Coming off as "Intellectually Intimidating" as an INFJ

[dai4481]

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[SlowUpTake]

Charles Pierce, whose writings are way above my grade level, wrote about the discomfort, intolerableness of not knowing. Most do not tread into topics that will lead them to realizing they to not know.

 

[Snow601]

My experience is different but also a little similar. I've been called 'spacey'. Also--more a person over personality thing--I don't find such theoretical topics interesting to talk about, even though I do think about them a lot--like class-related theory and when I was your age a lot of philosophical stuff, like the meaning in the art I adored. My environment didn't really foster interest in such topics (maybe bludgeoned me). I also struggle to put these thoughts into speech. I think what people point out to me however is that I do think deeply about things, and some that I'm 'switched on'. Intelligent, good with words, some charismatic, 'nicest guy ever' but never "intimidating".

I do however feel that loneliness of simply being different because of my mind, personality or cognition-type. But, to add to that, I've always been an outsider too. So, it's like a standard role for me. I'm happy being the artist, who doesn't care much about what other people think about him, but the loneliness still gets to me and can be persistent. I do think it's more values-based.

 

[Daybreak]

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Yes and it’s been extremely frustrating to never be able to fully engage with another person on these things. I find that instead I have to turn to libraries to quench my thirst of these ideas that are constantly swirling in my head and I can’t get enough. I have tried books on tape that I can check out at the library on “Libby” but I have found its not good enough as I have to be holding the books and breathing them in as well for the full experience. It is isolating but I can tell you that you get used to the isolation and eventually come to fully embrace your “being different”. When you are younger that isolation is loud as hell, when you are much older you begin to make peace with it and just learn to put all that energy into yourself versus focusing on trying to fit in. Basically you learn you can’t get it from other people because hardly anyone will want to engage in these topics and that’s ok. You’re not here for them, you’re here for you and you make peace with it and you go in the topic and direction that interests you next never stopping for your quest to get as much knowledge as possible. It’s never enough.

 

[Wyote]

When I was younger I got a lot of that kind of messaging from people
Which I ended up taking to heart because at a core level I care far more about genuine connection than I do perceived truths/intellectualizations
Anyway, I still give off that vibe but when/if people get to know me personally they find out quickly I'm just a goof that enjoys deep thought
Something about Ni-dom makes people have a more stern stoic vibe in general which lends itself to perceived intellectualism
A lot or most Ni-doms are not super bright in many things but they do know how to sit around lazily/rigorously thinking

It's harder when you are younger and trying to navigate certain things
Once you are older you more fully realize/actualize that everyone is full of bologna and just kind of go your own way hopefully/in theory

 

[just me]

Delegating authority builds trust, but can cause confusion at first.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

Why do you think they fear bleeding? I always have my men's backs, and can back them up with a word. The older guys know this from experience. I feel most alive when there is no bloodshed unless the mission includes that. We can be peacekeepers and peacemakers when needed. You won't find me by myself on a battleground unless I am discussing blood does not need to be spilled.

Sometimes growth causes the need to transplant or relocate. Try not to leave the impression you expect the others not to grow.

 

[hush]

I have never been intimidated by an infj in my entire life, if that makes you guys feel better

uwu

 

[ComfortablyNumb]

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.

It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.

It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.

It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Young man (I can say that as I'm twice your age) you are a multipotentialite, polymath, or Renaissance Man. They all mean the same thing, although the latter has more mystique. Don't change, suppress, nor hide that gift. It's a rare attribute within the collective, but common among those who have revolutionized society throughout the ages.

Recognizing that attribute of yourself at your age is golden. Most don't realize it until their 30's, 40's and beyond.

The vast majority of people are interested in two or three topics, usually in a relatively narrow field. You think on a wider plane that transcends the boundaries. For example, someone deep into quantum physics may know more than you on that singular topic and peripheral topics such as the butterfly effect, but disinterested in how the butterfly effect applies to societal organization, peoples belief systems re: predestination vs. free will. Likewise, someone who's interested in belief systems largely aren't interested in quantum physics.

Your mind is zooming in on a topic and zooming out to a wide angle aerial view where you see the connections to many other topics. And it does that on autopilot, not being distinctly aware that it's happening. If only there was a off button!

In the olden days, a psychologist- the same one who diagnosed me with INFJ disorder (there is no cure) called it a "web of thoughts". The next time you see a spider web, look close and watch how the spider moves from point to point with ease and realize she is also sensing the movement of the web in the breeze, which is the web's main purpose - catching flies blowing downwind. Dinner time.

