And any-non-INFJ's of course. No need to discriminate.
Brace for text-wall.
I've gotten myself into quite an interesting situation regarding matters of the heart. It turns out I'm great and giving advice to others, while sucking at following my own words.
I had the same, exclusive, girlfriend for nearly 4 years. Things were good and only had minor issues crop up from time to time. Usually her being emotional and me trying to logic it away. About 6 months ago, I started to grow discontent without a real reason for it. I was getting angry and stressed and feeling all manner of negative emotions with little or no provocation. In hindsight, I was feeling trapped by old systems of thought and socialization that were no longer adequate. I had changed internally, but the outside world and my interactions with it hadn't caught up yet. One of the things I realized was that I wasn't as happy as I thought I was with the girlfriend. There were a collection of small traits on both sides that served to irritate, but none big enough that I would have noticed them before. The combined effect of them, as well as my general desire for freedom from old settings, served to leave me quite dissatisfied. I explained the situation to her, and she rather begrudgingly accepted that some time apart was in order. She was still quite wanting to continue our "perfect" relationship (INFP's, what can you do with them? ;P ) and kept close tabs on me. It really didn't look like much had changed except our title.
Cue "the other girl", a mutual friend of ours. Apparently had a number of qualities that drew me rather strongly to her, once I was looking for such a thing. She had a certain independent spirit and a warm, almost maternal, feel to her (ISFJ). I quickly found myself with reciprocated emotional attachments (as I still wasn't over girl #1, just wanted some time to get my bearings and see if she had what I actually wanted, not what I thought I wanted) with two girls.
Cue girl #2 abruptly having to move a couple of states away. One of my long standing rules is "I don't do distance." I feel that you can have emotional connections at a distance, but that cannot be a "relationship." You need to be able to touch a person to have the full impact of a romantic relationship. So now there is #1, who I have distanced from for my own sake but is still actively pursuing me and has the advantage of "comfort" (after that much time together, you know how to get responses from the other), and #2 who has admirable qualities, but I'm not driven "crazy" over. She is definitely more mature about things and has more lasting potential (as things are, in my opinion) than #1, but is also far away.
Cue my situation changing, and my decision to join the US Air Force. I'm going to be far away from everyone soon enough. That whole thing is complicated enough. But then, just as I was starting to feel lost in a complex maze of emotional strings...
Cue the local, unexpected, and totally infatuating girl #3. Have known her for some time, but never really got close. Part of a different social group that doesn't really mesh well with my own usual circle of friends. Started talking to her a little online, and then met up for coffee as a result of a joke (She was asking for astrology advice and I jokingly added "and the ever so rare 'Doug' sign") Quickly grew close. Really quickly. As in, over a this last week. The other night, we were at a bar with some friends, got a little (a lot) drunk and ended up spending a good portion of the wee morning hours making out. Upon talking about it, she said she was ok with it, but asked me to promise her "Don't like me." She apparently has a history of hurting people that get too attached to her. She claimed that she wanted a friend who isn't afraid to make out from time to time, and was sick of that leading to the guy getting clingy (She's an ESFJ Leo). I agreed that "I won't let it show, if it does happen" on the condition that if she somehow does end up getting attached, she has to say something. Agreement was reached.
She isn't gonna hold out. I can tell from the way she responds to and the way that she looks at me. She's likely already realizing it but is stubbornly holding onto the idea that she can act without emotional attachment (unless I'm totally reading her wrong, which is possible). It's here that I stop and have to think about things, and come to you seeking advice. This third one seems to have a more powerful effect on me than either of the others, though I can't rule out an intense short term infatuation that doesn't have a lot of substance. There hasn't been enough time for a proper evaluation of my emotional situation. At the same time, my situation with the other 2 is just as complicated and entrapping. My disgust with the whole thing is also reaching new highs, and with my likely only having a few more months before I've lost the necessary weight and am shipping off for basic, I feel that the old systems are really going to have to go away.
And so here I am, the thread is open for questions and discussion and commentary and advice. I'll be around.
