Adult Romance Genre Fiction

[Gaze]

I think sometimes the urgency is stronger for men but if a woman is relaxed, connected and open, multiple orgasms are possible and just about nothing on the planet feels better than that.

agree. I think the idea of the rushed, fast paced, frenetic pacing of sex is seen as more fulfilling and more likely to produce orgasms that are satisfying but for men more than women. I think women who feel lighter mood and more comfortable with their partner are more likely to experience multiples.
@invisible - Although many of the sex scenes are in adult romance fiction can be very intense and in reading, cause a reaction that simulates feelings of being turned on, the scenes are often difficult to connect with because although they write mostly for the female audience, they usually write the sex scenes (from a male's sexual standpoint) which means sex is almost always automatically stimulating simply because there is sex organ contact. There is no consideration for the woman's personality when sex scenes are described. There is no talk or discussion to learn preferences. The man almost always knows what the woman wants, and how to please her even if it's the first time they've had sex and she's a virgin. The sex must be satisfying in the same way for everyone woman. Having a strong desire for the person is always equated with good sex.

 

[invisible]

Although many of the sex scenes are in adult romance fiction can be very intense and in reading, cause a reaction that simulates feelings of being turned on, the scenes are often difficult to connect with because although they write mostly for the female audience, they usually write the sex scenes (from a male's sexual standpoint) which means sex is almost always automatically stimulating simply because there is sex organ contact. There is no consideration for the woman's personality when sex scenes are described. There is no talk or discussion to learn preferences. The man almost always knows what the woman wants, and how to please her even if it's the first time they've had sex and she's a virgin. The sex must be satisfying in the same way for everyone woman. Having a strong desire for the person is always equated with good sex.

i agree. the sex is pretty ridiculous. i usually find myself getting a laugh out of it. youre totally right that its not individual and theres no communication. everything just seems to automatically go amazing the first time. you never read anything like "ow! oops, sorry, that kind of hurt", its always more like "oh christ yes thats good" or something. for those of us who have been in long term relationships we know that generally, the sex goes better the better you know the person, and that you dont get to know them just by meeting them and having a pleasant little chit chat.

in the book im reading now, the main character makes friends with another woman who is having trouble with her new husband specifically because of poor communication, and once she knows that they need to communicate better, things in their bedroom improve dramatically. it was kind of a cool part of the book.

i think that the authors sometimes believe that their sex writing will not be as fantastic, or that it will break the fantasy, if their characters have to stop what theyre doing to negotiate. theyre wrong. its nice to be asked, "is this OK for you? are you comfortable?"

 

[invisible]

I think sometimes the urgency is stronger for men but if a woman is relaxed, connected and open, multiple orgasms are possible and just about nothing on the planet feels better than that.

sounds like fun. as a person with a male body experience i dont think i can really imagine what that would be like.

 

[invisible]

At first when I read this I thought What? How can one compare them? Then I thought "...well....women are able to have several varieties of orgasm....so perhaps men are indeed on the short end of the deal.

For years and years when I was with my ex-husband I could have multiples of orgasms of varying kinds. I am pretty sure my kundalini energy began rising with those intense sessions with him. My awareness of my physical body would explode into the cosmos and I felt totally dissolved into the All That Is. I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time - if you know what I mean - and I floated in Bliss. I'm thinking that could be where the author uses the shattering and splintering words to describe it.

I remember one of the last times he and I were together and after having many orgasms I lay there in bed in an altered state. I glanced over at his face as he lay there trying to recover from his orgasm and I saw a red tailed hawk hovering over his face with it's wings stretched out. Such a beautiful bird.... I was under the impression Hawk was one of his Spirit guides.

Anyway - when I talked with him about it he had no idea of what I was trying to tell him.

