for the fair and thorough response
[INFJ] Define the meaning of Boundaries
- Thread starter TheFool
- Start date
I don’t think of INFJs in a negative light. I think one of their hallmark traits or opportunities can lead to problems in relationships
I think it’s okay to talk critically about that but perhaps I’ll reconsider my approach and work on my Fe with subsequent replies
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Deleted member 16771
Hey, man, that sounds wise. I think you have a lot to work out and a lot of valuable insights to share when it comes to INFJs and it would be a shame if that was prevented from happening because we couldn't figure out a way to communicate.
- Sep 28, 2008
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I've heard a lot of stuff you've said that I don't disagree with. I don't dismiss things but it's difficult to express full acknowledgment through a forum. I'm just trying to promote space for INFJs specifically, to learn and grow on their own terms as much as possible. Lord knows nobody else really gives a shit about that kind of thing. It's like one of the big complaints of INFJs, feeling suffocated by others, having to conform etc.
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Deleted member 16771
@ClevelandINTP
Just on the topic of sensitivity, have you ever regarded INFJ sensitivity as something beautiful and precious?
Some fine virtues are mirrored with a dark side, but that doesn't mean they aren't virtues. Courgage can become foolhardiness and assertiveness can become tyranny just as sensitivity can become solipsism.
Have you considered a way to nurture this sensitivity in your partners, and to help them grow it in positive directions? As a partner, you can be a safe place from which their sensitivity can flourish into its best expression. Sure, you'll fuck it up sometimes, but as long as you listen and as long as you reassure, you have a good chance that the damage done by her oversensitivity (that is, the dark side of sensitivity) will be minimised.
Just on the topic of sensitivity, have you ever regarded INFJ sensitivity as something beautiful and precious?
Some fine virtues are mirrored with a dark side, but that doesn't mean they aren't virtues. Courgage can become foolhardiness and assertiveness can become tyranny just as sensitivity can become solipsism.
Have you considered a way to nurture this sensitivity in your partners, and to help them grow it in positive directions? As a partner, you can be a safe place from which their sensitivity can flourish into its best expression. Sure, you'll fuck it up sometimes, but as long as you listen and as long as you reassure, you have a good chance that the damage done by her oversensitivity (that is, the dark side of sensitivity) will be minimised.
I think their sensitivity has positive qualities. INFJs tend to notice and get excited about some details I wouldn’t
I love Ni insights filtered through Fe, especially when they come out of left field, and you’re like wow wtf
(So long as they’re accurate, they can get carried away and be waaaaay off)
I point out and notice this and tell them I appreciate it, so yeah, I think that’s nurturing via affirmation and positive reinforcement
I even tell them I appreciate them speaking up even when they’re wrong because it opens communication and makes them feel safe to do it again
What I’d like from them is consideration from the other perspective and to be more open (less stubborn) with Ni. You could be wrong sometimes, you know. Consider the possibilities
I love Ni insights filtered through Fe, especially when they come out of left field, and you’re like wow wtf
(So long as they’re accurate, they can get carried away and be waaaaay off)
I point out and notice this and tell them I appreciate it, so yeah, I think that’s nurturing via affirmation and positive reinforcement
I even tell them I appreciate them speaking up even when they’re wrong because it opens communication and makes them feel safe to do it again
What I’d like from them is consideration from the other perspective and to be more open (less stubborn) with Ni. You could be wrong sometimes, you know. Consider the possibilities
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Deleted member 16771
Hmm, like I said they're very personally attached to their ideas because of that tertiary Ti, while their openness (including openness to adjustment) comes with their feeling function.
So I'm not sure how you would go about doing that, to be honest.
If you disagree with them too bluntly or make your own point, it can feel to INFJs that they aren't being heard or listened to, so a lot of validation is necessary.
Maybe go with the whole 'what do you think of the idea that...?' approach, to get them to directly engage their own Ti.
Or come at it from your own emotional perspective.
Just don't tell them that they're wrong!
soulareclipse
Community Member
soulareclipse
Community Member
Case in point: my brother is a douche nozzle of an INTP, but they're still my favorite MB type, even above INFJ.
My boyfriend is a douche nozzle of an INTP and he's still my favorite person.
I'm really banking on his sense of humor here to get away with this. Omg I hope I'm not way off.
I'm really banking on his sense of humor here to get away with this. Omg I hope I'm not way off.
Boundaries: shit I am not willing or comfortable with doing. For really any reason. Also deal breakers and invisible lines you and a friend or partner agree on. Such as "no cheating" "no butt play" "no threesomes" "no knives during sex" just throwing a bunch out there. the ideas just to be open and honest with what you want to do not too much you are not willing to do, in a professional or personal relationship.
soulareclipse
Community Member
Ya some men just aren't into pegging I guess.
Lmao the knife thing though... I'm pretty sure I'm the only one into that...
“No knives during sex”
soulareclipse
Community Member
soulareclipse
Community Member
Ayyyy different strokes for different folks...
Don't get me wrong the knife blood one is kinda sexy. But no poopoo stuff. 2 girls 1 cup flashbacks are too strong. Lmao
I appreciate the suggestions
I’m not openly going at them telling them they’re wrong, though
I’m fairly understanding and go out of my way to validate and tell people “you’re right” all of the time (my current ENFP partner points this out to me all the time and loves that I acknowledge when someone is making a point and I literally tell them they’re right)
I appreciate the idea and you’re right that’s a good approach; however, I feel like what’s being said here isn’t getting at the root of what I’m solving for nor is it what actually happens in my INFJ interactions irl
Ironically enough, I ran into the INFJ responsible for it all yesterday organically and face to face
We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Very surreal
Then, instead of avoiding or ignoring it, I walked up, stared into her soul and said what’s up
She seemed scared almost and an indirect, soft INFJ way said I’m with my Australian colleague
So yeah, another awkward pause or two because I’m like are you telling me this as in to continue the conversation or leave you alone
Not being a smart ass but there was not enough context for me to know
I opted to say what’s up to her colleague and just let them walk on by
We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Very surreal
Then, instead of avoiding or ignoring it, I walked up, stared into her soul and said what’s up
She seemed scared almost and an indirect, soft INFJ way said I’m with my Australian colleague
So yeah, another awkward pause or two because I’m like are you telling me this as in to continue the conversation or leave you alone
Not being a smart ass but there was not enough context for me to know
I opted to say what’s up to her colleague and just let them walk on by