Man that's too bad. I have been around kids like that and it usually don't end up good. I hate having to discipline my kids. It sucks! I remember being a kid and saying "When I have kids I am never gonna yell at them". Well the ignorance of youth huh. I now understand that if you truly love your kids you have to protect them from themselves. It's that simple for me.
Annoying Kids
- Thread starter HenRick
- Start date
Man that's too bad. I have been around kids like that and it usually don't end up good. I hate having to discipline my kids. It sucks! I remember being a kid and saying "When I have kids I am never gonna yell at them". Well the ignorance of youth huh. I now understand that if you truly love your kids you have to protect them from themselves. It's that simple for me.
S
Shai Gar
S
Shai Gar
In Australia if kids get a spanking they are taken off their parents by social services. Even if it is just for discipline.
S
Shai Gar
When I was little, I used to laugh shoot my mouth off even more when I got spanked. I know nothing of these lines that you speak of.
I think there are a lot of consequences to how one raises children, both through discipline and leading by example. Think of what happens when you are eating and you give a dog a scrap of food off your plate while you are still eating -- he will learn to stare at you and beg while you are eating. Too often people take shortcuts that do not work out well. A parent who spanks a child as a primary punishment may teach that child to hit in order to gain attention and respect, and a parent who yells at a child will find that they must gradually increase their yelling dosage as the child begins to develop a tolerance to it -- to the point where the parent must constantly yell at their children in order to get them to do anything. Overall I'd advocate for respect and consistency rather than fear and shame.
I'm pretty decent at taking care of other peoples kids for the reason is that i'm affectionate AND authoritative (watch 'the dog whisperer' and you will understand how and where to apply authority) without letting my buttons get pushed, and respectful to even unruly children, trying to talk to them on some level in between mine and theirs -- and the punishments I administer are only as strong as it needs to be. If i've been around a kid long enough he knows exactly what to expect if he acts up. And in situations where the morality is not understood, I will try to explain the 'why' -- simply because when I was a kid, I wanted to know why certain rules existed -- but felt deprived and resentful towards adults who would not explain it. If a child sincerely believes I am acting in his best interest he is more likely to follow me.
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And so he advances yet does not seek fame.
He retreats yet does not avoid blame.
He seeks only to preserve the people, and his advantage accords with that of the ruler.
He is the treasure of the state.
He looks upon the troops as his children.
Thus they can venture into deep river valleys with him.
He looks upon the troops as his beloved sons.
Thus they can die together with him.
He is generous yet unable to lead.
He is loving yet unable to give orders.
He is chaotic and unable to bring order.
They are like spoiled children. They cannot be employed
~ Sun Tzu, The Art of War (Denma Translation) -- Chapter 10: Forms of the Earth
I'm pretty decent at taking care of other peoples kids for the reason is that i'm affectionate AND authoritative (watch 'the dog whisperer' and you will understand how and where to apply authority) without letting my buttons get pushed, and respectful to even unruly children, trying to talk to them on some level in between mine and theirs -- and the punishments I administer are only as strong as it needs to be. If i've been around a kid long enough he knows exactly what to expect if he acts up. And in situations where the morality is not understood, I will try to explain the 'why' -- simply because when I was a kid, I wanted to know why certain rules existed -- but felt deprived and resentful towards adults who would not explain it. If a child sincerely believes I am acting in his best interest he is more likely to follow me.
----
And so he advances yet does not seek fame.
He retreats yet does not avoid blame.
He seeks only to preserve the people, and his advantage accords with that of the ruler.
He is the treasure of the state.
He looks upon the troops as his children.
Thus they can venture into deep river valleys with him.
He looks upon the troops as his beloved sons.
Thus they can die together with him.
He is generous yet unable to lead.
He is loving yet unable to give orders.
He is chaotic and unable to bring order.