So do men have less of an orgasm experience than women? Of all the men I've been with...and there have been more than a few...I would have to agree that women CAN have better orgasms if they allow themselves to.

thanks for your response K. that was fascinating to read.

qualitatively different types of orgasms? i have no idea at all what that would be like. i think that male orgasms can vary in intensity, and it can be so intense that it is ALMOST like a different quality of experience, but i think it is not quite qualitatively different. i think that maybe the pleasure mechanism in the male body is just too inextricably biologically wired up to the evolutionary reproductive necessity. of course, thats not to say that the general sensory experience of sexual stimulation is without genuine qualitative variations, that different men experience uniquely - it isnt just a case of "up and off". but different types of orgasm for men? - i dont think so.

i think its very interesting to think about and discuss. once i raised this matter before on the forum and some male members seemed to become very defensive about the idea. im pretty comfortable myself with the idea that women could have better orgasms. after all, the female body also has to go through menstruation, which has got to be the most uncomfortable biological routine of a healthy human body ever, and is capable of the intense agony of childbirth. so really, i think im at peace with the biological deal i got.

 

[Gaze]

i agree. the sex is pretty ridiculous. i usually find myself getting a laugh out of it. youre totally right that its not individual and theres no communication. everything just seems to automatically go amazing the first time. you never read anything like "ow! oops, sorry, that kind of hurt", its always more like "oh christ yes thats good" or something. for those of us who have been in long term relationships we know that generally, the sex goes better the better you know the person, and that you dont get to know them just by meeting them and having a pleasant little chit chat.

in the book im reading now, the main character makes friends with another woman who is having trouble with her new husband specifically because of poor communication, and once she knows that they need to communicate better, things in their bedroom improve dramatically. it was kind of a cool part of the book.

i think that the authors sometimes believe that their sex writing will not be as fantastic, or that it will break the fantasy, if their characters have to stop what theyre doing to negotiate. theyre wrong. its nice to be asked, "is this OK for you? are you comfortable?"

I guess, these kinds of stories or books are never meant to be realistic, but meant to stimulate the imagination. It's probably a bit ridiculous on my part to expect realism of stories which are meant to be just that - mindless fantasy. It's not real, therefore holding it to some ideal of realism is not likely sensible. However, reading about a slow burn is sometimes more satisfying and lingers longer than reading about a quick dive into the flame. Sensuality is far more attractive and sustainable than intense passion which fizzles almost as quickly as it ignites.

 

[invisible]

I guess, these kinds of stories or books are never meant to be realistic, but meant to stimulate the imagination. It's probably a bit ridiculous on my part to expect realism of stories which are meant to be just that - mindless fantasy. It's not real, therefore holding it to some ideal of realism is not likely sensible. However, reading about a slow burn is sometimes more satisfying and lingers longer than reading about a quick dive into the flame. Sensuality is far more attractive and sustainable than intense passion which fizzles almost as quickly as it ignites.

well, i think its a compromise, it is not black and white. there is nothing wrong with people wanting to be entertained, wanting to escape the complications and endless work of everyday life and just pretend for a while that things can be simple and fun. that is what the genre is, its not literary, its generic. on the other hand, it does need to be believable to some extent. and the authors do usually really believe that they have something worthwhile to say about relationships and sex, that makes them believe in what they are doing. the author has to decide what their focus is, what they really want to achieve, the message that they want to get across, and how to make it still be a fantasy for the majority of readers. i find it really interesting to think about what an author really does want to say in a particular book, as i wrote about in my recent posts and Sugar Baby and Jaci Burton. but i probably wouldnt describe the balance of genre expectations and conventions with individual authorial intentions as mindless, no.

 

[invisible]

ps. either slow burn or intense passion can both be fun

 

[invisible]

also, forgot to mention, i read an awesome series by Molly O'Keefe. it goes like this
1. Can't Buy Me Love
2. Can't Hurry Love
3. Crazy Thing Called Love

the reason i read them is because the 3rd one won the Rita Contemporary Award for 2014. i am a huge contemporary fan. actually contemporary is ALL i read in romance. and i always read the Rita because the panel receives hundreds of entries for the title and i want to find out what they selected to be the best. so, i read the third one first, and it was great. after that, i read the second one, and it was so good that i read the first one as well.

i would recommend reading them in order though, because they do get better. i think you can actually see the author become more competent as she composes the books in this series. the last one is truly an awesome generic achievement, with some amazing characterisations that you can really get excited about. in particular there is a mature lady character. i love to read about a sophisticated character who is not a child, or who does not necessarily have her "whole life ahead" of her. i find this very true to life. and also very respectful. maybe it is a bit white trash of me to promulgate the maxim: "it aint over til the fat lady sings." but i truly believe that as long as youre alive, there is always more living to do, and it can always be better than it was before.

