are you emotionally expressive?
- Thread starter Gaze
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Most people can’t tell...just take a look at the pictures in the member’s section...lol...that is my default face.
Like a lot of INFJs, I think I have learned to internalize my emotions because expressing them had people looking at me strangely.
Sensiko can read my face...even when it is blank...but then again she is another INFJ and we live together, so that may have something to do with it...lol.
Like a lot of INFJs, I think I have learned to internalize my emotions because expressing them had people looking at me strangely.
Sensiko can read my face...even when it is blank...but then again she is another INFJ and we live together, so that may have something to do with it...lol.
I've never been good at hiding my emotions, they all come out through my facial expression. Though I also have long hair and put my head down whenever I had a telling facial expression. It is a kind of reflex; I'm not sure how it started, but became a noticeable problem when I cut all my hair off. I have since grown my hair back out -for more reasons than just that one of course, but I still think it's pretty funny that that was one of the reasons.
I am expressive but I've also learned how to keep it under wraps. I do have a little poker face sometimes but it's not intentional. However, I was pretty much the person who'd wear their heart on their sleeves. Now, I'm a little more guarded so I'm more careful how expressive I am. I usually keep my feelings under wraps unless I know someone well or feel comfortable with the person.
This is very much like me! I would say that I wear my positive emotions like nothing else- you can always tell when I'm happy and excited. However, I tend to try and hide my negative emotions...which may or may not work.
I'm probably moderately expressive. Unless I'm just in a crabby mood I like to be light hearted and pleasant toward people in general and I think that tends to show through my face with attentive eyes, a slight smile lingering on the lips, and with raised eyebrows. I have wrinkles already on my forehead from all the abusive years of eyebrow raising, lol. My smiles can be seen in my eyes. I talk with my hands a lot. I've struggled with my extroverted feeling for years, fearing criticism from other males and females alike. I like to smile and make eye contact with people, even strangers, but I cannot tell you enough how many people mistake that for flirtation. I can tell nearly right away if someone is unresponsive to it, or if I'm making them uncomfortable. It saddens me because I'm just being friendly.
Also, it depends on how well I know the people I'm with and what their personality is. If the people I'm around are very emotionally open, then I feel I can naturally be more expressive, but if I'm around people who are emotionally closed off, even if I know them well, I will not emote very much as all. I don't emote much at all around certain males in my family because they just aren't comfortable around that much emotion.
Oh man! The eye brow raising!! I can raise the one, and then both, uh I give myself a headache sometimes, lol... And yeah, I can't make eye contact unless I'm purposely flirting. My friends will call me on it. It's still uncomfortable for me.
Funny you mention this because even if I'm fine or in a contented mood, people would sometimes think something was wrong. So, I had to learn to be more facially expressive just to prevent people from asking me if something is wrong with me. It was the oddest thing to deal with for a long time. I had to learn to "show" them I was happy to make them feel I was ok. Maybe it's the culture where I am, but if you don't have a perpetual smile on, people think you're upset.
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lol
[video=youtube;gEemh4iKr4w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEemh4iKr4w[/video]
Also about eye contact, I never used to be able to do it. It took me years to look people in the eyes, as I was very shy and unconfident, but I knew I always wanted to and built up to it gradually. Now I'm comfortable doing it, and prefer it, unless I'm nervous around the person, like those who have that cold, hard look. You should give it a try, well you don't have to, but it builds an understanding between people.
lol
[video=youtube;gEemh4iKr4w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEemh4iKr4w[/video]
Also about eye contact, I never used to be able to do it. It took me years to look people in the eyes, as I was very shy and unconfident, but I knew I always wanted to and built up to it gradually. Now I'm comfortable doing it, and prefer it, unless I'm nervous around the person, like those who have that cold, hard look. You should give it a try, well you don't have to, but it builds an understanding between people.
Really I just don't keep eye contact with my friends lol as weird as that may sound. They look at me endearingly and my sexuality is pretty prominent and I'll go about misconstruing the meaning and as I feel a need to respect and love who they are I can't let myself think of them that way.
Besides that if I look at people when I'm rambling their face distracts me from my point so I'll look away at anything and everything else, glancing at them when I make a certain point and it's usually an intense facial expression lol that I get called on a lot.
So I do make eye contact and come off very confident, as I am *shrugs* but I cannot make eye contact with certain people in my life as it is too sexual for me in my own little world.
I do have to admit, eye contact can easily become sexual for me as well, especially if the female responds very warmly or looks intensely into my eyes, or I found her suddenly attractive. I can feel if there is a mutual attraction. There is a fine line for sure and I'm careful not to cross it. If I feel the eye contact is becoming sexual then I tend to look away because being married I'm not looking for another relationship.
