Are you close with both of your parents? | INFJ Forum

Are you close with both of your parents?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Scientia, Nov 26, 2014.

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  1. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    Recently, I have met a relatively good number of INFPs both male and female and discovered I know one INFJ female. There is a common thread with many of us INFx people that I have noticed: we are all closer to one parent because the other parent is unreliable in some way.

    Are you close with both parents? If not, why? Just curious.
     
    #1 Scientia, Nov 26, 2014
    Last edited: May 28, 2015
  2. SpecialEdition

    SpecialEdition Well-known member

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    I am not close to either of my parents. Actually I am not close to any of my family and would not consider myself to be close to many people at all.
     
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  3. sassafras

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    I'm neither estranged from nor close with my parents. My relationship with either one of them is unpredictable. Some days are good, some days are bad. I've learned very quickly not to trust them with much of the deep stuff. One has a hair-trigger temper that sensationalizes, the other is a ball of anxiety that sees the glass half empty. Both seem incapable of seeing a situation for what it is; it is always ten times worse. Coming to them with a problem that needs solving (no matter how innocuous) will give you white hairs. Sometimes they will even find problems where you didn't consider there to be any.

    They do not do this maliciously, of course, so its difficult for me to fault them. They have their children's best interests at heart and after all the nonsensical yelling and hand-flailing is done, they will do everything in their power to help you. But honestly, it's not always worth the stress. Both my brother and I have become remarkably self-sufficient as a result.
     
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    #3 sassafras, Nov 27, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2014
  4. Green Seas

    Green Seas Regular Poster

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    I won't mention gender for the sake of privacy so I'll just say they.

    One of my parents thinks we're close and we are, but not as much as they seem to believe.

    The other knows we're not close and I don't think that parent particularly cares. I'm sure they care about me but neither of us are particularly open or talkative.
     
  5. nosferatu

    nosferatu Community Member

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    Mom is INTJ. She's my think tank. We are very close!
     
  6. Quill

    Quill Newbie

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    Super close to my ESFJ mum. Our shared Fe keeps us tight as glue!
    Less close with my ISTJ dad. Less emotion makes connection a bit of a challenge, but he is the best for practical advice.
     
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  7. barbad0s

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    One time things got to a point to where a team of social workers were set on getting my family to give me up for foster care, but it was not feasible financially to do so in the end.

    Honestly I don't even want to reproduce if I have the chance because I know that within my genetic profile are the shittiest genes ever. Recently I've been wondering if my family life has been the result of some kind of conspiracy experiment, like for trying to produce manchurian candidates.
     
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  8. ruji

    On Holiday

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    NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
     
  9. Elegant Winter

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    I have peaceful relationships with my parents, but not really close. We're all feelers and dislike conflict. There's a high degree of harmony. On the surface, anyway. I think most opinions or beliefs that would lead to conflict are reserved and eventually evaporate. Someone accepts something and poof goes the potential conflict. Which may or may not be good, depending on the thing being accepted.

    I'm a little closer with my mom. She's an INFP with a beautiful imagination and her writing is inspiring. Very fluid, colorful and meaningful. I admire her and when a friendship or relationship doesn't work out I lean on her a little emotionally. I appreciate her and support her in return when I can. But even then we're not really that close. She's reliable in that her ideals and beliefs don't fluctuate much and she follows what she feels confidently and consistently.

    I've always felt a little distant from my dad. He's an ESFJ. He's very reliable in some ways (his sense of right and wrong mainly), but not so reliable in others. I have a habit of questioning things (mainly myself). As a strong sensor I feel he mainly accepts things as they are without questioning them much, unless there's a direct conflict with his sense of right and wrong. He mainly adapts. I value shaping my own ideals and beliefs, even if they're not the best for me socially or financially, etc. But he changes when it benefits him in those ways. Now, he doesn't change so much that he's not himself or anything, but I think for him there's a lot of space for abandoning ideals, beliefs or perspectives and adopting more beneficial or helpful ones (for a specific situation or person). Which is a good trait in many ways, but it's not something I fully approve of as it's simply not what I believe is right. That being said, I still respect him. We're just very different in how we interact with others and society in general. So in that way he's unreliable. Inconsistent or even adaptable might be more accurate though. Either way, I'm a little hesitant to trust him completely.
     
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    #9 Elegant Winter, Nov 27, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2014
  10. Y0u

    Y0u Community Member

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    I'm close to most all of my family.
     
  11. flower

    flower
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    I'm mostly close with my mom and little brother. Not close with dad at all... Our relationship is very cold and distant.
     
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  12. just me

    just me GONE

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    I was close to three out of four of my parents. Divorce: both remarried.
     