(anyway, i am white trash. im not ashamed.)

not sure how i would descibe the focus of the series. i think it is a fairly standard romance trope: girl has to overcome insecurities to understand that she is lovable. but although it is standard i never get tired of reading books about this idea. i love to see people "come into their own".

anyway, excellent written series, perfect for whiling away a few lazy sunday afternoons.

 

[invisible]

sometimes, when i read romance genre fiction, or when i talk about these things with my friends on the forum, i am sorrowful for my mother. when she was a kid, she had rape done on her countless times, and it damaged her sexuality in a way that cant be repaired. i feel so sad for my mother reading what you have to say about experiencing an orgasm, because i am certain that she has never had an orgasm experience, and cant ever have that experience. isnt that devastating? in romance, everyone can have an orgasm, but not in real life. that is so sorrowful, because it is their right as a human being to have that experience, it is an ability that they were born with.

some people would probably think that it is very weird to think about things like this regarding their parent. for me though, its not weird, and it does not mean a lack of boundaries with my parent. actually, i think that i have very good boundaries with my parent, because apart from the fact that i understand that she is my mother, i can also see that she is a person who has suffered. i wish that unbearable and destructive sufferings would never be inflicted on people in this world, but that is just the way that life is though. while we are alive, we just have to do the best we can to show people who have suffered at the hands of cruel people that they are better than what was done to them.

 

[Gaze]

sometimes, when i read romance genre fiction, or when i talk about these things with my friends on the forum, i am sorrowful for my mother. when she was a kid, she had rape done on her countless times, and it damaged her sexuality in a way that cant be repaired. i feel so sad for my mother reading what you have to say about experiencing an orgasm, because i am certain that she has never had an orgasm experience, and cant ever have that experience. isnt that devastating? in romance, everyone can have an orgasm, but not in real life. that is so sorrowful, because it is their right as a human being to have that experience, it is an ability that they were born with.

some people would probably think that it is very weird to think about things like this regarding their parent. for me though, its not weird, and it does not mean a lack of boundaries with my parent. actually, i think that i have very good boundaries with my parent, because apart from the fact that i understand that she is my mother, i can also see that she is a person who has suffered. i wish that unbearable and destructive sufferings would never be inflicted on people in this world, but that is just the way that life is though. while we are alive, we just have to do the best we can to show people who have suffered at the hands of cruel people that they are better than what was done to them.

Can't imagine what that must have been like for your mom. Everyone has the right to feel wanted without having their sense of self compromised or victimized. One of the great things about literature is that writers can address ssues of sexuality, including sexual confidence or experience, in a manner that can be cathartic. So, you're right, adult romantic fiction is not always mindless. Whether it's someone who's never had positive sexual experiences who seeks answers or hope that things can be better than they knew, or someone who wonders whether they're the only one who's ever had particular feelings or worries in love or relationships. Rape is a sensitive one, and likely changes how people see themselves in ways no one can really comprehend. I would assume no one can truly appreciate their value as a sexual being (not sex object) until you experience acceptance of self AND are treated as a valued and whole person. But someone doesn't need to have negative sexual experiences to experience emotional damage.

Similarly, being treated as a non-sexual person who can't or shouldn't believe they have any right to have sexual feelings or have those experiences because of some perceived physical or personality flaw or defect can be almost as destructive. Bullying and emotional abuse or dealing with family members with anger issues can make someone question their sexual identity. When you don't have a say in how you should feel, constantly under someone's rule of thumb, and you don't have the privileges or freedoms most have had as an adult, it's tough to feel you have right at all to any feelings of your own, especially feelings of being wanted. So, yeah, novels which address these feelings of insecurities can help someone handle these issues and work through emotional issues especially if there is no one in that person's life you understands.

