[INFJ] Can't understand INFJ male's behaviour

I dunno what you should or should not do, so I can only speak from how I would react.
Playing hard to get makes me instantly lose interest, whilst for some guys this is appealing.
I do think it is best to just throw your cards on the table. Too bad hes not an assertive type...

It's possible hes not that emotional, I've read some infj's will type as INTJ sometimes because as a result from their interactions with the world they draw back to a very cold rational place in their minds and can end up supressing everything. Most INFJ men as you've noticed on this forum don't have many friends if any and really do end up being awkward as a result in social situations. Texting wise, he might just have a different frequency which he only managed to up for a little while, if he normally initiates texting you should consider initiating just as often. If you're the one doing the initiating the entire time with him not responding that often then hes possibly a bit overwhelmed by the amount of attention.

Either way, I personally think throwing ones cards on the table is in order and both parties should invest equal amount of effort in it. If that is not happening during the dating process, what would it be like when you're living together. For all you know he's just as uncertain about your level of interest as you are about his.

Also don't trust too much in his INFJ result, he could have been mistyped or he simply might be very closed.
I hope things will be resolved in a positive way for you ^^ Best of luck!

 

Seems like this particular person is not your type. I've heard it said elsewhere on the forum that infj is a very "feminine" type, to be an infj male is probably difficult as he is not supposed to be crying everytime you two watch The Notebook. Maybe that's why he is moody instead of emotional?

but like I'd tell anyone, he's doing things you don't like so dump him.

 

I can't speak for him, but I believe I can relate. When was younger, I was uncertain about myself. I thought there was something wrong with me because I thought about things differently than everyone I know. This eventually led to me shutting down emotionally. Nothing would bother me, and it seemed like I didn't care about anything. This caused a lot of problems in my relationship where my girlfriend began to believe that I didn't care about her when inside I felt I was caring a little too much. Maybe I was immature, but eventually I began to accept that I was different and embraced my emotions. Now I cry during good and bad times and I'm thankful that I'm able to relate to that side of humanity that many people repress.
I know at the start of relationships, I tend to play it safe until I am 100 percent certain the other person is interested. Being uncertain of myself made me deathly afraid of rejection. You may be letting him know that you're interested, but it may not be enough for him to feel safe enough to open up. I think putting all the cards on the table is a good idea. Keep in mind though, it's possible he's not as interested in you as you are in him and he just doesn't want to hurt you by telling you. I hope this helps a little.

 

Thats debatable. This is a good indicator of what INFJs are like http://www.celebritytypes.com/infj.php. Some of the choices may be up for debate but most are spot on. I just saw my first Lar von Trier movie and I could definitely relate.

He may be repressing his emotions, its not uncommon for many men to do so, often we haven't been taught very well to deal with him. The best thing to do would be to honest and forthright. Just ask (if you are interested) if he is interested. If he is then maybe you have something, if not move on. Sometimes being subtle or trying to read the tea leaves isn't all its cracked up to be.

 

Just have a conversation with him then. In order to be open to the greatest joy we have to be open to the greatest pain. I say risk it all. Tell him how you feel about him and tell him how you are confused by his behavior. If he's an INFJ he will appreciate that. He may even respond in kind. Maybe not, but that seems to be the only way to get the answers you're looking for. If he says he feels the same way, but does or show's you little else, know that he meant it when he said it. If he says he doesn't know or is confused, that's something you can work with. If he says he doesn't feel the same way, then at least you are no longer in limbo.

 

You just need to be patient with him for 10 years while you change him into the man of your dreams

 

It doesn't matter what type someone is. Moody, not moody, extroverted, introverted. Generally, if guy is into you, you know it. If he's ambivalent or undecided, his behavior will reflect that. It seems to me that this is the case here. He may like you well enough, but he isn't sure if he's all in just yet. Maybe he's waiting on you to express more interest because he's not the type to fall before he's got a sure thing. Or maybe he prefers the chase and you're coming on a bit strong. Or maybe he's not sure what he wants. You guys are pretty early in the relationship as it is. I'm not sure anyone can tell you which he is for certain.

I think you need to decide what it is you want rather than trying to figure him out. Do you want the guy or are you more intrigued by question if whether he wants you? This is an important distinction, because if you already know you like him and want to be with him, you have a chance to cut through the bullshit and just lay it all on the table. See if he's on the same page. Whether he is or isn't, you can both save yourself some time.

