Confusion

[SIAMK9227]

I had a classmate who I once saw crying, and I felt very sorry for her. Later, I searched a lot to find out what happened and messaged her. Then I learned that she already had a boyfriend. I always thought of her like a sister, but as we kept talking, at some point she started liking me. I rejected her because I didn’t have any feelings for her. But despite that, a kind of relationship developed between us. I became addicted to her body, though we were just friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. We used to argue, and either she would leave or I would. This kept happening.

Later, at some point, there was another girl in my class who used to look at me. I really liked her a lot. I had deep feelings of love for her. I messaged her to let her know that this would be my first and last message to her and how I felt about her — how I see people, about betrayal, bullying, trauma, love, etc. But she didn’t reply. Later, I found out she was in a relationship. That hurt me a lot.

After that, even though I didn’t want to, I ended up marrying my friend. She had actually broken up with her boyfriend because of me. I loved her body but not her as a person, while I still loved that other girl. This confusion grew in my mind: Do I truly love that girl, or do I just love my friend’s body?

I’ve always been childish since I was young. I had many friends, but I kept searching for someone who could understand the deepest points of my feelings — someone who could rescue me from the depths of my emotions. Then I gave up, thinking it was impossible.

I married her because I didn’t want to hurt her, and because I felt I loved her, or at least that I had a responsibility to protect and care for her if she loved me.

Now, I don’t know what to do with my life. I can’t figure anything out, and no one understands me. I was searching for answers to all my questions and found ChatGPT, through which I discovered my personality type is INFJ-T 4w5.

What should I do? Do you have any life advice for me? I’m only 19.

 

[Wyote]

I had a lot of similar confusion at your age.
You have your whole life ahead of you and your brain is still developing in a lot of ways.
Give yourself the time and space to slow down and ensure more clarity of thought and actions bolstered by logic just as much as feelings.
It's a long road, we all make mistakes but if you are learning from them then you are doing just fine.

 

[Quarkmaster]

What should I do? Do you have any life advice for me? I’m only 19.

The most important thing to do is never take advice from anyone. We are all blind, leading the blind, and anyone who claims to be wiser than anyone else is more a fool than anyone doing the asking.

However, DO get information. Learn. Make your own decisions based on the information you're able to acquire. In the end, take your own advice.

I married when I was 19. It was a mistake, but not something I could have predicted or foreseen. I stayed married for 17 years, but the reason for the marriage never arose for many years even after my marriage had ended, and only then did I see the false motivations of my ex-wife. She never loved me and that showed the moment her daughter (my stepdaughter) walked out the front door in a fury. Mommy followed her straight out that door.

That was when I learned my place in that marriage. My sole purpose was to stay around long enough to raise her daughter, and make sure she survived. She never gave me children. I was just a means for my ex-wife to follow her own genetic instructions. She didn't care about mine. She left me, having never given me children.

It might behove you to find out her (your wife's) personality type, and examine your compatibility level. If she's an INTP, then she's ideal for you. If she's another F-type, then not so much. Almost any T-type will probably be just fine.

You're not responsible for other peoples' feelings (or hurting the feelings). People will decide for themselves how they feel about things and for you to react to every single person in the world who's having a bad day will make your own life miserable.

And then you say you married her so as not to hurt her feelings? How silly does that sound.

Sex is a great thing in marriages. I think it keeps most marriages together - especially if it's great sex. Some people might consider it foolish to let something like that slip away. I know women with whom I got along with fabulously, and then when we got into bed, it all crashed. In fact, one night in bed and I know whether it's over or the relationship can continue, even if I'm totally attracted to her.

In the end, we are animals, biological creatures with a tendancy to attach too much mysticism and magic to the world. Our DNA is in charge and our sole purpose in life is to do what it says. Which is to be born, survive to adulthood, have sex with our opposites, make babies and help them survive until they're old enough to have sex and make babies (which, 200 years ago, and in some countries today, is the age of 13).

Now those are just the cold, hard facts of life, but if you want to burn something more magical into it, feel free to complicate your life, sometimes to the point of making yourself miserable and lonely.

But a LOT of Introverted iNtuitive types are really lonely people, primarily because of our difficulty in socialization. INTPs especially have a hard time with relationships - moreso than any other type - including INFJs.

But they say in songs that "bad love is better than no love at all." You can run out of this marriage and end up being alone the rest of your life. Another woman is not waiting around the corner. So many people look around and see the grass is greener on the other side. Then they get to the other side and find themselves in a mudpit.

Who was it who said, "Don't worry - be happy." Bob Marley? Life is really a lot simpler than people make it out to be.

 

[SIAMK9227]

I love her, and I know she’s in a relationship with another guy. So I manipulated the conversation with her teacher, and now I look like the bad person in everyone’s eyes. Everyone hates me because I rejected her. First of all, only God knows how deeply I truly love her. I want her to be happy, so I accepted becoming the villain in her eyes and in everyone else’s eyes by rejecting her.
Secondly, I got married. I don’t know if I really love my wife or not. Whether she loves me or not, whether there are feelings or not, I still feel responsible for her because I touched her body. I don’t want her to get hurt. I want to keep her happy.
But she loves me, and I don’t want to make her sad. I want to see her smiling for the rest of her life.
But what I truly wanted was someone who could call out to me for my inner peace—someone who could understand how deep I really am, someone who could make me laugh, remove my darkness, enlighten me, and be my friend. Neither the person I married nor my crush is like that.
I never wanted to get married. I just wanted a friend who understands me. I felt sad for her and didn’t want her to get hurt in life, so I married her out of responsibility and want to fulfill that responsibility. But can I really be happy like this for the rest of my life? Will I have to suffer with this emptiness inside me forever?
I want someone whom I love and who also loves me—someone who understands me the most, and whom I also understand the most. But I think that’s impossible.
I wanted someone who seems to shine like the moon and light up the night, someone who could lift me from the deepest point of the ocean and fill my heart with peace.should I continue fake smile ?