 

[Kgal]

sometimes, when i read romance genre fiction, or when i talk about these things with my friends on the forum, i am sorrowful for my mother. when she was a kid, she had rape done on her countless times, and it damaged her sexuality in a way that cant be repaired. i feel so sad for my mother reading what you have to say about experiencing an orgasm, because i am certain that she has never had an orgasm experience, and cant ever have that experience. isnt that devastating? in romance, everyone can have an orgasm, but not in real life. that is so sorrowful, because it is their right as a human being to have that experience, it is an ability that they were born with.

some people would probably think that it is very weird to think about things like this regarding their parent. for me though, its not weird, and it does not mean a lack of boundaries with my parent. actually, i think that i have very good boundaries with my parent, because apart from the fact that i understand that she is my mother, i can also see that she is a person who has suffered. i wish that unbearable and destructive sufferings would never be inflicted on people in this world, but that is just the way that life is though. while we are alive, we just have to do the best we can to show people who have suffered at the hands of cruel people that they are better than what was done to them.

I agree it is devastating to not ever experience orgasms and I'm truly sorry for your Mother for having to endure violence instead of what is normally reserved for one of life's ultimate pleasures. Pass on a hug to her from me via you.

I think it's a mark of emotional maturity when one can view their parent as a person...as a human being....who has lived their own life.
Namaste'

 

[invisible]

[MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION] & [MENTION=1669]Gist[/MENTION] thanks for the kind words

 

[invisible]

"...which was why it could never happen again."

famous last words! i love reading the stock phrases. its like listening to a catchy chorus repeat in a pop song. and its so ridiculous it always makes me smile.

 

[invisible]

the Play-By-Play series im reading by Jaci Burton continues to be interesting. im up to book 3. the villain of the first book became the heroine of the second book, and the hero of the first book was the villain of the second book, which was pretty interesting. actually i really liked that because the characters were not REALLY badly intentioned, they just had to come to terms with their differences. sometimes i think that in literary fiction, the villains really are villainous, and it is very like real life that way. but you know, its always very interesting how people insist on seeing literary villains as compelling heroes, such as Humbert Humbert or Lovelace, just because the author put so much work into making their interior world consistent. the power of great literature is that weak people with no moral sense of their own will always be taken in by the elaborate excuses in the mind of a child molester or rapist. anyway, back to my point, which was that romance fiction is so idealistic that people are rarely evil. and when they are, its usually because they have some sort of diagnosable problem, they are kind of an object of pity.

in the first book of this series, the heroine was really not interested in committing, but the hero was. in the second book, the hero was not interested in committing, but the heroine was. in the third neither are really interested in committing to each other, but it is about the idea of pursuing a "chemistry" that they dont feel with other people. one of them sort of believes in the idea that people can commit to each other but just is not interested in it, and the other of them does not believe in it. so its kind of interesting. the series is pretty good because the books are about different things but there is a progression as well. so i will be interested to see if the ideas continue to progress through the series.

there is too much sex in these books for me and i find it boring. since [MENTION=1669]Gist[/MENTION] mentioned about how every woman is supposed to enjoy fingering i am really noticing how much fingering is done in these scenes. it seems excessive and ridiculous. i think the reason for it is that it is supposed to be about the male character being mature enough to not use the female character as a masturbation sleeve, that he is paying attention to her arousal as well. so i think that is the point of it, but it also seems silly that there is so much of it.

 

[invisible]

back to reading library science articles for now i guess. so much study to do. boring....

