Create a mock dating profile (for fun)

[James]

There's no sense in dwelling in the past James. I've got my mind set on 2020.

I only have this advice, hire @Asa to run the campaign.. don't let the "commune incident" get in the way this time.. this is bigger, this is about Amerikea..

(breaks down in tears) don't tell @Jet she will make me wear the pinafore again.. If @ruji reads this he will be 'triggered' and tell @dang or worse @atree

as long as @Scientia or @Anywhere But Here dont find out we will be ok.

 

[Sriracha]

Name: Nunya Bidness

Some things about yourself: (See unusual quirks)

Unusual quirks or habits: Being alone, talking to myself, talking to dead people, laughing at inappropriate times, putting my foot in my mouth around people I don't know, enjoying awkward moments. I usually make people laugh when I'm not trying to be funny.

Occupation/Career: Studying to keep my mouth shut during certain circumstances.

Goals/Dreams: Patent hot-feet-sheets ... so my feet can hang outside the bed coverings, while the bedding is still neatly tucked.

Likes/Dislikes: Like: Wine, Top Gear BBC, Westworld, American Pickers. Dislike: Gross bugs, wet stray hair on my hands in the shower ... or when it's sliding down my body, or getting stuck in my butt crack, or stuck on my feet.

Other stuff: Age levels out the playing field ... and I can probably kick your ass. *sings "anything you can do, I can do better"*


(Damn I sound like quite the catch)

 

[Sriracha]

Hi all, I'm Milky B.

I'll look past your voice when you're talking. I'll block out the sound to my ear. I carry my weight when I'm walking. And wonder what I'm doing here. I'll pick up the change that you leave on the floor and whistle when nobody's near. I'll put on my shoes and walk out the door, use your money to buy some more beer. If that sounds great and you're down to f*ck, keep reading.

I have a section of my shower wall dedicated to belly button lint.

I ran for president in 2016 and lost bad. It's ok because I have no pride to hurt and no shame so I have no idea when I'm making a fool of myself. That said, I will continue to do and say things that I may or may not regret at a later date. Milky B for Pres. 2020 (Try a hot coneydog.)

I achieve my goals in my dreams.

I like humans. I dislike a lot of humans behavior.

Let's get it on.

Who knew you were actually Hillary.

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Who knew you were actually Hillary.

Shit.

 

[Littlelissa]

Extremely insecure person. I will project all of my insecurities onto you and create endless rifts and complications in our relationship. I do this to bat you off but to keep you hooked at the same time. You'll be so busy trying to fix things and to figure what is going on, you will never feel comfortable or secure in the relationship. As a consequence we will never really get to know each or develop true intimacy with one-another.

To protect my fragile ego I will constantly tell you how insecure you are. After a while you will be a complete wreck but will be too mentally fragmented to leave. Give it a few years and you will develop a serious health condition such as a heart condition or Cancer. You will be able to tell who I am because I will say one thing and do something else. That is the only thing about me that you can count on, apart from my mean nature. Game?

If only these types announced themselves as such!

 

[the]

My dating sites are written as parody, typically. Not as funny as it used to be, but heres my OKCupid:

I have a body built for comfort, not for performance. I have good hygiene and am pleasant to be around. I have a job and a car!
I go to work and try to climb the corporate ladder. I come home hungry and I probably stink. I take a nap on the couch while watching TV.

Do I sound like your ideal man yet?
I'm surprisingly good at scratch-off tickets, but not good enough that I do not have to buy them anymore. I tend to win raffles as well.

I'm pretty good at putting together a nice outfit and if I need to I can be sociable at an event. Sometimes I'm funny and I usually have an interesting story.
I imagine people notice I have great hair and a beard; that I look smart because I'm wearing glasses.
Charmed and Angel are my two reliable shows to watch. I also really like Roseanne. The Office and South Park are comfort shows.

I like self improvement books and books about career development. I also like to read about class systems and class preferences.

Lately I have been listening to David Bowie, Britney Spears, The Killers, and audio books.
Good friends and coffee
D&D figures to paint
Artistic expression
My glasses!
Off the grid living (impossible but interesting to think about)
Sweets!
How raw cookie dough fits into a raw food diet.

Do black shoes go with a navy pant? NO!

How I can make my Instagram more interesting.
Looking for turtles in the road so I can move them to safety.
I've never gone up against a Sicilian when death was on the line.