Brace for text-wall.
I've gotten myself into quite an interesting situation regarding matters of the heart. It turns out I'm great and giving advice to others, while sucking at following my own words.
I had the same, exclusive, girlfriend for nearly 4 years. Things were good and only had minor issues crop up from time to time. Usually her being emotional and me trying to logic it away. About 6 months ago, I started to grow discontent without a real reason for it. I was getting angry and stressed and feeling all manner of negative emotions with little or no provocation. In hindsight, I was feeling trapped by old systems of thought and socialization that were no longer adequate. I had changed internally, but the outside world and my interactions with it hadn't caught up yet. One of the things I realized was that I wasn't as happy as I thought I was with the girlfriend. There were a collection of small traits on both sides that served to irritate, but none big enough that I would have noticed them before. The combined effect of them, as well as my general desire for freedom from old settings, served to leave me quite dissatisfied. I explained the situation to her, and she rather begrudgingly accepted that some time apart was in order. She was still quite wanting to continue our "perfect" relationship (INFP's, what can you do with them? ;P ) and kept close tabs on me. It really didn't look like much had changed except our title.
Cue "the other girl", a mutual friend of ours. Apparently had a number of qualities that drew me rather strongly to her, once I was looking for such a thing. She had a certain independent spirit and a warm, almost maternal, feel to her (ISFJ). I quickly found myself with reciprocated emotional attachments (as I still wasn't over girl #1, just wanted some time to get my bearings and see if she had what I actually wanted, not what I thought I wanted) with two girls.
Cue girl #2 abruptly having to move a couple of states away. One of my long standing rules is "I don't do distance." I feel that you can have emotional connections at a distance, but that cannot be a "relationship." You need to be able to touch a person to have the full impact of a romantic relationship. So now there is #1, who I have distanced from for my own sake but is still actively pursuing me and has the advantage of "comfort" (after that much time together, you know how to get responses from the other), and #2 who has admirable qualities, but I'm not driven "crazy" over. She is definitely more mature about things and has more lasting potential (as things are, in my opinion) than #1, but is also far away.
Cue my situation changing, and my decision to join the US Air Force. I'm going to be far away from everyone soon enough. That whole thing is complicated enough. But then, just as I was starting to feel lost in a complex maze of emotional strings...
Cue the local, unexpected, and totally infatuating girl #3. Have known her for some time, but never really got close. Part of a different social group that doesn't really mesh well with my own usual circle of friends. Started talking to her a little online, and then met up for coffee as a result of a joke (She was asking for astrology advice and I jokingly added "and the ever so rare 'Doug' sign") Quickly grew close. Really quickly. As in, over a this last week. The other night, we were at a bar with some friends, got a little (a lot) drunk and ended up spending a good portion of the wee morning hours making out. Upon talking about it, she said she was ok with it, but asked me to promise her "Don't like me." She apparently has a history of hurting people that get too attached to her. She claimed that she wanted a friend who isn't afraid to make out from time to time, and was sick of that leading to the guy getting clingy (She's an ESFJ Leo). I agreed that "I won't let it show, if it does happen" on the condition that if she somehow does end up getting attached, she has to say something. Agreement was reached.
She isn't gonna hold out. I can tell from the way she responds to and the way that she looks at me. She's likely already realizing it but is stubbornly holding onto the idea that she can act without emotional attachment (unless I'm totally reading her wrong, which is possible). It's here that I stop and have to think about things, and come to you seeking advice. This third one seems to have a more powerful effect on me than either of the others, though I can't rule out an intense short term infatuation that doesn't have a lot of substance. There hasn't been enough time for a proper evaluation of my emotional situation. At the same time, my situation with the other 2 is just as complicated and entrapping. My disgust with the whole thing is also reaching new highs, and with my likely only having a few more months before I've lost the necessary weight and am shipping off for basic, I feel that the old systems are really going to have to go away.
And so here I am, the thread is open for questions and discussion and commentary and advice. I'll be around.