A true friend | INFJ Forum

A true friend

rbecca23

rbecca23

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May 17, 2010
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Who is someone in your life who you consider a true friend? Where the friendship seemed unconditional. Where you really didn't have to worry about being yourself?

Are you still a part of this friendship? Do you keep in touch?

If you aren't, what caused it to end? How do you cope?
 
I didn't really have any friends like that until a couple of years ago. They are highly empathic and can see beneath the surface, and saw me for who I really was. I tend to rub people who can't see below the surface the wrong way for some reason.

They changed my life in wonderful ways, and these friendships that I made are for a lifetime.
 
Yeah. Have a friend who i've known for 13 years, started back in college. We were both misfits you could say. We have slightly similar personalities and personal issues and similar enough backgrounds, so we understand each other more than most.

But the relationship wasn't always healthy. We were enablers but over the years, we learned, matured, and grew.

But in any case, wherever she goes in the US, or the world (because she's lived in and travelled to other states and countries throughout our friendship), we're able to pick up where we left off. We "get" each other and we don't have to pretend (which is a big plus).

Because she's not around, we don't have the chance to hang out but when she's in town, we try to do something like go to our favorite restaurant. She is accepting of "my stuff" and i'm accepting of hers. I'm not self conscious around her which is a rare thing because i'm self conscious around almost everyone. So, it's nice to have that.
 
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I had a friendship that had great potential to end up like yours. Mine was short-lived, though, and college is actually what tore it apart. I wished I had met her in college, but wishes are silly.
 
tovlo's a true friend and my best friend.

just tonight, as we laid in each other's arms, I looked into her eyes and I heard a Queen song in my head. :wink:


cheers,
Ian
 
I had a friend named Jordan in elementary school. I've never had a friend like him since. We always had a blast, and could talk about anything. His family basically adopted me, and I sometimes regret letting our friendship go.

I moved away in 4th grade, and we made it work for a while. Come high school though we kinda lost touch. Hanging out wasn't the same, and a distance began to be created between us. He moved to South Carolina maybe 3 years ago. I haven't seen him since. However, I think that with a little work somewhere in the future, we could pick up the friendship where we left it off. It's hard though, distance in a relationship doesn't normally work for me. I need someone's physical company to keep things working.
 
rbecca23 said:
Who is someone in your life who you consider a true friend? Where the friendship seemed unconditional. Where you really didn't have to worry about being yourself?

Are you still a part of this friendship? Do you keep in touch?

If you aren't, what caused it to end? How do you cope?
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NO. You see, I'm a type 9 intuitive. Therefore I simply withdraw and try to go under everybody's radar. However someone planted a mine and now everyone thinks I'm capable of great feats at the snap of my fingers. So most of my would-be friends usually spend their time trying to coax me out of my shell unproductively and without any regards to our relationship.

I have one recent friend who doesn't do this and another who's learning. I guess you could say there's a little bit of that INFJ symbiotic friendship bond there.

But unconditional friendship? I guess I could just have too high of expectations.
 
@TurtleTrooper -

High expectations aren't a bad thing, but I wonder why you keep so closed up. Does it not flatter you that these people are trying to get inside your shell and understand who you are?

Most people who aren't INFJs don't understand the whole need we have to withdraw, but once they do, it isn't so bad. But you have every right to be you :)
 
I am flattered by noninvasive techniques to peer inside my shell (ah, the irony), but I honestly feel like most people are too invasive, I feel like they are attacking me personally.

I am really an expressive person; I go off on tangents and I never really know what's going to inspire me. Therefore a lot of times there's nothing to see inside my shell as I'm just mulling over different possibilities. Most of them are null, it's just me intuitizing.

But most people don't see this. They see me holding out on them, staying shelled. This is where the invasive tactics usually come in, because I am one of those lucky ones with a very public personal life (thanks again). But in reality, I just haven't come up with anything worth mentioning yet. And chances are I won't come up with anything that ingenious anyways.
 
