COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY: Style? Direct vs Informing | INFJ Forum

COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY: Style? Direct vs Informing

Discussion in 'Psychology Tests' started by Sandie33, Aug 7, 2017.

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  1. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    How do you send your Message?
    Amongst many other details when it comes to relationships, [whether working or intimate], and communication, it’s useful to be aware of the difference between two basic ways to express a wish or a request:

    directing and informing

    Directing style expresses a wish, a request or a demand directly: “Shut the window”, or more gently: “Shut the window, please”, “Would you mind shutting the window?”, or even, “Maybe you could shut the window?” Regardless of all the added courtesies and mollification, the request is still clear and unambiguous.

    Informing style is descriptive and indirect; it gives information in which a suggestion or a wish is implied as a possibility, for example: “It’s too noisy in here with the window open!” Informing people prefer to motivate than to express expectations.

    Needless to say, the difference between these two communication styles can often cause misunderstanding and frustration. An “informant” might ask, “Would you like an ice-cream?” when it’s actually they who would like an ice-cream. “Directing” people might not understand the embedded wish, so if they say, “No”, the possibility of compromise might be lost. “Informing” people then might hear “No” as a refusal of their own wish, rather than a statement of personal preference by a “directing” person.

    People who use directing style might simply not notice when a request is expressed in an informing way, which might make the other person feel ignored or dismissed. If they do recognize the embedded request, “directing” people might perceive it as manipulative, passive-aggressive or even victimy. They prefer to have clarity: first, is it a request? Second: what kind of request it is? Third, how important it is? They can find informing style way too … uninformative.

    “Informing” people, on the other hand, might perceive directing style as bossy, especially if used without “please” or “would you”. They might feel that such a style gives more importance to a request than to people, which is what they wish to avoid. This is not how “directing” people perceive it; for them, it’s all about clarity.

    For the rest...
    https://www.mentor-coach.eu/blog/?p=161

    Here is a link to 'test' your communication style...yes its a link to an INFJ forum thread with the link to the quiz in it. (Among other pertinent info ;) )
    http://communication-styles.com/

    https://www.infjs.com/threads/communication-style-quiz.21614/

    Now that you have taken the quiz, what important points can be shared about how you communicate?

    Do you think you communicate effectively?

    Do you think you may appear 'bossy' or 'weak-willed' to others?

    What tips can you offer others to assist them with effective communication to utilize these skills their own lives?

     
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  2. OP
    Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    "DOER"
    As a DOER others perceive you as a very active, independent, self-confident and results oriented kind of person. Generally you feel this same way about yourself, but on occasion have some internal doubts. As an extension of this, you may appear to be bossy at times or even disregard other people’s feelings when it interferes with getting things done.

    How You Communicate
    • Your focus is on getting things done.
    • You are typically calm and collected, but also matter of fact.
    • You are usually reserved and don’t bother to get involved in the work of others, but you will speak up if an idea is illogical.
    Your Strengths
    • You are very goal oriented and will work through obstacles to obtain important goals.
    • You recognize and deal with problems, but don't focus on them.
    • You aren't overly influenced by what others think. You will set your own course and follow it.
    Your Challenges
    • You are probably more interested in talking than in listening and might miss important details because of it.
    • You may inadvertently hurt feelings or appear cold and uncaring even when you're not.
    • Many times you don't take the time to build relationships even when they would help you to complete your task.
     
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  3. Wyote

    Wyote ○●○
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    Never been a fan of informing, but I try to take a soft approach to directing and use informing in some circumstances. Good info on blind spots. I used to use informing a lot more when I was younger but would always lean toward directing once comfortable. Directing feels more natural to me but I feel bad when it's interpreted negatively.
     
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  4. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    Your Preliminary Communication Style Is

    INVESTIGATOR

    As an INVESTIGATOR, your primary interest when communicating is finding answers.

    Your style has natural tendencies - and these tendencies can be either a strength or weakness depending on how and when they are used.

    Couldn't pay for the report so I posted the style.
     
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  5. OP
    Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    Agreed. A balance of the two is important I believe.

    I have a habit of being 'too directive', especially in a time or resource sensitive situation. I try when working with others to adjust my pace, however, I end up doing my stuff plus their stuff while they sit around and let me. I often get hung up with the fact that others aren't as motivated as myself.
    ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
    DOERS
    Doers like to be in control. They like quick action and they like to see results. They like to get to the point with little formalities. They don’t care for details and love finding shortcuts. Otherwise, they get bored easily. They like autonomy, freedom and taking risks. They are self-starters, innovators and love to expend physical energy. They like public recognition, especially for putting what they most value into action and for creating results that make a difference in the world (or at least in world they see and act in every day).
    ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
    Me in a nutshell? I'd agree.

    However, all this produces is a desire to answer the question...am I an INFJ at the core, but because of life circumstances and conditioning I act out my "Dynamo" attributes, ESTP and ENFP public persona, while engaged in life tasks?

    I'm all about finding out, lol :D
     
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  6. OP
    Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    I thank you for the lead-in from your previous thread @Gale .

    Do you find Investigator fits you?
     
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  7. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    I think it does. I'm extremely curious and always searching for links or connections between things, or analyzing different perspectives, and wondering about makes people tick. So, yeah, it does.
     
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  8. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Ha! I am so bossy!
    When I took this in the last thread (back in 2012!) I got Challenger. But Doer sounds right, in a way. I think I can have different styles depending on situation, but Doer may be primary. I agree with it.
    I think I communicate effectively. The exception being when I offend someone because I'm more concerned with getting to the point or getting something done over their feelings. I can be impatient. I'm realizing I could stand to learn to look at things more holistically and validating feelings can be part of problem solving.
     
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    #8 acd, Aug 7, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2017
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  9. OP
    Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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    I can relate to that.

    Do you find you soften up the "bossy" with respect to the age of the person you are communicating with?
     
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  10. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I do with children and people with certain limitations. I also don't boss elders around because I'm old school like that. The person I'm mostly bossy with is my SO :sweatsmile: lol.
     
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  11. Wyote

    Wyote ○●○
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    Your Preliminary Communication Style Is

    SUPPORTER

    As a SUPPORTER, your primary interests when communicating are relationships and avoiding conflict.


    Yea that seems about right :)
     
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  12. Milktoast Bandit

    Milktoast Bandit That is all

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    Your Preliminary Communication StyleIs

    PROMOTER

    As a PROMOTER, your primary interest when communicating is people and fun

    Bullshit. I hate people and fun...
     
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  13. James

    James Infamy, infamy.. they've all got it infamy
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    Oh dear. Hmm. Not sure that's really me. I hope not.

    Your Preliminary Communication StyleIs

    DOER

    As a DOER you are very active, independent, self-confident and results oriented in your communication. You may appear to be bossy at times or even disregard other people’s feelings when it comes to getting things done
     
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