Dealing with rude people | INFJ Forum

Dealing with rude people

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Mar 26, 2009
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I'm supposed to be able to register for classes online today, but the system was not allowing me to, so I called my college's registration office for help. After being referred to a few different people, they finally put me with someone in my department. I said hi and began to explain the problem to the woman, but she interrupted me and said hatefully, "WAIT, first of all, what do you need and what is your name?" So I started to answer her in that order, but she interrupted again and said, "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" The conversation lasted maybe two minutes. The whole time, she gave off this "you're a waste of my time" vibe.

I'm 99% sure this is the professor that I've heard horror stories about. I have a class with her next semester, but I was going to refrain from making any judgments on her until I took her class myself.

Now I'm dreading the class even more than before because I have a really hard time with people like that. People like this make me wish I weren't NF because I hate not being able to retaliate when people treat me disrespectfully. Even if I managed to, I'd feel guilty later. Like everyone else, I will eventually reach the limit of my patience, but my fuse is very long, so I always end up taking a lot of abuse. I'm sure there are some NFs out there who have overcome this problem, so I'm wondering how you deal with it. Do you ever retaliate, even if it's in a tactful way? And how do you avoid regretting it later?
 
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go to class

as a fellow infj i would say go to your class anyway. if she wants to treat you like rubbith thats fine, because we know at the end of the day that we are the better person. chances are she is like this with everyone, though shel proberly pick some agrovating extrovert as her pet. had a teacher like that when i was 12-13, really horrible, just shouting at me because i was an easy target realy. one day i got so futrated (you know how it is) i wrote F**K on my test paper, got in a whole heap of bother but still pleased i did it. still no-one understands how it feels. i say go to class. don't stress because you have a right to be there, don't lets some horrible cow stop you doing what you want to do. (easyer said than done, i know)
 
youngster said:
as a fellow infj i would say go to your class anyway. if she wants to treat you like rubbith thats fine, because we know at the end of the day that we are the better person. chances are she is like this with everyone, though shel proberly pick some agrovating extrovert as her pet. had a teacher like that when i was 12-13, really horrible, just shouting at me because i was an easy target realy. one day i got so futrated (you know how it is) i wrote F**K on my test paper, got in a whole heap of bother but still pleased i did it. still no-one understands how it feels. i say go to class. don't stress because you have a right to be there, don't lets some horrible cow stop you doing what you want to do. (easyer said than done, i know)
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I'm still taking the class because it's a requirement (luckily, none of her other classes are required!). Yeah, I hear she's like this with everyone, and the way I confirmed it was her was by talking to a friend of mine that was in her class last semester. According to him, she's like that every day.

chances are she is like this with everyone, though shel proberly pick some agrovating extrovert as her pet.

Probably. And I had been hoping that I'd be her pet, because for some reason that tends to be the case with teachers that everyone warns me about. :p

one day i got so futrated (you know how it is) i wrote F**K on my test paper, got in a whole heap of bother but still pleased i did it.

Good for you! LOL. It's really unfortunate that nice people are just easy targets for jerks like that.
 
well until you get to class you cant be sure its her until you witness her attitude etc face to face,hopefully its not as ive had lecturers like this and ended up skipping the lectures for the sake of anger managing!If she is as bad as her reputation then thats a horrible waste of a lecturing post as her job is to help ye learn not deter ye!if shes exceptionally mean try to be exceptionally nice to her it really pisses mean people off when they have nothing to be bitchy to you about.
If youre looking forward to the class dont let her put you off have a look at some of the books before you attend so that you have some knowledge of something she might question you on and dont let her show you up...shes only one person in a huge subject and she has no right to be all pompus and off putting!good luck :)
 
If youre looking forward to the class dont let her put you off have a look at some of the books before you attend so that you have some knowledge of something she might question you on and dont let her show you up

That's the positive side--I know people who've already had this class, so they can warn me about what and what not to do.
 
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At the very least you can try to be noble in the situation. Good people are kind and patient with polite people. Great people are kind and patient with rude people.
 
I let people push my buttons way further then I should. Nevertheless, there comes a point where I will completly cut loose and explain exactly how I feel. The times I have done this in the past, they were speechless, and worked to great effect.

Put up with for a while, be nice and friendly. However, you will realise at some point that there is this "opertunity" to just talk back and express it all. It works for me, and it is liberating.
 
Well, being INTJ I have less problem with rude people. If they really piss me off (and rude people do because there is no excuse for rudeness!) I can be extremely outspoken and I'll just give them a taste of their own medicine.

That said I don't like getting into conflicts with people because I am normally tolerant and only attack people I think really deserve it. But even then I sometimes wonder myself whether I should have been so blunt so this is my solution.

- Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People book and use the advice he gives to deal with rude people. That means you can be effectively assertive with people in a diplomatic way without having to be some sort of bully and give up your nice values.

- Take some time to find out what is important to this lecturer. Most people aren't so horrible to those people they think are taking an interest in them.

I used to have a boss that bullied everyone and we just assumed it was because he was a confidently horrible person. Then one day I got talking to him and I found out he was actually really nervous and didn't think he could do his job very well and that was why he bullied others. After I found that out we got on really well because I helped him with projects where I had the skills he thought he didn't. So understanding people goes a long way.

One thing I thought of reading your story was that perhaps that person was really stressed out with people trying to register at the last minute or something and that was the real reason they were rude? So nothing personal. Anyway good luck. :)
 
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