I do think that I am very expessive generally and I definitly do the eyebrow raising. I have a funny picture of myself doing that at my son and you can't mistake what I am saying by my expression. I never realized how obvious it was when I did that until I saw that picture.
However, in certain circumstances when I feel it is important I can keep a very neutral expression when my feelings are not neutral at all. This would be with people I have to be careful with in expressing myself (either because I can't trust them, they are people who get easily overwhelmed by other people's feelings, or I feel they need to be protected from my real feelings) or in very difficult circumstances where I believe that remaining calm, neutral and in control of myself is important for the wellbeing of the others around me.
However, in certain circumstances when I feel it is important I can keep a very neutral expression when my feelings are not neutral at all. This would be with people I have to be careful with in expressing myself (either because I can't trust them, they are people who get easily overwhelmed by other people's feelings, or I feel they need to be protected from my real feelings) or in very difficult circumstances where I believe that remaining calm, neutral and in control of myself is important for the wellbeing of the others around me.
See! And being gay I get myself in trouble all the time..! With men you have to tell them that you will never sleep with them in a flat factual way else there's that always lingering thought. Even though there usually is regardless, they wont act on it if they know for sure I don't want it. And that sucks too cause I gravitate more towards men. I didn't grow up pretending I was a fair princess, as I have recently remembered women do since the pharmacist at Walmart showed me her wedding dress and specifically said, "Can't-not pretend you're a fair princess like when you were a little girl." I was He-Man when I was a little girl! Lol so yeah, all of these things get me in trouble.
The thing is that I'm not the usual INFJs. I have never had a problem of finding my identity or my true self, or the need to express my individuality by emotions. I'm mostly detached from my emotions, I keep them in control. I sometimes become self-conscious, and then on my face appear a easy shy grin, that makes me really nervous.
I can be very expressive, with lively facial expressions. But usually I'm not like that, because...it's complicated. All I can say is that I learned is better by all means to be a more 'sober' or 'stoic' kind of person, at least in formal situations. In these situation, I just give polite smiles, strong eye contact and a very politeful manner of behaviour and speech.
But with friends, I let go of myself, and you wouldn't recognise me as a "serious" person. I sometimes have a energy that can compete with my ENTJ friend energy. Then I'm in the mood for doing crazy things (and possibly stupid things). Of course, it doesn't last forever, like my friend ENTJ would. Too bad, because all I can say is that when I have high energy, I feel unstopable.
I can be very expressive, with lively facial expressions. But usually I'm not like that, because...it's complicated. All I can say is that I learned is better by all means to be a more 'sober' or 'stoic' kind of person, at least in formal situations. In these situation, I just give polite smiles, strong eye contact and a very politeful manner of behaviour and speech.
But with friends, I let go of myself, and you wouldn't recognise me as a "serious" person. I sometimes have a energy that can compete with my ENTJ friend energy. Then I'm in the mood for doing crazy things (and possibly stupid things). Of course, it doesn't last forever, like my friend ENTJ would. Too bad, because all I can say is that when I have high energy, I feel unstopable.
I hide my emotions from everyone, parents included. Every relationship I've had I was accused of being cold/distant/withholding/non-affectionate. Like someone else said - they learned to be this way and the same with me, I was told at an early age that I was too sensitive and to toughen up and so in the back of my mind showing feelings = I'm a sissy, there's something wrong with me. I imagine boys hear the same sort of thing when they're young so they will grow up to be "men" but anyway, I wonder if naturally INFJ's are inclined to be expressive with emotions? If they are not taught to be otherwise? I've heard people before say INFJ's should be because they have Fe, but I believe Fe is picking up on the feelings of others, not expression of your own, but I may be wrong on that.
Usually, INFJs and INFPs, ENFJs and ENFPs have the richest range of emotions. I can speak about how I see emotions in the INFJs field, and of course, as my personal view.
INFJs have rich and deep emotions, but compared to ENFJs for example, they are prone to reflection with their emotions.
And I think you're right, Fe is outwardly turned, but INFJs are introspective with their feelings because of their Ni, which is Introverted.
This, introspection, is a very fine natural inclination for the arts and emotional expressivity, especially when is in a healthy state. The artist express what he feels, and what he feels tries to make it deeper, richer, reflective and philosophical. That is his natural inclination, to contemplate, to learn from his feelings.
I'm the same way. I grew up in a house where my parents tried to control they way I felt and wouldn't allow negative emotions, so I learned how to hide how I feel. This has made it very difficult for me to form close relationships with other people since I come across as "cold" and "distant". I've tried to be more open and vulnerable to form closer friendships, but the habit of hiding is so ingrained I almost physically can't. And I think you're right about Fe--since our Feeling function is outward focused, we concentrate more on other people's feelings. INFPs, with Fi, are generally better are expressing how they feel. But INFJs feel better when they can express themselves; not doing so can lead to feeling depressed or detached.