This is a topic that aggravates me to no end. I'd like to get your opinion. Everyone has a different perception of what is "being proud of oneself" and "boasting". Why is it NOT okay to make mention of your success? Why is it NOT okay to say that you are proud of yourself when you KNOW you've put in the effort and did a great job to achieve your success?
Being proud vs. Boasting.
- Thread starter Sriracha
- Start date
Tin Man
"a respectable amount of screaming"
I assume you know the difference between pride and arrogance so this is probably more to do with people in your life who condemn you for having self-esteem. Anybody who believes that even to acknowledge your accomplishments is boasting are simply wrong. Most likely they have little faith in themselves and want to diminish the successes of people who do.
Of course, if you make reference to your deeds constantly and tell others how great you are, then you're just an arrogant fool.
Of course, if you make reference to your deeds constantly and tell others how great you are, then you're just an arrogant fool.
I have a problem with talking about my history as a wrestler. I don't do it because I want to brag. I just have the common human urge to be understood. And I feel like nobody can begin to understand me unless they understand my history as a wrestler.
It was a huge part of my life from the age 4-24. The majority of people have no idea what real wrestling is. They think its WWF which is a joke because those people are just paid actors/body builders. Either that or people think its "gay". But trust me, "gay" is the last thing on your mind when you are being strangled by your opponent and the world starts to blur.
So I partially brag because I want to be understood as an individual. But also because I want people to not have such a pathetically ignorant view about the sport. It teaches honor, respect, patience, and humility. It's not in any way motivated by foolish pride and ego like non-athletes like to believe. Wrestlers are the black sheep of combat sports, so that gives me additional motivation because I feel the need to educate people.
It was a huge part of my life from the age 4-24. The majority of people have no idea what real wrestling is. They think its WWF which is a joke because those people are just paid actors/body builders. Either that or people think its "gay". But trust me, "gay" is the last thing on your mind when you are being strangled by your opponent and the world starts to blur.
So I partially brag because I want to be understood as an individual. But also because I want people to not have such a pathetically ignorant view about the sport. It teaches honor, respect, patience, and humility. It's not in any way motivated by foolish pride and ego like non-athletes like to believe. Wrestlers are the black sheep of combat sports, so that gives me additional motivation because I feel the need to educate people.
Because our society is conditioned to be meek.
It's a form of control. Even though we've become proficient in something there is always more to improve upon.
It keeps us off balance.
If we excel in something it makes our managers and supervisors look bad.
We appear to be better than our peers and they end up feeling inadequate.
Judgment Judgment Judgment
I'm glad you're pissed about it. It's about time we started feeling happy about our accomplishments in areas that flame our passion for living.
I was telling my ex about something I did that ended up helping him. Then I said "I'm good aren't I".... He admitted yes and I just sat there for a few seconds smiling at myself at my abilities. You know... not because he agreed...but because let's face it...I'm just that good :tongue: (in that particular area which is accounting).
THEN....he blew the moment by saying "Don't let it go to your head". I said what?. He laughed and said "I'm only teasing"... and I launched into this whole dialogue with him about how that was wrong and how it took away my enjoyment of being in his presence with him truly validating me. It made him pause and reflect.
Our society is insane....backwards... I hope you encourage people to bask in their excellence every opportunity you get.
I also hope YOU bask in your excellence too!....for I know you're damn good at what you do!
It seems it's the adults causing all of the problems.
Why not have your sons friends come to the meeting and ask the adults why he's being banned. Or have them type a formal letter requesting an explanation.
You know how it is....small minded people like their little kingdoms and they don't want to lose the power they have. You and your husband are threats to their power....
Why not have your sons friends come to the meeting and ask the adults why he's being banned. Or have them type a formal letter requesting an explanation.
You know how it is....small minded people like their little kingdoms and they don't want to lose the power they have. You and your husband are threats to their power....
From the external PoV; it's not okay because it hurts other people, and sometimes people just have no way to separate other's successes with their own failure. In some ways, people who are proud with themselves and aren't afraid to mention it are inadvertently sending a message of 'you're a loser, loser, loooooooooooooooser' for other people.
