Are you reluctant to tell people when something is wrong | INFJ Forum

Are you reluctant to tell people when something is wrong

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by poetrygirl, Feb 13, 2009.

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  1. poetrygirl

    poetrygirl Community Member

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    But when something is wrong with someone else you expect them to come to you and tell you everything?

    I feel like I can never tell some people my problems because they wouldn't understand. But people naturally come to me :m142: when they have a problem. I feel kinda unbalanced in (friend) a relationship. Maybe it's a personal lack of trust thing :m092: but I don't know. Do you experience anything like this? Is it an infj thing?
     
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    #1 poetrygirl, Feb 13, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2009
  2. IndigoSensor

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    When it is a fact or something. I will speak up right away, and think nothing of it (likely my Ti). For example, if someone said that pentavalent carbon exsisted, I wouldn't think twice about speaking up.

    However, when it comes to non-factual things. I have a very hard time speaking up, for fear of upsetting people. I will though if they want me to.
     
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  3. Black Swan

    Black Swan Community Member

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    There's only one person that I discuss issues with. And if I don't want to talk about it...I won't, even if he tries to pull it out of me.
     
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  4. tereza

    tereza Regular Poster

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    For some reason, I have a difficult time telling friends about what's really going on in my life, but a real easy time telling complete strangers all my problems. But then after that, they're no longer strangers and I don't want to tell them anymore of my problems.

    I think part of me hates looking vulnerable and another part of me thinks I should be able to figure this stuff out on my own.
     
  5. Vagrant

    Vagrant Regular Poster

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    If I think the problem is minor, or will fix itself, I won't bother talking about it.

    However, if a problem is major, I will speak up.
     
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  6. mayflow

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    I used to get in this position a lot, and at first I thought it was cool because the persons(s) trusted me to be kind and understanding, but then one day this guy said "How do you think you are helping them by enabling their whinings? That is not really all that compassionate, you know" (I am paraphrasing) but the point came to me that all I was doing (even if well meant) was encouraging them to stay in that whiny mode. I certainly would never want tyo do that to me, so like that Golden Rule thingy applies, I thinks. :smile:
     
  7. Lurker

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    I've noticed this to be true for many different types. I do it myself, I talk to very few people about any deep hurts, I'm getting better at talking about feelings in general though.

    My INFJ and ISFP sisters both with hold talking to others as well. Thing is we all do it for different (yet overlapping) reasons. Primarily my ISFP sis doesn't want to burden others, my INFJ sis doesn't think others will understand and I am not comfortable talking about emotions. We each have the other two thoughts in our heads just not as strongly.
     
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    #7 Lurker, Feb 14, 2009
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  8. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I have a hard time telling people when something is wrong because I have a hard time depending on people for help. I am somewhat proud. Plus, talking is exhausting, and I'm not going to waste my breath when someone is not interested or powerless to help me.

    I also have a hard time doing this because I have a bad habit of internalizing other people's problems and stressing out over them. I carry their burdens, even though there is not much I can do to solve the problems. I don't want anyone else carrying my burdens.
     
  9. andria32

    andria32 Newbie

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    I echo merrytrees. I have a ridiculously hard time depending on other people for help. Which, is typically because I've been screwed over a lot in the past...

    I'd rather only have to rely on myself, because it's so upsetting when people disappoint me.
     
  10. Cuddle Donor

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    I have a bad habit of avoiding asking for help, even for the most insignificant things. I just hate that feeling of vulnerability. For the bigger things there is a trust issue; but not about trusting they will help me, just trusting they will listen to me in the first place. I would much prefer to be the saviour and the enabler, but that's not the slightest bit realistic.
     
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  11. Nat

    Nat Newbie

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    Same problem.
    I don't share what's wrong because then people look at me like I'm weak and a burden and they abandon me. I'm theone who helps because if I help them, maybe they will see that I'm a good person.
     
  12. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Addicted to Bagels

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    I dont trust people too much. There are only 2 people I can tell everything.
     
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  13. sleepycloud

    sleepycloud Regular Poster

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    I don't want to burden others with something they probably won't relate to on enough of an empathetic level (even if they may sympathetically understand) to want to fix it themselves too so it won't feel as though I'm unburdening only my own problems onto them.

    I have one friend I trust with my issues and we’re there for each other reciprocally but she can't help me implement the solution. Plus I'm paranoid about coming across whiny/ungrateful when letting off steam actually has the opposite intention of not bottling up flooding soda fizz.

    I'm only half ashamed of vulnerability because I adore the phrase 'brother let your heart be wounded and give no mercy to your fear.' I don't cringe at but admire people who wear their hearts on their sleeve; it's a great way to say 'although I'm easily hurt, I won't let you use that against me.'

    I don't mind divulging personal things online in my blog because it's not addressed to anyone, expecting a consoling reply or trying to make anyone who doesn't care understand, it's just putting myself out there for anyone who does understand and happens to come across it feel less alone.

    It would be more embarrassing to be fussed over/pitied irl where I usually buckle up with my problems.
     
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