Or if you prefer the game, you can continue to play and keep it exciting. Nothing wrong with that either.

Its ts really want you want here.

 

He reminds me of me when I was 20, but I'm still very much the same. I don't show any emotion at all, but I do laugh at almost everything, and I'm very friendly. Sometimes. When I choose to be.

He's an introvert, keep that in mind. When he needs his space, he needs it.

Don't play any fucking games, especially "hard to get". (Why do females do this shit?) It will only result in him probably canning you, trust me.

However, if you both are genuinely interested, there should be a click. If it's logic you're using to justify dating each other (both INFJ) then you might want to reconsider. A certain chemical "spark" has to be there for both parties to really want to engage. And keep in mind, INFJs take a VERY LONG TIME to be genuinely interested in one person's continued presence.

What I'm getting at from your post is that he might just not be very interested.

 

I must admit, the wrap sheet you give this guy makes me think if I were in your shoes I'd put this guy on the back burner. It seems he's too much hard work to be quite honest. But the portrait given may likely only be part of his bigger picture. Despite this 'moving on' advice, in reality, what I have done in a past relationship is continue simply because that's what was happening, even though the signs were all there that she wasn't a match.

It's amazing how different INFJ guys can be - upbringing and personal experiences makes all the difference. I can partly relate to his description, but at the same time I couldn't be more different (I smile, laugh, quite outgoing and not serious at all on short term surface) - at least, having been brought out of my shell through life experiences - a shell which he may not have been brought out as of yet. One thing I think all INFJ guys can relate to is not liking 'the hard to get game'. Nor do I think an INFJ guy would dislike getting too much attention (at least in the early stages) from someone he likes - in fact he'll revel in it. Personally I've always been peachy keen to text back when texted from someone I've been interested in, yet force myself to 'hold back' to not seem too keen. So his texting behaviour I cannot relate with in this dating context - expect for the fact that now days for everyone I don't text back/email in a hurry.

Going ahead on a third date can't hurt, it can only help clarify the muddy waters (or make it even muddier). If you like him and am interested in him, let him know point blank when it feels right to say it/text it, and use your spider senses to gauge his interest or lack thereof based on his response - which in my opinion if he is interested in you he will let you know and show his hand, especially if you show your cards first. This has been the way it was with me. Going on a few extra dates can't hurt either, if they'll bring clarity - as I said if he hasn't been brought out of his shell yet, it may take some warming up (getting used to you) before his true colours show (if indeed he is an INFJ).

 

Yeah, I guess it's all conjecture as to what the heck is going on his side, but it seems he is interested in you based on what you say, and the texting. But you're very right, that going into a relationship 'to fix' the other party never works out... At least if you go ahead there's nothing stopping you from pulling out at any time, especially if you notice he's turning into a fix it project as opposed to it being a mutual up-building relationship. Us INFJ's can be suckers for a project! Like you, my experience has led me to warn others thus: "if you feel you need to change them from what they are right now, then stay away, far, far away." lol

 

If it helps, I've been in the same boat with an INFJ/INFP (he doesn't know which of the two he actually is) and it is a mostly long-distance thing for 6 months now. When we met, he was just out of a 5-year relationship and we hit it off right away (we were intimate about three-four times), but his texting behavior bothered me from the beginning. He would just take forever to text back (as in days) and sometimes would not read texts for a couple of days. I thought it was his way of saying he was not interested in me.

So I did what any mature woman would do and I brought it up with him. I said "I feel like you do not want to talk to me, blah blah" and his response was that he is just terrible at texting and is like this with everyone! He also apologized twice about this very subject. I did some FB stalking of his past posts (years before he met me) and lo and behold, his male friends were complaining on his FB wall that he does not answer their messages and takes forever to open them! So at least he was honest. We talked about the best way to communicate and he said he is a "quality time" guy. The problem is that when we talk over Skype he wants to talk for hours while I prefer talking every day for 20 minutes of so.

Listen to some of the other posters. I say go on that third date, do some sleuthing (FB stalking for a bit, ask common friends, etc.) and find out how he treat other people. Once you do, you will have to come out and tell him how you feel....."(Insert name)_______, I like you very much, but sometimes I feel like you do not want to talk to me. If that is the case, perhaps we should not see each other again." This statement will put him on the spot without much pressure. You are basically telling him that you are not happy with his level of communication and if he is not interested you are going to walk away. Oh, and you have to be willing to walk away for real.