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  13. Growing up I was never close to either of my parents....3 months before my dad died we became quite close. Always struggled with my relationship with my mum (she has openly said that out of my siblings that I was probably the most rebellious...and I agree!). However things have now dramatically changed in the last couple of years - we are close because we're both making an effort to understand each other (I am beginning to feel understood for who I am) - it's amazing! :)
     
  14. OP
    Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    Wonderful! It's nice to hear that you are closer to mum now but sorry that your dad passed.
     
  15. Delta

    Delta Community Member

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    All three are dead (I have a stepdad involved in the equation)

    I did not know my biological dad and wasn't close to either my mum or stepfather. Noteworthy; I was removed into care. I have siblings on my dad's side who are American but I am scared of how alike we are.

    I only like my favourite brother out of my siblings. We are the same.

    Funny, I could survive perfectly well if there was a meteor strike which wiped out most of the population such is my level of self sufficiency - but still people really like me irl. They tell me EVERYTHING!

    I have one daughter who I have given up on now and don't contact anymore because I can't be doing with her shit and another who I get on really well with.
     
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  16. Molvas

    Molvas Regular Poster

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    This is how I am,i try to be close to people but cant be I always feel so different from everyone,which I guess I am im a male buddist atheist liberal vegetarian hippie,and I find it hard to connect with people im peaceful and non violent,i always liked to read since I was a child I don't watch tv I try to exercise and improve myself every day and appreciate life.i never liked any tradtional sports growing up and im really into science and understanding things.People like me a lot and always come to me and tell me there problems and I always try to help them and give them positive advice.my parents and me are completely different people and there is very little I have in common with either of them.im sorta of close to my siblings im closer to my sister then my brother though shes a ISTP and my brother is an INTJ and is closed off and doesn't like talking at all and says I talk to much and im to needy.My dad a INTP and we don't get along at all,I sort of get along with my mother but shes very introverted and is content to not talk to others at all and enjoys working.

    Im the most extroverted person in my family and its dead silent when ever ones home and everyone shuts themselves in there rooms and doesn't want to communicate,when I try to talk to anyone they just ignore me and I end up retreating to my room with no one to talk to,im just happy at my job I get to talk to people all the time and sometimes at college I chat with people,i have many people that like and admire me but few close friends and no enemies.
     
  17. Sinji

    Sinji Regular Poster

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    Close with both parents in different ways. Dad is ENTP and we lile to argue but in a friendly rational way. I always win because he spins shit I argue with the facts. My mum is INFP and she is the one that gives emotional support although I never ask for it. I fight with my brother like crazy. He is INTP. We have come close to killing each other a few times. I know how to push his buttons. My Sister is INFP as well as my mum. She is far more emotional and I have considered she may even be INFJ . Who knows. My youngest sister is ESFP. We get along the best it could be because we have the same functions only backwards. Who knows. Generally over all though I get along well with them all. As good as any family or maybe even a bit better than most.
     
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  18. BrokenDaniel

    Infraction Bin

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    Used to be closer to my dad as a kid, but now not at all, we don't even see each other, and i have no shame in admiting that i don't like him at all.There's a long history behind my disgust towards him though. I try to keep a respectful distance, and we talk like twice a week. He's an ENFJ.
    With my mother, it's distant too, we never "got" each other that much. She doesn't get my jokes, and i can't stand her for too long without feeling that she's acting condescending and patronizing. However, we can talk now, and i respect her regardless of everything. She's an ISFJ.
    As for my brother, we get along great. He's an ISFP.
     
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  19. Vict

    Vict mechanical and habitual agent
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    Bad time of year for this thread. Or best time.

    No, not really close. I think about that a lot. Mainly, that they'll take it personally. Every one of us gets caught up in thought, lately including my father, the most action-oriented and direct of us. Lots of thought, little expression.

    This story about the death of an estranged sibling comes to mind when I think of the distance. Just kind of sad and straight forward. Life goes on.

    http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/10/28/now-we-are-five
     
  20. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    I'm definitely closer with my mom. She was always willing to listen to my wild ideas, theories and thoughts. My mom is probably ISFJ and my dad ISTJ. My dad a lot more S than my mom though.
    He's simpler. Likes stuff like sports or cars, he's very smart though, did university and works at a high position in some government agency. He's just not so much into abstract idea stuff and I am. My little bro is much better at sports than I am, so I can see he spends more time there with him. Anyway now I'm making progress in my study (that has strong governmental links) we chat about that stuff occasionally. I definitely know (now I've moved out) that he likes having me around when I'm back home. Same for my mom. Seems they miss me more than I miss them, but that's only natural I guess.

    So yeah I'm closer to my mom. Could be because she's more open to N stuff than my dad. Not that I'm super-close to my mom or don't do/talk stuff with my dad.
     
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