It's a factor of self confidence from the listener.
But of course there are grey areas as well... For example, when one's performance in work are being praised by their superiors.
Wouldn't expressing even the slightest pride in that case feels like rubbing salt to an open wound?
And even worse / grayer, if one of the other coworkers feels like they are working as hard?
And even grayer, if they actually work as hard?
I think it depends on what someone is looking for.
If they are looking for group harmony first, pride is admittedly one hell of a landmine. There's only a thin line that separates pride and boasting and that thin line sometimes shifts.
On the other hand, @Kgal is right; society is pushing people to be meek.... then they pushes the same people to be a douche by expressing their pride in an explosive way.
I know you put some context into it, and I'm going to reply on it asap...and without quoting.
In your situations, I can see that it's; yes, most likely adults feeling threatened.
It can be a matter or power as Kgal said. On the other hand, it might be reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly practical: The parents don't want their children to nag at them.
"Mommy! X is going to [insert tons of fun here, ending with an unicorn riding to Santa's home]. WHY CAN'T III??????"
And another hypothesis of mine: it can be that they are irritated with the fact that one of their members are moving to somewhere less crappy (think about it like this: You realized the fact that the group is crappy.
What are the chances that other members also realized that?
What are the chances that your son talking about all the interesting things he's going to do is going to make other kids realized just how crappy their situation atm?
And what will they do if not going to their parents?)
To reiterate : No, I don't think it's your fault in particular. But people just got hurt.
I'm sorry that you and your son had to experience this kind of power play though, especially your son. This is not his fault at all, nor is it yours for moving.
If all else fails, I hope you and your son had fun in your new place.
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I appreciate your awareness of their insecurities...but it looks as if staying away still hasn't alleviated their fears though. Sigh.... There doesn't seem to be much you can do about that.
Great text to the woman.
Is there an appeal process?
Great text to the woman.
Is there an appeal process?
Well....as much one is naturally inclined to be a mama "bear" when their children's happiness is threatened....don't forget how the bear is perceived out there.
You know that when another person gets scared they cannot think very well. They also become defensive.
Go around the house roaring all you want...but when it comes to dealing with those small minded people....try to be calm and encouraging. I know you know this....and I know it's frustrating as hell. Hopefully there is opportunity for all kinds of learning to happen in this situation.
Give it all you got Sriracha and see how it pans out. I wish you success!
You know that when another person gets scared they cannot think very well. They also become defensive.
Go around the house roaring all you want...but when it comes to dealing with those small minded people....try to be calm and encouraging. I know you know this....and I know it's frustrating as hell. Hopefully there is opportunity for all kinds of learning to happen in this situation.
Give it all you got Sriracha and see how it pans out. I wish you success!
Meh. I'm humble and boastful.
People who know me, know that even though I like to brag, they know that I don't really think I'm better than everyone. People who don't know me, probably just think I'm an asshole.
In others, I look to the feeling/intention behind the words. What they say is mostly irrelevant. I understand by tone. There is a difference in tone when someone says "I'm awesome" and "I'm awesome (you are not)"
People who know me, know that even though I like to brag, they know that I don't really think I'm better than everyone. People who don't know me, probably just think I'm an asshole.
In others, I look to the feeling/intention behind the words. What they say is mostly irrelevant. I understand by tone. There is a difference in tone when someone says "I'm awesome" and "I'm awesome (you are not)"
I remember one time, after SATs in high school, everyone crowded together and talked about their scores. My friend would always try to get me to tell mine but I merely would not divulge. So my friend found my scores, opened them, and screamed them out loud like it was a fucking football announcement or something. I got a very high score (before the new one was introduced) and countless people accused ME of bragging when I just hung my head in embarrassment. It also didn't make things any better when I was forced to take a Mensa test by my principal and then had to participate in a ceremony to get my certificate thingy. Anyway, long story short - It embarrassed me beyond compare because I didn't want the attention, the humiliation, and I was not proud of these things that were forced upon me. So it conditioned me to never talk about my successes or to be proud of myself for a while, because I always feared that humiliation would come of it.