On the social front, either seek out like-minded people or people who like to absorb a firehose of information (INFJs perhaps?), and/or chill with the quantum physics majors one weekend and social science majors the next. Although that third option can be an exhausting juggle.
Look up the Mandella effect if you haven't already. Then invite a psychology professor and quantum physics professor for lunch. Down the rabbit hole of collective human memory function!

 

[Imnosuperman]

I have never been intimidated by an infj in my entire life, if that makes you guys feel better

uwu

Kinda funny ahah.

Infj : Sometimes people call me intellectually intimidating
Intp : Don't worry. You're not intellectually intimidating at all.

[ This subtext : ]

Infj : Sometimes people are afraid of my big intellect
Intp : Don't worry. You don't have a big intellect.

It's like a roast, lol. But not intended

 

[hush]

Kinda funny ahah.

Infj : Sometimes people call me intellectually intimidating
Intp : Don't worry. You're not intellectually intimidating at all.

[ This subtext : ]

Infj : Sometimes people are afraid of my big intellect
Intp : Don't worry. You don't have a big intellect.

It's like a roast, lol. But not intended

I don't think that I have an especially large intellect, but that's the problem here. I don't think that INFJs have an especially large intellect either. MBTI type does not determine one's intellectual ability. It's not that I don't think INFJs can be intellectual, just that they don't stand out compared to others in this regard. The idea behind this thread is a bit problematic

I know it's specified that it's the appearance of being intellectually intimidating to others, but still

 

[Sorn]

In the olden days, a psychologist- the same one who diagnosed me with INFJ disorder (there is no cure)

No cure. I hope so...

I don't think that INFJs have an especially large intellect either.

But they think more about everything and try to figure everything out and understand it. What could be more intelligent than that?

 

[hush]

But they think more about everything and try to figure everything out and understand it. What could be more intelligent than that?

Are you saying that INFJs think more than other types and are therefore more intelligent?

Because if so, there's a whole lot to unpack there

 

[hush]

I think the more I study MBTI, the more I lean towards "you're the same as everyone else" - that's the main point I'm trying to convey here. Not that any type is less intellectual than any other type, simply that we are all equal

 

[Sorn]

Because if so, there's a whole lot to unpack there

One of the things that INFJs are always said to do is that they want to explore everything and see and understand the connections between everything. And that is precisely the basis of intelligence. I don't mean that INFJs are fundamentally more intelligent, but it also depends on whether you use your own intelligence or not. People who only have one or two areas of interest can really go far in those areas, with a lot or a little intelligence. But people like INFJs gain a perspective that extends far beyond those one or two areas of knowledge. And that is exactly what I have always strived for as an INFJ. I can connect things from different fields of expertise. This has often given me advantages in my workplace. While my colleagues viewed problems in a linear way, I was able to create a network of interconnections in my mind, often solving problems in an unconventional way. How should this behavior be defined? As intelligence or as wisdom?
It's probably both. I think intelligence, as it is measured today by IQ, i.e., a simple number, is not what could express the difference between INFJ intelligence. If a test subject can answer all the questions in one or two subject areas but only average in all others, they may get the same result as an INFJ who can answer the questions well in many areas. Both will receive the same IQ as a numerical value, although I would prefer the broad intelligence of an INFJ to that of a specialist.

 

[hush]

One of the things that INFJs are always said to do is that they want to explore everything and see and understand the connections between everything. And that is precisely the basis of intelligence. I don't mean that INFJs are fundamentally more intelligent, but it also depends on whether you use your own intelligence or not. People who only have one or two areas of interest can really go far in those areas, with a lot or a little intelligence. But people like INFJs gain a perspective that extends far beyond those one or two areas of knowledge. And that is exactly what I have always strived for as an INFJ. I can connect things from different fields of expertise. This has often given me advantages in my workplace. While my colleagues viewed problems in a linear way, I was able to create a network of interconnections in my mind, often solving problems in an unconventional way. How should this behavior be defined? As intelligence or as wisdom?
It's probably both. I think intelligence, as it is measured today by IQ, i.e., a simple number, is not what could express the difference between INFJ intelligence. If a test subject can answer all the questions in one or two subject areas but only average in all others, they may get the same result as an INFJ who can answer the questions well in many areas. Both will receive the same IQ as a numerical value, although I would prefer the broad intelligence of an INFJ to that of a specialist.

