Are INFJs good partners for INFJs?

[Kelly]

My boyfriend just took the type test and got INFJ (I'm also INFJ) and in afraid he may have skewed some answers because that's what he wanted (the same as mine). I don't think he is INFJ at all but I suppose he may be. I'm just wondering how well INFJs can work with themselves. I'm really wondering because INFJs, like me, put lots of importance on being understood and such but he doesn't understand me at all. So are INFJs supposed to be able to understand other INFJs?

 

[Scientia]

If you think he skewed the answers just to be like you, my guess would be that he might be infp or enfp. I don't know if infj/infj relationships work out because infj males are so incredibly rare and I had not met any before a few months ago. Because they are so rare, this is another reason to wonder if your bf is actually infj. I can say that the infj guy I am closest to on this forum and the one infj I know irl are probably the closest to understanding me in general. It is intoxicating to have someone finally understand what makes me tick but I have no idea if that would last for the long term. It is definitely a recipe for long lasting friendship and perhaps, initial attraction.

 

[Kelly]

I honestly don't think he's infj, especially now that I think about it because when I'm struggling with going through my feelings(what a chore am I right?) he never understands how to help me through that. I have a couple other friends (a girl who's ISFJ and a guy who wouldn't take the test) and the girl understands perfectly every time and has experienced the feeling in some way and the guy just understand how to work me through things by asking the right questions and such. But my boyfriend doesn't even understand that he doesn't understand and gets upset when I don't tell him what I'm feeling (most of the time I don't know or understand what I'm feeling yet). I feel like a fellow INFJ would at least sympathize toward that.

 

[Scientia]

Definitely, he would.

 

[Dave Fallon]

Yeah, I think [MENTION=12050]TooShyToSay[/MENTION] is right that INFJs can figure out other INFJs, even if they can't figure out themselves. Two introverts also could provide the kind of intimacy without the threat of exposure that introvert/extrovert couples may face.

But, two INFJs together would each have Fe as their secondary function, meaning they would probably need each other to support themselves. This could work out beautifully, or it could work out awfully... Also, INFJs tend to hold those very close to them to the same perfectionist standards that they hold themselves to, and if those standards differ between two INFJs, then there could be trouble. Finally, while INFJs could probably understand one another and hopefully support each other's emotional needs, they also tend to gravitate or even obsess over a particular subject or theory, and if two INFJs get together but don't match in their interests, it could be difficult balancing the need to be together physically and the need to be apart intellectually.

When you're young and trying to figure out whether the person you are with is "the one", using MBTI might help you understand your own needs better, but be careful about using it to understand your partners', especially if they don't want to take the test honestly or don't really care about it. You should judge them based on who they are before what type they are. Then, if your boyfriend does not understand you and you feel you need to be understood, you probably already know the answer as to whether your current BF is "the one".

One other point: I'm nearly 40 years old now and I can say no one, not one person in my life has ever really understood me, no matter how much I tried and no matter how close I got to them. I think this may be part of the curse of being an INFJ: the constant need to be understood at a level but the inability to express yourself at that level. I have decided that I do not need complete understanding from those with me (and that took me a long time to decide) and I've found I'm happier for it. If I really couldn't be with anyone unless they really understood me, I'd probably be alone my whole life.

 

[Kelly]

He says he read about INFJ and he really thinks he is one but I'm still not so sure. I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

 

[Scientia]

He says he read about INFJ and he really thinks he is one but I'm still not so sure. I'm not sure how to handle this situation.

You are young. He is probably scared that you will break up with him over this and was willing to lie to stay with you. If you want to stay with him, reassure him.

 

[littlemissmaya]

just give it time, use your intuition to sense if he is not being honest with you. you are still young - try to enjoy life first and develop your relationship with him without actively thinking about your mbti types' compatibility or incompatibility. then ditch him if you are confident that he does not deserve your love and your trust.