I think that consent to have sex and consent to get married are two very very different things. 15 seems a reasonable age, to me, for a young person to engage in a sexual life. Some people may start earlier. I wasnt interested until i was 16, which also happens to be the age of consent where i live. A 16 year old can be charged with statutory rape if he/she has consensual sex with a 15 year old here- that seems pretty stupid to me. In my experience, most young teenagers are interested in people their own age, rather than those that are considerably older.
Older people may find teenagers attractive and teenagers may find older people attractive. It is what it is- not good or bad. If two people consent to have sex, then thats up to them. But obviously, there's going to be maturity and developmental differences. Life experience can make the world of difference. However, maturity is a very personal and idiosyncratic thing- everyone matures differently.
Where it gets tricky is when relationships and 'marriage' become involved. While i can easily justify two 15 year olds trying to have a relationship, i find it less acceptable for a 15 year old to have a relationship with someone much older. This is because i assume there will be an incompatibility of experience and that the 15 year old could get taken advantage of, or find themselves in a different style of parent/child relationship without ever having the grace period to just grow and become aware of themselves as an individual. Of course, this really does depend on the individuals involved. But generally speaking, i think there is potential for this situation to adversely effect the younger party.
In my opnion, i think it would be better for young people to only engage in casual relationships. I would encourage them to make lots of friends, date, have sex if they really want to, but be hesistant to become involved in any kind of serious committed sexual relationship. For me, the 'ideal' is to have an idea of yourself, who you are, what you want, and become relatively independant before choosing to commit yourself to another. That way when when people do enter a relationship its because they've chosen to, rather than something they've just fallen into. And there is less chance of the relationship becoming codependant or parisitic. Too many people get into relationships because they feel insecure and want to depend on someone else, or they want to derive their sense of self worth/vailidity from another. Or because they are just fumbling around trying to understand who they are and dont want to be alone. Or because they just want to have regular sex. Personally, i dont believe that this is healthy.
I also believe that children should be taught about healthy communication and relationships at school, from an early age. No child should believe that it is acceptable for them to be verbally, emotionally, psychologically or physically abused, either by their parents, other authority figures or their peers. Children should be taught to think critically, to question and assess data. And learn how to be self aware, how to listen to others and how to be heard themselves. And ideally, all children should have someone they can be completely honest with, who will not judge them, someone the child can trust and confide in. Because the saddest thing that happens is not necessarily that a child is harmed/abused, but that the child has no one in his/her life that she/he can trust enough to confide in so that the child can change the situation. This culture of shame and sexual repression can breed many problems and protect sexual perpertraters. And sexual health is an absolutely essential part of education; sexual health is crucial to the individual's health, the health of the community and the health of the future generation. Condoms and std tests save and preserve life. In truth, 'sexual health' should just be called 'health'.
Humans are sexual beings. Sex is the only reason we are here at all. Fucking makes the world go around. It is a natural drive. It starts fairly early in our lifespan; we have sexual urges before we reach emotional, psychological or physical maturity. This doesnt mean that we should ignore our sexual desires, that is repression and it is unhealthy. It doesnt mean we should go all out, this is bound to lead to abuse, confusion and mess. What we really need is some honesty, transperancy and proper communication. Younger people should be able to explore their sexuality in a safe and joyous way. Older generations should give younger people the space, grace, and guidance to mature and become independant, to become aware of themselves as individuals. As a culture, we should protect and preserve the right for young people to grow and mature without harassment and exploitation from older people.
And sex and relationships should be looked at more objectively and separately. When we bundle the two together we just get confusion, chaos, heart break and dysfunction. Just because people have sex does not mean that they are immediately in a relationship or should then have a relationship. Sex does not imply a close bond or instant intimacy. Sex should not necessarily be the primary reason that people have relationships. A healthy relationship is far more involved than just attraction and sex. True friendship, connection, understanding, communication and trust are the basis for a healthy relationship. Not just having a relaible fuck! We have some ridiculous ideas about sex and relationsips in our culture that result in many miserable people and many miserable people having children and then the cycle continuing again. Take some time to choose your mate. Take some time to choose before you have a sexual encounter and absolutely take as much time as you need before having a relationship. To all the men and women out there that complain about lack of committment from their lovers/partners- why on earth would you want to commit to someone that doesnt know if they want to committ to you? Dont you deserve someone that actually wants to comitt willingly? Doesnt that other person deserve the space to understand themselves better before they enter into an non voluntary obligation? This is someone that you are going to be investing a lot of time and energy into, a lot of yourself into! So think first, before you choose. You would think a lot before you jumped into a serious financial investment; relationships are so much more serious. Sex can be part of a healthy relationship, but sex, in itself, is not and should not be the basis of a functional relationship.
Which brings me to marriage. Marriage...Personally, i do not believe in marriage. As a concept i find it completely incompatible with my beliefs and values. However unhealthy i personally find it, i support the wish and the right of any two consenting adults to marry. Marriage is a contract, effectively a life long one. In times past it has been used for all sorts of cultural, societal, financial and religious reasons. This is definately not a contract that should just be based on sexual urges, or sexual maturity alone. Individuals that wish to sign this contract should consider physical, emotional, psychological and sexual maturity, as well as compatibility. This is a very important decision and committment that should not be entered onto lightly or ignorantly. It is much more serious than entering into a contract with a bank for 15 years to purchase a house, and can have much worse and longer lasting consequences. I dont really know what an appropriate marriageable age is. In my biased opinion, i would suggest atleast 25. But then again people are old enough to work and pay taxes at age 16. Thy can drive and in some places drink alcohol and shoot weapons and engage in war. Some people are more of less independant by the age of 16. I believe people should be allowed to vote at age 16. But i still have serious reservations about the wisdom of letting people under the age of 25 enter into marriage contracts.