Now, I could care less. Those tests mean nothing to me; they test the test, not the taker. I define my own idea of success and I have no problem patting myself on the back if I deserve it. I just don't raise a flag and go around saying that I'm a gift to the world. There is just a line between pride and arrogance.
I see nothing wrong with pride, as long as it's not in-your-face and overt. Having confidence in oneself is very important, because if you don't believe in yourself, who will believe in you? I think it just becomes too much when you become selfish, and the person forgets the hard-work and help they got from others to achieve their goals.
If you think you are Jesus and can walk on water, you best check yo'self!
To be honest, I prefer a person who boasts shamelessly and is completely aware of it, to someone who tries to conceal the fact that they are boasting, i.e. with dropping hints about their intelligence or compliment fishing subtly yet obviously with the intention of trying to get people to notice and look up at them for it.
There is more honour in modesty than in arrogance, but there is also honour to be found in knowing and owning what you are, prideful or not.
There is more honour in modesty than in arrogance, but there is also honour to be found in knowing and owning what you are, prideful or not.
So everyone in this thread so far has been giving you the "what". I'll try to give you the "why".
To answer your question:
Boastfulness is not accepted in society, because speaking about yourself in a way that makes you seem higher than the people around you is not proactive towards the unity and harmony of the group. It involves the individual separating and then creating leverage from the group for themselves. Whether this is inherently good or bad outside of the constraints of group dynamics (i.e. indicates "poor character"), or is actually going to be destructive to the group in any way other than damaging the feeling of mutual relatability and communalism, is a matter of personal opinion.
Anyway the question is in actuality asking why this Fe-like behaviour exists, so there I've broken it down for y'all.
I'm equating boastfulness with talking about one's successes here, btw. Talking about one's successes is often looked down on as well (compared to keeping it inside and hiding them), because of what talking about one's successes, boastfully or not, often implies. "WHY does this person find the need to talk about it?" is just as valid a question as "why NOT?" It's a fine line to walk in terms of how it can be interpreted, but I think that the positivity or negativity of interpretation can be boiled down to whether or not the speaker distinguishes themself from the group when sharing about their accomplishments.
To answer your question:
Boastfulness is not accepted in society, because speaking about yourself in a way that makes you seem higher than the people around you is not proactive towards the unity and harmony of the group. It involves the individual separating and then creating leverage from the group for themselves. Whether this is inherently good or bad outside of the constraints of group dynamics (i.e. indicates "poor character"), or is actually going to be destructive to the group in any way other than damaging the feeling of mutual relatability and communalism, is a matter of personal opinion.
Anyway the question is in actuality asking why this Fe-like behaviour exists, so there I've broken it down for y'all.
I'm equating boastfulness with talking about one's successes here, btw. Talking about one's successes is often looked down on as well (compared to keeping it inside and hiding them), because of what talking about one's successes, boastfully or not, often implies. "WHY does this person find the need to talk about it?" is just as valid a question as "why NOT?" It's a fine line to walk in terms of how it can be interpreted, but I think that the positivity or negativity of interpretation can be boiled down to whether or not the speaker distinguishes themself from the group when sharing about their accomplishments.
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This response feels foreign to me. I don't relate to it. I don't understand how one persons accomplishments somehow make another person less of a person. I just get happy or proud of people when they accomplish things. Sometimes I think this is partially why I'm such an American Football fan; because I like to watch people accomplish things.
There is no such thing as "better than". People just have different incentives and priorities. People are born into different situations and have different opportunities. So how could one persons accomplishments be an implication of being "better"??
I just don't get it. This is one of those things that I don't understand about people.
Wow! I am so happy to read someone else articulating something that also confuses me, and I've often thought the same thing to myself. (With the exception of the American Football thing, no offense, that I don't quite get.) However, I also usually get all "Way to go!!!!" when I see someone accomplishing great things or doing well.
I've noticed that people often like to take others down when they feel good about themselves.
But that is the exact opposite of a spirit of collaboration, it is rather a negative and corrupt form of competition. Healthy competition + healthy collaboration works best. Perhaps? It seems they are both necessary and both work together. (pondering.)