I think I prefer the intelligence of a group of people over the intelligence of any particular individual. I want to hear from all of those specialists. I want to hear from someone who has that depth of knowledge about a subject. I can't really imagine preferring the intelligence of a specific type. Everyone is equally valuable to me

And as far as seeing connections is concerned, that's the very basis of Ne. This isn't something unique to INFJs

 

[John K]

I agree with @hush - if you take a broad insight into what intelligence means then I don’t think some types are more intelligent than others. What we are though is different from each other in the sort of ways we are intelligent. For example, as someone who lives my life internally I’m always amazed by the ability of some folks to think with their hands - some ISTPs are brilliant at this and I suspect that type has more folks like this than do INFJs and quite a few other types.

I suspect that INFJ folks may sometimes be seen as intimidating because our primary function is the inferior or in the shadow of many other people and isn’t easily understood and accepted by them. If we are skilled with Ni (not all INFJs are) it can be spooky for some - INTJs can be even more so because they don’t use Fe to soften the edges of their interactions with others.

It’s fascinating putting teams together with balanced personality types, as long as they respect each other’s type strengths. INFJs do well teamed up with good xSTJs for example because we fill in each other’s blind spots. A really intelligent xSTJ is a godsend for an INFJ equivalent on the same team.

 

[hush]

I agree with @hush - if you take a broad insight into what intelligence means then I don’t think some types are more intelligent than others. What we are though is different from each other in the sort of ways we are intelligent. For example, as someone who lives my life internally I’m always amazed by the ability of some folks to think with their hands - some ISTPs are brilliant at this and I suspect that type has more folks like this than do INFJs and quite a few other types.

I suspect that INFJ folks may sometimes be seen as intimidating because our primary function is the inferior or in the shadow of many other people and isn’t easily understood and accepted by them. If we are skilled with Ni (not all INFJs are) it can be spooky for some - INTJs can be even more so because they don’t use Fe to soften the edges of their interactions with others.

It’s fascinating putting teams together with balanced personality types, as long as they respect each other’s type strengths. INFJs do well teamed up with good xSTJs for example because we fill in each other’s blind spots. A really intelligent xSTJ is a godsend for an INFJ equivalent on the same team.

That's a good way of putting it, thank you. Different, but not better

I think that for many, Ni is indeed unfamiliar. It can manifest unhealthily as paranoia, seeing interconnections where none exist. There's a positive and a negative to everything. One of the difficulties I've noticed, more so than intimidation, is others simply not seeing what you see, patterns and such. And when you try to explain yourself, it still might not help others see. Not that you intimidate others, but that they might not take you seriously

I'm going off topic though, sorry about that. I really don't know why I have this odd need to grab my sword and shield whenever I think there's the possibility of bias against other types happening. Sorry about that, as well

 

[John K]

One of the difficulties I've noticed, more so than intimidation, is others simply not seeing what you see, patterns and such. And when you try to explain yourself, it still might not help others see. Not that you intimidate others, but that they might not take you seriously

Definitely! In fact this characteristic of INFJs can come across to others as a lack of intelligence rather than a high level of it. Something I was taught in management training courses was always with something important to try and express ourselves in ways that relate to other folk's ways of orienting. I actually think it's a lot easier for INFJs to do this than for other types to work out how to make a case to an INFJ person.

 

[carbon14]

It's been 2 years since I've been on this website, but this is interesting. I am 17 years old and ever since I was a kid I have been deeply interested in science, it's been incredibly isolating sometimes. I've been called smart by too many people to where it becomes isolating. It turns into an expectation that you are smart in all areas and your judged if you fall short. These recent years I've given up on starting conversations about Quantum mechanics or related things, for me it almost never becomes an engaging conversation. They either think I'm trying to act smart, or that they feel inferior because they don't understand what I'm talking about. So, I have now turned into the funny guy that makes jokes. But it hurts daily that I have to cover over a part of my personality just so I can have conversation with people who think I'm totally engaged. But I'll make that sacrifice because in my situation there seems to be no other way.

 

[Sorn]

I just wanted to mention that in connection with an argument given further above:

So in your case, it's not that you're accepted into a group because of your different kind of intelligence, in order to give the group a balanced foundation of different intellectual abilities, but rather that you're excluded because your interests and knowledge don't fit into these groups. Unfortunately, groups of people do not seek out people with different abilities in order to have a broad range of intelligence as a group, but rather groups of people always seek out their peers.
Of course, it would be great and effective if teams consisted of people with different talents, but that is wishful thinking and only happens on television.