A question you've never been asked because everyone knows the answer | INFJ Forum

A question you've never been asked because everyone knows the answer

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Fizzitster, Dec 11, 2009.

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  1. Fizzitster

    Fizzitster Regular Poster

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    For some reason, one of the circuits in my brain didn't connect on its hormonal due date. So here you go:

    How is friendly attraction different from romantic attraction? When it comes to people of the opposite gender, how do you determine whether this person will be "just a friend" or "more than a friend?" It's not that I'm a totally asexual being; I've just never really felt the desire to be "more than friends" with any particular person. Anyway, is romance really anything more than friendship expressed in a different manner?
     
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  2. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    Its not something thats easy to explain...Its a feeling...for most you can still be sexually attracted to some one but long for nothing more than friendship...perhaps you just havnt met anyone for whom you are compatible with
     
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  3. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Yes, you can do this. More in friendship. Take more interest in person as friend. Make sure you are not crossing boundaries of friendship. Spend time with each other. but always to keep in mind, you are friend of him. Just don't want any romantic relationship with him.
     
  4. Stellar Affinity

    Stellar Affinity Community Member

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    Well if you're truly only 14 years old, then you have *plenty* of time to meet other people who could possibly turn out to be a romantic interest. Maybe somewhere inside of you, you're more focused on your personal life (family, school, etc) to even consider dating at this point in your life. I was like that when I was your age as well. I simply wasn't that interested in dating even though everyone around me fell in and out of love within a matter of days. I'm not sure if it was a conscious or unconscious decision to stay away from romance at such a young and vulnerable age. Looking back, I realize that that actually wasn't that much of a bad thing.

    I think that romance and friendship are somewhat similar. :)
     
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  5. Roger

    Roger ...

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    I believe there is a line between love and friendship. Don't mix up it, otherwise you may fall in dilemma. :D
     
  6. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    If you really are 14, my advice to you is to not care about it for a very long time. The main difference between friendly attraction and romantic attraction is that romantic attraction leads to sex, whereas friendly attraction does not. At least, that is the way guys who pursue you are going to think, regardless of how I am crucified by the romantics on this forum that will tell you about the spiritual connection or whatever.
     
  7. Ria

    Ria Snow White over the ocean

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    Yea, I understand...

    It's funny though, I actually only feel sexual attraction for whoever I'm in love with.

    I can be out and about, get hit on and not even be aware of it (because I suck at reading guys and girls who flirt with me), and even if they are attractive, I actually don't even notice it...

    Yea, I guess it's a "Ria" thing, that one >g<

    I wouldn't put too much weight on it, as far as feeling any which way about it, although I do agree, it's an interesting thought to ponder.
     
  8. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
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    funny you mention that crucifixion...

    well, its true for a lot of guys, those romantics do mean, sex but there are genuine guys out there, for whom romantics in more than sex.

    the best answer I can give you is that romantic attraction makes you want a particularly close connection that is exclusive. thats the most scientific answer I can give you (without going into neuro-evolutionary-psychology). Really, that feeling is something special that you'll recognize when it comes. Its kind of like when you really can't get them off your mind. You may be able to concentrate at the task at hand, but they're there in the back of you mind, always. You're only 14, and while I know you do NOT want to be considered young, you still have time to figure this out.
     
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  9. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Friendly advice: feel free to doubt any mysterious concepts which people like to use, without being able to define properly and substantiate in reality.

    Difference between friendship and romantic attraction.
    Friends you may just like for their character, but:
    - not want to live with them, or have kids with them, or raise kids with them
    - not being sexually attracted to them

    Love is not sex, and yet nobody is able to define the difference. It's not just friendship with sex. The best explanation we have so far seems to be pheromones. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone But it's not sufficiently studied in humans.

    As long as there is subconscious element involved, which the brain doesn't fully account, and it is not yet studied - the magical explanations will continue. Which isn't a reason to trust them.

    About age / asexuality and so on. At least this is easy to see: people vary in their range of sexual attraction; some like very few people, others like most people etc. There's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully, there isn't a law to force you to find your suitable mate by some age, and the social norms are just the product of traditional misunderstanding of the human variety - so you have full right to tell them to leave you alone if they pressure you.

    In short, don't worry at all, it will come as much, and when, it is time for it.

    p.s. This is kind of irrelevant, but if you are not much into sports / healthy eating , it can have additional effect. I mean, if your body doesn't feel very well, then you are also not able to sense its needs truthfully. So in general it is good to keep in decent health; regardless of the topic we discuss here, and it can have influence on the ability of the body to inform you of subtle needs.
     
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    #9 enfp can be shy, Dec 11, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  10. OP
    Fizzitster

    Fizzitster Regular Poster

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    Oh, I'm not really worried about it - just curious. I think there's a spiritual connection among close friends too, though. The question is, why do some relationships head in a sexual direction and others not? How do one's pheromones decide?
     
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  11. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    one day you'll know or maybe not, either way not something simply explained
     
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