An inner prison?

I've built walls around myself. They don't keep others out, they only keep me in. Pretty much an inner prison.

 

People have commented that I have these walls of which you speak of.. I'm not really conscious of it. I don't build them intentionally. I think mostly it is the result of seeing the futility in making myself understood to others, so I focus on understanding myself.
I consider them inner refuge.

 

It doesn't bother me for the most part. As long as the basic important people get me: Mom, brother, boyfriend-- I'm good. In cases such as those, I make it a point to make sure I'm understood.

I just don't have the energy for many people, and I don't feel the need to be accepted by the masses.

 

I'd secretly evaluate their every word and move until I determined that it was safe to let them in. Then, I might volunteer some information about myself that I usually wouldn't, and if they are receptive and probe further I will let them swim around in my brain as much as they want.

Heheh.. On second thought, maybe I am sorta conscious of those walls..since I'm so strategic about who's in and who's not.

 

You said that you build walls and as a result, you are clingy with the people that you do let in. How do you know who to become attached to?

 

Do you think that's something that is good for you? That's prob. a dumb question. I mean, have you ever thought about not living like that and how you could manage to do it?

 

In the beginning the inner wall was to protect people from knowing too much. For if they knew much they would have more power over me.

I used to enjoy being a mystery as that gave me power over them as I knew more and more about them and they still knew little of me.

However I learned that if you have confidence in the depth and beauty of your heart you would know that you'd still be a mystery no matter what. Also I came to the thought if you really were as beautiful and special as you thought you were it'd be a shame not the let the world see.

Now a days I keep my inner wall up for people who aren't ready to see who I am. For if they see who I truly am they might become angered as they realize how much of who they really are (which has happened multiple times).

So now I use my walls to slowly let people understand who I am instead of a full blast.



I don't think all walls have to be prisons. However when you let your walls prevent you from doing what your hopes and dreams desire that is the time when it becomes one.

It's often best to be to turn a negative into the positive and all you have to do is truly believe.

Because most things are not inherently good or evil but often up to you to decide; perspective changes things.

 

Well, I used to be similiar. I used to rely on other people for my emotional stability or just to make me feel good and safe. I was really clingy. Then I started thinking that I was tired of the roller coaster because usually, people are unreliable. Besides, people have their own lives to live and they can't be there for me every five seconds. (That's what I started thinking.)

There's a concept called, "healthy detachment" that I began to practice. I would still love the people that I let into my inner world, I'd still be concerned for them, yet I would be able to let them go. It took a lot of focus and I had to keep reminding myself that just because I let this person into my inner world doesn't mean that I have some claim on them and make them a prisoner of my inner world.

 

Hit the little white scale underneath where it says power in his post.

 

Yeah, if it works for you then do it. I just mean that when I was in my clingy stage, I was really unhappy. But to each their own.