1a. How do you deal with being belittled by your superiors (bosses, professors, etc)? I've just spent an hour sobbing due to this.
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I am ashamed of my insistence on love. "I want to be a horrifying woman"- Belladonna of Sadness (1973).
I rose from bed to write here. I should be sleeping, exam tomorrow. I'm in college. It sucks.
I think about my pain over and over again like a guilty pleasure. I relive it and punish myself. I know I should instead show mercy.
It is 11:11pm and this is a coincidence. The snow has turned to rain and I cannot fall asleep.
8. Last patient of the day coming soon. I think about eating again. Which of the 7 sins are you? I don't know if I could pick just one.
7. People talking, laughing. I imagine hitting the wall hard mid-conversation. They go silent, I try not to laugh. LIke they'd hear me.
6. I press my ear against the wall to listen to the office next door.
5. I don't know why I look through things. I don't mean any harm. Curiosity lives in this cat. I won't be killed.
4. Found an old notebook. Fluffy handwriting. Last page: "Doormen sell naked women 0.25c. Good pickles and white wine". Scribbly hearts.
3. I am bored. I rummage through my boss's messy drawers. Pink paper glitter straws, expired cola bottles, gas relieving pills.
2. Today in particular is a long day. It is snowing outside and I feel compelled to jump out the window and fly.
1. I work alone in a small office. Don't mind the solitude.
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Sometimes Like Poison
Everything new within your eyes was everything you feared in disguise.