 

[invisible]

i was thinking about two opposing views of romance readers that i have encountered (and that im sure i have mentioned before on this thread), being that romance readers have no lives, and the view of romance readers themselves which is that they have too much lives. when i was younger and had a lot of fight in me it was normal to want or expect dating, and to go on interesting dates. but i cant really remember what we talked about at the time. i usually think that all of the stuff that happened in my life since then, on top of all of the things that happened before, really blasted the fun out of me and made me boring. i dont really have a problem with being boring except that i dont really know anymore what people talk about that is interesting, and in a weird way i dont know how to make it matter. my "real-life" friendship circle has become very limited, partly due to former friends behaving in ways towards me such as lying or stealing or becoming violently aggressive, but also due to just having nothing to say anymore, feeling devoid of "personality" or interest. i definitely dont read these novels because they "turn me on" in any way (although i have nothing against people reading them to get turned on). i do usually feel emotional at the happy ending, when people get what they deserve. but most of the time i am just avidly reading and paying attention to the ways the author has set up the interactions between the characters. i want to see what the author thinks is normal ways for people to behave. what do they chat about with each other when they are together socially? how do they perform themselves as being "interesting" socially? what is "fun" about being social, as opposed to "boring", and how do they contribute fun and interest to their social interactions, or cause fun and interest to take place between themselves and another person?

 

[Kgal]

the Play-By-Play series im reading by Jaci Burton continues to be interesting. im up to book 3. the villain of the first book became the heroine of the second book, and the hero of the first book was the villain of the second book, which was pretty interesting. actually i really liked that because the characters were not REALLY badly intentioned, they just had to come to terms with their differences. sometimes i think that in literary fiction, the villains really are villainous, and it is very like real life that way. but you know, its always very interesting how people insist on seeing literary villains as compelling heroes, such as Humbert Humbert or Lovelace, just because the author put so much work into making their interior world consistent. the power of great literature is that weak people with no moral sense of their own will always be taken in by the elaborate excuses in the mind of a child molester or rapist. anyway, back to my point, which was that romance fiction is so idealistic that people are rarely evil. and when they are, its usually because they have some sort of diagnosable problem, they are kind of an object of pity.

in the first book of this series, the heroine was really not interested in committing, but the hero was. in the second book, the hero was not interested in committing, but the heroine was. in the third neither are really interested in committing to each other, but it is about the idea of pursuing a "chemistry" that they dont feel with other people. one of them sort of believes in the idea that people can commit to each other but just is not interested in it, and the other of them does not believe in it. so its kind of interesting. the series is pretty good because the books are about different things but there is a progression as well. so i will be interested to see if the ideas continue to progress through the series.

there is too much sex in these books for me and i find it boring. since @Gist mentioned about how every woman is supposed to enjoy fingering i am really noticing how much fingering is done in these scenes. it seems excessive and ridiculous. i think the reason for it is that it is supposed to be about the male character being mature enough to not use the female character as a masturbation sleeve, that he is paying attention to her arousal as well. so i think that is the point of it, but it also seems silly that there is so much of it.

:lol:

Yep.

In conversations with a man who had premature ejaculation issues I discovered research showed women were able to attain orgasms most often when the man could have intercourse with her for around 10 minutes - on average.

When you think about it - the finger was not the appendage designed for having sex now - was it? So why all the emphasis on it? If men want to learn how to give others orgasms - they need to improve mastery over their equipment. I know for a fact both male and female will experience better orgasmic events when they practice making it last.

There needs to be romance novels written on how women help the men keep their erections a long long time.

 

[Gaze]

For a long time I felt guilty about reading this genre. It was escapist and I felt like an ostrich burying their head in the sand. It also made me feel pathetic for a while, as if reading this type of fiction was some kind of underground thing to be ashamed of, feel bad about. Since it was commonly believed or stated that those who read so much had no life or were trying to avoid real life, it felt wrong somehow for a long time in indulge in this activity, until I realized that I actually enjoyed reading these books, and they gave me something nothing else did. In fact, it's such an important part of me (keeping me going especially life gets a little too challenging), that I don't think it can truly be replaced by anything else. It's been one of the few constants in my life. I don't think a partner, or anything else could replace the contentment I experience from reading a great book or novel which allows me to get lost in another world. It renews me in some ways, and enlivens me in others. I think as readers who enjoy it, sometimes it's like a guilty pleasure that connects with a part of you that feels as if it's made just for your enjoyment. You feel fed, as if your spirit is being nourished. Not that everything read is good, healthy, or substantive. But the act of reading and getting lost in this solitary experience, and being brought into another world where secretly hopes and dreams can drown in complete abandonment is extraordinary. I will try to enjoy this for as long as I can. I embrace it as part of who I am more fully than I once did, and I'm glad I did.