I'm not a morning person but I do prefer to wake up at 5am and go to bed early.
If you want to play d&d or pathfinder lets get a game going.

If you are buying a winning lotto ticket today, DEFINITELY message me.

 

[Jet]

My dating sites are written as parody, typically. Not as funny as it used to be, but heres my OKCupid:

I have a body built for comfort, not for performance. I have good hygiene and am pleasant to be around. I have a job and a car!
I go to work and try to climb the corporate ladder. I come home hungry and I probably stink. I take a nap on the couch while watching TV.

Do I sound like your ideal man yet?
I'm surprisingly good at scratch-off tickets, but not good enough that I do not have to buy them anymore. I tend to win raffles as well.

I'm pretty good at putting together a nice outfit and if I need to I can be sociable at an event. Sometimes I'm funny and I usually have an interesting story.
I imagine people notice I have great hair and a beard; that I look smart because I'm wearing glasses.
Charmed and Angel are my two reliable shows to watch. I also really like Roseanne. The Office and South Park are comfort shows.

I like self improvement books and books about career development. I also like to read about class systems and class preferences.

Lately I have been listening to David Bowie, Britney Spears, The Killers, and audio books.
Good friends and coffee
D&D figures to paint
Artistic expression
My glasses!
Off the grid living (impossible but interesting to think about)
Sweets!
How raw cookie dough fits into a raw food diet.

Do black shoes go with a navy pant? NO!

How I can make my Instagram more interesting.
Looking for turtles in the road so I can move them to safety.
I've never gone up against a Sicilian when death was on the line.

I'm not a morning person but I do prefer to wake up at 5am and go to bed early.
If you want to play d&d or pathfinder lets get a game going.

If you are buying a winning lotto ticket today, DEFINITELY message me.

Awwww.... I love it I would have totally been unable to not message a response simply because of the raw cookie dough comment! But why do you link to some random kid's instagram?

 

[the]

Awwww.... I love it I would have totally been unable to not message a response simply because of the raw cookie dough comment! But why do you link to some random kid's instagram?

Good question, no idea.

 

[invisible]

Enjoys cup-o-noodles, videogame-lit bottles of white wine, and solitary walks to the bathroom.

 

[Pin]

Name: Richard Brown

Some things about yourself: I'm the coolest guy in town. I wear a leisure suit, drive my beamer fast, my teeth are shiny, and I tell all the ladies to kiss my heiney.

Unusual quirks or habits: Every opportunity I've ever recieved has been given to me or paid for by my dad.

Occupation/Career: I am a business majoring college dude-bro with a minor in finance.

Goals/Dreams: I want to work on Wall Street as an Investment Banker, Hedge Fund Manager, or as a Stockbroker. Maybe Goldman Sachs.

Likes: Being the recipient of nepotism. I watch: Entourage, Suits, and Wall Street.

Dislikes: Left-wing politics.

Other stuff: My role-models are Jordan Belfort, Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Michael Milken.

 

[Will]

Name: Jack "Caliente" Castle

Some things about yourself: I own 3 dogs: Golden Retriever, German Shepherd, and Dalmatian.

Unusual quirks or habits: Singing in the car while getting stared at by other drivers. I have a naturally tendency to trip, then walk it off casually.

Occupation/Career: I run a few small businesses from a coffee shop near a lake that has an outdoors and rustic theme, another is a special bakery catering to pets like dogs, cats, and other small critters, and a multi-million dollar clothing brand (ok I guess this one isn't so small).

Goals/Dreams: Travel to space. Mainly to leave foot prints on another planet and experience zero gravity. Other ambitions are to write and direct my own film or TV series.

Likes: Coffee, things that bark or purr, being in nature, cardigans, dark chocolate, and that feeling when I take out my contact lenses at the end of the day.

Dislikes: Stepping on Legos, socks and sandals.

Other stuff: I met the Loch Ness monster before. She was not a monster. Just liked to play hide and seek a lot.

 

[G4RiiM]

Name: Joe Grimm Reaper

Some things about yourself: Looking for a partner to share the burdens of justice.

Unusual quirks or habits: Sometimes wears color. Wears pants.

Occupation/Career: Criminal profiler

Goals/Dreams: Do what I'm born to do.

Likes/Dislikes:
Likes: Moonlight
Dislikes: When the sun reflects of my scythe and the glare hits my eyes.