Dealing with Conflict

[Serafina]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum, and wondering how you feel about INFJs and the way they deal with conflict?

Basically, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm an INFJ who is happily married to an INTJ, but it's his mom that's the problem. I have no clue what her type is, definitely an F, but other than that, I fear she may be so personality disordered as to never know for sure. Over many years, I have tried and tried again with her. I just want harmony in my life. We've been estranged from her for almost 2 years now, and I guess I should be happy not to have her in my life, but every fiber in my being just wants to fix this. I worry about my husband, and what will happen to him down the road should she die? I feel like it's up to me to make this work, and I should just reach out to her and keep trying. My husband feels she is just too irrational, and that it's pointless. On the one hand, I don't want to be a martyr or a doormat for her. At the same time, I feel like I can have no peace until this is resolved.

Any advice?

 

[IndigoSensor]

Welcome Aboard!

Honestly, I think you husband is right. Someone like her isn't worth the effort to try and heal things with. If she comes to YOU that is different. I know it is painful to sit back and do nothing when you so want to fix it. You need to ask yourself, is it really worth it?

 

[laurie]

If your husband not concerned about you two getting along, should you be? I mean, things usually aren't perfect in families in general. It's good that you're wanting to fix this, but if you've tried already for a long time then there may not be much point. It is upsetting if you don't get on with people but fighting happens sadly Hopefully it'll work out though. Good luck!

 

[alcyone]

I'm in this same situation.

Except the offending (offensive?) party is my father-in-law.

But I can tell you this. You know what the right road is. But, you can't force your husband to walk it. I totally understand you not wanting to deal with her irrationality, personailty disorders etc...but at the same time try to maintain a normal familial relationship.

Truth is, if she's that bad, try and get your spouse to do that absolute minimum. Calling on holidays and birthdays etc, sending pictures, christmas cards....

As far as visiting, go to her and stay anywhere except under her roof (that way you can leave when you've had enough), or if you're in the same area only visit when you have another obligation that you must attend, school, dr. appointment, etc. This sets a time limit on your exposure and you have an acceptable excuse to leave.

I don't know all your details, and I am not prying. But there are ways to deal with difficult people and minimize the stress you suffer from them.

Good Luck!