 

[Kgal]

For a long time I felt guilty about reading this genre. It was escapist and I felt like an ostrich burying their head in the sand. It also made me feel pathetic for a while, as if reading this type of fiction was some kind of underground thing to be ashamed of, feel bad about. Since it was commonly believed or stated that those who read so much had no life or were trying to avoid real life, it felt wrong somehow for a long time in indulge in this activity, until I realized that I actually enjoyed reading these books, and they gave me something nothing else did. In fact, it's such an important part of me (keeping me going especially life gets a little too challenging), that I don't think it can truly be replaced by anything else. It's been one of the few constants in my life. I don't think a partner, or anything else could replace the contentment I experience from reading a great book or novel which allows me to get lost in another world. It renews me in some ways, and enlivens me in others. I think as readers who enjoy it, sometimes it's like a guilty pleasure that connects with a part of you that feels as if it's made just for your enjoyment. You feel fed, as if your spirit is being nourished. Not that everything read is good, healthy, or substantive. But the act of reading and getting lost in this solitary experience, and being brought into another world where secretly hopes and dreams can drown in complete abandonment is extraordinary.
I will try to enjoy this for as long as I can. I embrace part of who I am more fully than I once did, and I'm glad I did.

I'm glad too!

 

[invisible]

For a long time I felt guilty about reading this genre. It was escapist and I felt like an ostrich burying their head in the sand. It also made me feel pathetic for a while, as if reading this type of fiction was some kind of underground thing to be ashamed of, feel bad about. Since it was commonly believed or stated that those who read so much had no life or were trying to avoid real life, it felt wrong somehow for a long time in indulge in this activity, until I realized that I actually enjoyed reading these books, and they gave me something nothing else did. In fact, it's such an important part of me (keeping me going especially life gets a little too challenging), that I don't think it can truly be replaced by anything else. It's been one of the few constants in my life. I don't think a partner, or anything else could replace the contentment I experience from reading a great book or novel which allows me to get lost in another world. It renews me in some ways, and enlivens me in others. I think as readers who enjoy it, sometimes it's like a guilty pleasure that connects with a part of you that feels as if it's made just for your enjoyment. You feel fed, as if your spirit is being nourished. Not that everything read is good, healthy, or substantive. But the act of reading and getting lost in this solitary experience, and being brought into another world where secretly hopes and dreams can drown in complete abandonment is extraordinary. I will try to enjoy this for as long as I can. I embrace it as part of who I am more fully than I once did, and I'm glad I did.

well said

i have no idea why people feel the compulsion to say cruel things indicating their contempt for others who are just enjoying something harmless. i think that maybe they are just not very intelligent.

for some reason, there is a culturally dominant belief that this genre is empty of content. other popular fiction genres, such as fantasy and crime, are treated as art forms. people go nuts for "Game of Thrones" and "Gone Girl". but for some reason, adult romance genre fictions are treated as having zero meaning within them. this is a distorted perspective. it has nothing to do with the actual value or potential of the generic products. it is a cultural attitude, similar to "it is cool to wear baseball caps backwards", ie "it is uncool to enjoy adult romance genre fiction".

sometimes i compare it to people who are avid readers of young adult fiction. i dont have anything against reading young adult fiction, but the fact is, that it is deliberately formulated and written to meet the needs of immature minds. for some reason, young adult fiction is treated as an acceptable product for consumption, but adult romance genre fiction is treated as vacuous garbage. this is a distorted perspective, it is not true to the actual reality of these products. the reality is that young adult is written for people who do not have mature minds, and adult romance genre fiction is written for people who have mature minds, just like adult science fictions or fantasy fictions or crime fictions. theres nothing to feel guilty about, we are fully entitled to enjoy it.