Being a third wheel | INFJ Forum

Being a third wheel

Altruistic Muse

Altruistic Muse

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Apr 6, 2009
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Is this something that bothers you? If you are asked to go out with a couple, would you say no? If so, do you think it is rooted in jealousy or insecurity, or something else? I just don't think it bothers me, but my sister is so hostile towards spending time with me and my boyfriend, and all previous ones. She's never had a very long relationship herself, which I'm guessing is a contributing factor?
 
Shit's awkward.
 
I spent a long time single and I can tell you it is no fun being the third wheel. Plus it means you occasionally get set up which is also unpleasant.

Perhaps she feels she's being invited along out of pity - who knows? I'm not saying that is your intention but it might be how she perceives it. Please don't think it's jealousy ... I was never "jealous" of other people and their male friends. I wanted it for myself too but didn't begrudge them having theirs.

If I can draw another analogy of which I have some experience, it is like when you are trying to have a baby and it isn't working. All around you, people are getting pregnant and having babies and you are happy for them but it still hurts sometimes. Don't take it personally. Just make sure she's aware that when you issue the invitation, she has the option not to go along and that she knows whatever she wants to do is perfectly fine by you.

Hope that helped a bit. =)
 
It depends on the couple. Some people create a little exclusion zone around themselves, others have manners and breeding.
 
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kiu said:
It depends on the couple. Some people create a little exclusion zone around themselves, others have manners and breeding.
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I kind of recognize this behaviour in people I know :eek:
 
I love the susscinct way you get to the heart of a topic [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION] Agree 100%!
 
Being a third wheel is pretty bad.
 
I've been asked to be in this situation, and I always turn it down, especially when my friends are barely getting to know the guy. I know they are trying to be nice and "introduce" us, but I always find an outing just gets a little awkward if there is only three people. A double date would be a lot more fun.
 
Not a chance.

I have better things to do with my time, well on second thought, not really. But still it's weird.
 
Really?! I get what you are all saying. But I just don't see it as that much of a problem! Me and my bf are very keen not to be exclusive, which is why we want to do friends things together. We wouldn't make it weird! Also he had been single for like 27 years before meeting me, and his friends used to invite him out as a third, and he just had no issue with it at all. Third person on a date, fine yeh, not good. But three people hanging out?! I just don't see the problem!
 
Altruistic Muse said:
Really?! I get what you are all saying. But I just don't see it as that much of a problem! Me and my bf are very keen not to be exclusive, which is why we want to do friends things together. We wouldn't make it weird! Also he had been single for like 27 years before meeting me, and his friends used to invite him out as a third, and he just had no issue with it at all. Third person on a date, fine yeh, not good. But three people hanging out?! I just don't see the problem!
Click to expand...

I understand your point, it's just that I've had some uncomfortable experiences hanging out the way you described. When the couple begins making out, sticking their hands on each other's genitals and ignoring the fact that there's a complete uncomfortable friend next to you, that's when it becomes problematic.

I'm not saying you do this, but I take precautions, so most likely I would never accept that kind of invitation ever again.
 
It's a lil' uncomfortable if I give in to apathy, but if I'm out, I'm out to have a good time, & I'll HAVE one baby! My good friends are pretty cool about not being all porn star in front of me & making sure I feel included. :D
 
I guess I could see what you mean by hanging out as a group of friends. Maybe it's because she's your sister? I don't know, I've been around my sister and her boyfriend once when he came over (way long ago) and every time they held hands it made me want to barf. XP But that's probably because I'm not a big fan of PDA in the first place. But yeah, if she doesn't want to go it might be because of something similar or the whole third wheel thing.
 
[MENTION=678]AUM[/MENTION], granted, that sounds terrible!! Ha, I can honestly say I'd never do that. And my sis knows that. It's just a shame you know. I'm sure she wishes she had a boyfriend as well,it just so gets in the way! If she did have one, I'm sure we could all hang
out no problem. It's never been about pity or about showing off or anything (although yea, she has admitted to thinking of it as pity before). It's just wanting to be treated as individuals, not a dreaded couple trying to rub happiness in her face.
 
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