TurtleTrooper said:
I am flattered by noninvasive techniques to peer inside my shell (ah, the irony), but I honestly feel like most people are too invasive, I feel like they are attacking me personally.

I am really an expressive person; I go off on tangents and I never really know what's going to inspire me. Therefore a lot of times there's nothing to see inside my shell as I'm just mulling over different possibilities. Most of them are null, it's just me intuitizing.

But most people don't see this. They see me holding out on them, staying shelled.
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This sounds strangely familiar :m083: hmm
 
I don't understand what you mean, Res.
 
I have 5 true friends with a few more in the making. One is a very close friend whom I've known for 16 years. We are like family. However our lives are extremely different yet similar. We hardly keep in touch nor talk but the loyalty is there.

I make a conscious effort to text or call him every week or two. Through our friendship is strong he doesn't know everything about me. My only female friend happens to be a very dear and true friend. We met through a dating site, and surprisingly have a lot in common. She cares about me a lot but I think its because she knows my history that makes her care for me to that extent.

Compare to my other friends we have known each other the shortest. But I think she knows more about me than any other person. We hang out sometimes but she is very busy with university. At the moment she is back home until school starts....I need more female friends :m142:

I think my biggest issues with some friendships are many of my older friends are at a different stage in life compare to me. This limits the amount of time we hang out. Of course I would never ever get upset at them for their obligations. In fact if they weren't committed I would look down on them.

Then my number 2 problem, it has more to do with my distant personality. I have a very hard time keeping in touch with people. It's not that I forget to talk to them but its just I keep putting it off. Days go to weeks, and weeks into months. I feel like a bad friend sometimes because I am seldom the one who calls its always them calling me most of the time.

The few good friends I've lost well it mostly angers me. The memories and friendship built I think you lose a bit of yourself with each deep relationship. I just move on, it gets a little lonely at first but you adjust.
 
Can I just say that so far, I LOVE this forum? People actually post meaningful, thoughtful responses to meaningful, thoughtful topics. Of course, what else would I expect from INFJs?

Back to subject.

My best friend and I have known each other since Kindergarten, and have been best friends since 3rd grade. We do everything at the same time, we have the same weird sense of humor, and we've told each other's stories so many times that sometimes we can't remember who they actually happened to! Our lives have shaped each other in so many ways. We're really similar in some ways (she's ENFJ!), yet we are also really different in some ways.
 
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I take back what I said earlier. I have an amazing friend, and I love her so much. I am incredibly grateful.
 
I have some good friends, but nothing like you described, at least not in the real world anyway.
 
rbecca23 said:
Who is someone in your life who you consider a true friend? Where the friendship seemed unconditional. Where you really didn't have to worry about being yourself?

Are you still a part of this friendship? Do you keep in touch?

If you aren't, what caused it to end? How do you cope?
Click to expand...

I don't want to say anything about this. According to me, true things are supposed to keep in your heart. When time is there, then you should say otherwise it will be considered as mean or mushy thing.

yes, i have unconditional friendships.
 
Requiem said:
Then my number 2 problem, it has more to do with my distant personality. I have a very hard time keeping in touch with people. It's not that I forget to talk to them but its just I keep putting it off. Days go to weeks, and weeks into months. I feel like a bad friend sometimes because I am seldom the one who calls its always them calling me most of the time.

The few good friends I've lost well it mostly angers me. The memories and friendship built I think you lose a bit of yourself with each deep relationship. I just move on, it gets a little lonely at first but you adjust.
Click to expand...



I can relate to what you mean about feeling like a bad friend - I am not the initiating type when it comes to relationships, only because I don't think about it; it's not in my nature. I enjoy deep, deep relationships of any sort, but to keep it going is sometimes a challenge, because I like my alone time. However, for those who are extremely close to me, I try extra hard to keep in close contact with them.
 
I have one, but he is a lot older- 40 with a wife and 2 kids I'm sure he's an ENFJ. But after a little tiff and me moving away to uni we haven't trained together for a long time. So I don't have any friendships really.
 
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