They are like spoiled children. They cannot be employed
~ Sun Tzu, The Art of War (Denma Translation) -- Chapter 10: Forms of the Earth
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I definitely agree with you, but I can say that it's not nearly as easy to get someone else's kids to mind as it is to get your own kids to mind. I used to feel the same way you do, because I've always been successful at getting other people's kids to respect and mind me, even if they weren't like that with their parents. But, kids are more willing to test the boundaries with their parents and any other "primary" caregiver. ALSO, there are many kids that don't give a shit about the reasons and expectations - some people are born with the instinct to do what they want and fuck everything else.
I think you have to use fear and shame, at least for some children. People should learn shame. Look at these girls on the "Girls Gone Wild" videos and the celebutards. Their parents obviously didn't teach them shame. They flash their snatches to the world (free of charge, no less) while they know their parents, grandparents, etc. will see the commercials on TV and seem to not care. I have enough respect for my parents and grandparents that I would never want them to be embarrassed to have me as a child. With that said...I actually think that respect and shame go together.
Experience will teach children what is right and wrong. They must be conditioned though; there are many motivations that can be used to make sure a child doesn't turn out to be a bad teenager or adult.
Raising a child does require an expenditure in time and proper care: I am surprised that more parents don't take this responsibility more seriously.
Raising a child does require an expenditure in time and proper care: I am surprised that more parents don't take this responsibility more seriously.
Spoken like a true INFJ! You're probably right. I'm a fan of 'least necessary force' which takes into account the variables of the situation -- in which case the caregiver needs to exert a large amount of force at a given time, yet can get away with exerting a gentler amount of force where he senses other variables of the problem may be different.
As an example I have 3 nieces: QT (oldest, ISFJ, 9 years), TM (middle, (I?)TP, 6 years) and TA (smallest, IJ, 3 years).
QT is the most responsible one and is extremely good at listening to adults. TM is more free spirited and tomboyish. Usually QT, TM and TA would stay in the same room but QT recently got her own room. I had observed what would happen when I asked the girls to clean their rooms before. QT would do all the work and TM would be bounding around and never able to focus.
When QT got her own room, it became TM's responsibility to keep her room decently clean. I realized in order to do this I would have to confine TM to her room, saying she can come out when it was clean -- so I did so and she was so unhappy she was crying, and it hurt me to hear her cry but I had to be strict and keep her in her room for several minutes. When I seen she was finally starting to make an effort I offered to help her, and did a half the work for her, showing her where everything should go, and how to sweep and pick up garbage. Overall it took 40 minutes from the time I confined her, to the time we both finished. The second time I had to use less force and she listened to me and started cleaning almost right away, consequently I had to help her less as she knew mostly what to do. I'm confident that if her parents used the same methodology it would be easy for TM to clean her room.
Maybe if I had my own kids it would not be so easy I just think that if I had kids I would be a decent parent.
Parents, Talk to Your Kids More
My father wasn't around to discipline me. My mother used whipping and intimidation to straighten me out. She was and this is the meanest person I know.
I don't have any children, but most of the kids I know including my neices and little cousins are starving for attention. I always imagine that as a parent, I would like to include my children in some of the activities that we would routinely do, such as grocery shopping, household chores; in other words, give them some sort of responsibility that they would keep them busy sometimes. Also, I find that most parents don't talk to their kids enough. Everytime I visit my seven-year old neice, I ask her how everything in school? She wants to cook, so I encourage her by telling her my favorite meal.
My father wasn't around to discipline me. My mother used whipping and intimidation to straighten me out. She was and this is the meanest person I know.
I don't have any children, but most of the kids I know including my neices and little cousins are starving for attention. I always imagine that as a parent, I would like to include my children in some of the activities that we would routinely do, such as grocery shopping, household chores; in other words, give them some sort of responsibility that they would keep them busy sometimes. Also, I find that most parents don't talk to their kids enough. Everytime I visit my seven-year old neice, I ask her how everything in school? She wants to cook, so I encourage her by telling her my favorite meal.