[INFJ] - Define the meaning of Boundaries | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Define the meaning of Boundaries

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by TheFool, Mar 7, 2019.

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  1. TheFool

    TheFool Regular Poster

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    What is your version of boundaries?
     
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  2. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

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    Boundaries, borders, frontiers, limites...

    These define the extent to your personal sovereignty, and your autonomy, within which only you are king.

    Nice.

    It's also a fucking terrible analogy which implies that you wish to keep a part of yourself eternally separate from others. Yes, the metaphor serves as a self-preservation mechanism, though it is a jealous and extreme one.

    It is the overreaction of the unsure self and an insecure expression of personal sovereignty.

    This is a metaphor founded on fear and the feeling that others are inherently dangerous. It is the Trumpism of self-ideation.

    With regard to myself, I might prefer to think of the 'self' in terms of a state governed by laws. Others can come into my state, but they must obey the laws and the customs. They can rest completely within my core, and find succour within the bosom of my soul, if they wish. You can be a 'good citizen' of my soul, in those terms, and live out your days knowing me inside and out - there is no part of me where you cannot wander, because you are true to the compact of my laws and you have earned the right. Break the laws, however, and you will be ejected from the inner circles of my 'state'; continue breaking them and you might be completely banished.

    Whether 'boundaries', 'laws' or something else, our choice of metaphorical language imbues our sense of personal sovereignty and autonomy with an essential character derived from its symbolic caché. This is unavoidable, and we would do well to be or to become highly sensitive to such things.

    Great thread idea.
     
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  3. Infjente

    Infjente Community Member

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    For me a personal boundary is a definite line I won't accept being crossed. Meaning it will have consequences that are unnegotiable.

    It can be hard to tell where those lines are before they've been overstepped sometimes. If I told you that you overstepped my boundaries, but nothing really changes? I'd say you were either close, but never crossed the actual line, or I'm in a position where I can't defend my boundaries (but the change will happen as soon as the circumstances/situation allow it).
     
  4. OP
    TheFool

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    I like the King analogy. We should always show respect to other’s boundaries, as if we were visiting a king or a queen. It might sound selfish but none wants people in our homes who show zero respect. The truth is that not everyone is worthy to enter our kingdom. But those who are, are treated accordingly, depending on the character of our inner King or Queen. ☺️
     
  5. OP
    TheFool

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    I have pondered on this one quote long and lately I have started to understand its importance.

    A personal boundary for me is the word “no”. We tend carry lots of mental chatter. Things that we tell ourselves we ought to do, people we ought to take in consideration, harmony that needs to be preserved. Most of those thoughts are like uninveted guests who we let in because of our inability to say no. This is because we might not truly believe that we have the authority over our kingdom.

    I don’t see it negatively to be selective. I set boundaries to avoid energy draining responsibilities. I used to live as a servant in my own kingdom and tried to please all the guest that came to visit me. Now I keep the gates closed and let in only those thoughts that are worth it. The other thing is that I do not hide behind the walls all the time. When I have the energy, I will leave my kingdom and interact with that which I held outside the walls. I do not have to deal with everything within my kingdom. I have the walls for my own well-being. Once I have recharged, I choose to exit the kingdom and deal with what ever needs to be dealt with. But I always carry my armor with me. You need to. That is the crucial part of being able to preserve your authority and authenticity.

    TL; Meditate on Tarot card The Chariot. ☺️
     
  6. Infjente

    Infjente Community Member

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    You can't really know where the boundaries of others are if they're not communicated. And probably why overstepping boundaries are such a sensitive thing? It's partly a betrayel of the self, that let it happen. And the harsh reaction is partly a projection?
     
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  7. Infjente

    Infjente Community Member

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    I mean it's a fundamental difference in my reaction when someone oversteps a communicated boundary vs a non-communicated boundary.
     
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  8. ThomasJ79

    ThomasJ79 Pondering

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  9. OP
    TheFool

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    Absolutely! Thing tend to become sensitive if we let in someone who does not understand our sensitivity. But I have learned that there is no virtue being overly sensitive. It can become a boundary itself, pulling us back to feel safe instead of inviting guests or take on an adventure. ☺️
     
  10. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
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  11. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Community Member

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    Boundaries are things people like to act like they won’t tolerate but just end up being used as an easy way to start an argument when you’re not getting enough attention
     
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  12. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Community Member

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    Yeah, my learning with INFJs recently has been they have a lot of boundaries

    I end up resenting that because I’m more free-spirited so then I think they’re asking more from the relationship than I am

    I then can’t think of things to be boundaries because I’m reasonable and flexible

    I come to resent the INFJ for being sensitive and creating perceived imbalance

    Then go date ENFPs and INTJs to balance stuff out
     
  13. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

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    Edgy.
     
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  14. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Community Member

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    Thank you
     
  15. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Community Member

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    Boundaries are things you hold your breadth and tolerate until you can get what you want
     
  16. Wyote

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  17. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
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  18. soulareclipse

    soulareclipse Community Member

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    Boundaries are:
    There to show others how we expect to be treated.
    Saying no without guilt or shame.
    Taking care of yourself first.
    Owning your shit.
    Letting others own their shit.
    Not allowing others to undermine our self-worth.
    Walking away from harmful/toxic/abusive situations and people.
    Being aware of and honoring your own feelings, and allowing yourself to feel differently than others.
    Not trying to change/fix/heal/save/rescue others from difficult situations or feelings.
    Allowing others to make their own decisions.
    Sharing personal information gradually based on how well you know and trust someone.
    Honestly communicating your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
    Having personal space and privacy.

    It’s impossible to list them all, but those are a few.
     
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  19. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Community Member

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    Eek
     
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  20. soulareclipse

    soulareclipse Community Member

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    Those who take issue with our boundaries are the ones who need them the most.
     
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