Asking a coworker out on a date | INFJ Forum

Asking a coworker out on a date

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by noisebloom, May 6, 2018.

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  1. noisebloom

    noisebloom theory conspirer
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    I thought dating was complicated enough, and now I am interested in going on a date with a coworker, to make things more interesting...


    Basically, she's in the same department as me, but so are about a hundred other people. I had seen her in the hallway a few times, and I was blown away by how beautiful she was. I was in a training class at work with her and didn't have a chance to interact with her (also didn't help that I'm very shy), but her interest and motivation in what she did for a living was definitely a turn-on for me... plus the fact that she seems incredibly easy-going.

    I then had this crazy idea to get an excuse to talk to her... I'm doing a presentation on a certain topic at work, and I realized that she had some research on a subset of this topic. I decided that if she was open to it, I would mention her work in my presentation.

    I went over to her desk and talked to her about it. She was very shy (not looking directly at me); it was incredibly cute. I think a third-party would have realized it was obvious I liked her, because I was laughing after I pretty much said anything. Eventually our eyes met and I didn't break my gaze; she smiled at this point, and continued to smile and laugh as our conversation continued. Seemed like a good sign.

    I sent her a message at work thanking her for the help, and we ended up launching into a conversation (over IM) about various things and our work backgrounds. She seemed to send a lot of "hahaha" messages and smiley emoticons, but I'm not really sure how much of this was just her being friendly. I don't really know how much you can construe accurately from digital mediums like this.

    So I want to get to know her better at this point, but I don't have a lot to talk to her about besides work, and I would like to increase my chances of success because if my attempt seems desperate or definitely focused on anything romantic, it could make for some awkward work interactions and potentially get people around the office talking. She is also from China and I believe has only been in the states for 4 or 5 years, so I'm not sure how much her cultural background will influence her willingness to date (I've been to China so I've learned a little bit about what dating is like there, but I don't know how much that changes when someone moves to the U.S.).

    My current plan is to find another excuse to talk to her about something work-related, and then maybe try to ask her if her team does any travel for work... I absolute love traveling, on and top of that, I traveled to China for work and I really really want to learn Mandarin. Part of me thinks that may come off as shallow and potentially racist (though I do happen to be of Asian descent as well), but I genuinely love the culture, and at this point, it may be one of the few things we have in common (until I find out more by hanging out with her!).

    So if this plan works and the conversation goes well, I was thinking about asking her if she'd like to go on a friendly work lunch, and then learn more about her from that, and then if we like each other, we could become friends (if I do think she potentially liked me more than a friend, I would still probably try to delay any initial romantic actions on my end for awhile because of the whole work-connection and the fact that I'm not really "ready" for anything serious at the moment).

    Anyway, any advice? Noise is CRUSHING, and he hasn't really done much dating for years...
     
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  2. Free

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    So, it is done. Definitely means no kittens with @Lurk. :teary:
     
  3. OP
    noisebloom

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  5. Pin

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    You shouldn't try to date your co-worker; that's unprofessional and probably against policy.

    Seriously, don't shit where you eat.
     
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  6. Lurk

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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Lurk

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    Aww! Good luck to you! I'm looking for an appropriate gift for her.
     
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  8. the

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    Talk about work and then talk about sex. That's how I dated a girl at work. 1:1 success to attempt ratio BTW.
     
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    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Bad! You're not supposed to do that.
     
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    It made it more fun!
     
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  11. Lurk

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    Or puppies!

    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Lurk

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    Have fun together. Goof off. Make fun of other people.

    That's bonding. You guys would basically be brainstorming together; a topic for conversation will evolve. A planned conversation seems a wee bit too close to a presentation!
     
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    Guys...

    I really don't think we should be encouraging this. He could seriously lose his job if she's not receptive to his advances.

    Noise, can't you find someone outside of your workplace and avoid all risk of harassment?
     
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  14. OP
    noisebloom

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    I'm not sure it's against company policy, but it happens a hell of a lot at my site, and I have not observed any serious consequences... and in fact, relationships between coworkers are so common nowadays (at least in the U.S.) that I think actively discouraging any engagement on this topic is a bit of an overreaction. I have a number of coworkers that would have never made their significant others or spouses if it weren't for their jobs.

    As I stated, I'm basically looking to be friends. As long as I'm not actually overtly hitting on her, how is that grounds for harassment? I suppose there is always the chance in the future that it would happen if I did make a move long-term, but I'm not so risk averse to sabotage a potential rewarding relationship if things got to that point and I felt like the probability of success was high.
     
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  15. OP
    noisebloom

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    Actually, I just remembered taking a company sexual harassment training a few months ago, and it definitely stated that asking a coworker out is okay, but any inappropriate behavior or persistence if rejected is considered harassment. I will dig up that video and review.
     
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  16. jkxx

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    Please excuse me for not reading the rest of the thread since it ought to be read but have to hurry -

    @noisebloom, you're doing well so far, I think in this instance you just have to give her time to make up her mind and not do anything to "push" her because that is the one thing which can undo everything. I was in a situation like this years ago but ultimately decided not to go through with it since the person involved is so important to me I couldn't risk losing her - you have just met this person though so it's up to you.
     
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  17. AUM

    AUM Well-known member

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    This may be a little off-topic(or maybe not), but does it happen to anyone that work relationships(of the romantic variety) feel a bit incestuous? I've always had this icky factor trying to hook up with people I work with. Just seems weird.

    Anyway, OP, I really have nothing to offer you here. Just had to get that off my chest. Good luck ;)
     
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  18. Happy Phantom

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    Rules were made to be broken.

    @noisebloom there is something to be said about an INTP looking into someone he likes eyes. There’s a thread about it if you do a search. “Why would an INTP stare into an INFJs eyes.”

    I would befriend her and see where it goes.
     
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  19. ruji

    ruji Well-known weirdo

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    All the women I have gotten were through jobs!
     
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  20. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    Dating a co-worker
    PRO: spend time together makes the job fun and sexy
    CON: spend time together, makes job horrid and awkward if things go south

    I would say that finding someone at work is pretty common. You spend time together with people day after day, pretty common.

    When shit goes bad, it's not fun though. There is always a down side.
     
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