Would you rather be wanted or needed?

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

no worries @Synergos
vroom vroom safely <3

 

[zsedftghj830]

I have to second everything Winter put so eloquently. Be kind to yourself, where you are. You already know what you're working on. You can make connections without compromising on those things which you consider a boundary for your own mental health and happiness. If those things seem too rigid for others, that isn't up to them, it's up to you, as Winter said. It's how you feel about what you need, and how you operate. Wishing you clarity as you figure these things out for yourself.

 

[Gaze]

Both? I miss the idea of being wanted, but I also like being needed because as @Misty mentioned, being needed may lead to being wanted. However, I don't just want to be needed, because then people just want to use you, get what they need, and disappear vs. appreciate and reciprocate. It's nice to have a balance of both. I am nervous about just want because I think wants can be fickle as well. Do you want me for the long term or short term? If your mind changes too quickly or easily about what you want and your wants change at a whim, then I don't want to be wanted by someone for the interim. I am a commitment person, if I want you, I want you, so I am NOT going to play games. If you're going to be inconsistent in your wants, then bye!

 

[Misty]

Both? I miss the idea of being wanted, but I also like being needed because as @Misty mentioned, being needed may lead to being wanted. However, I don't just want to be needed, because then people just want to use you, get what they need, and disappear vs. appreciate and reciprocate. It's nice to have a balance of both. I am nervous about just want because I think wants can be fickle as well. Do you want me for the long term or short term? If you're mind changes too quickly or easily about what you want and your wants change at a whim, then I don't want to be wanted by someone for the interim. I am a commitment person, if I want you, I want you, so I am going to play games. If you're going to be inconsistent in your wants, then bye!

Totally agree, Gaze. <3 Well said. ^

 

[Wildfire]

I don't think it's really a simple black or white kind of thing. We want to be needed, we need to be wanted, etc. We always connect in dynamic ways.

But let's ask Cheap Trick

 

[seeofheart]

To be needed because I am loved, not loved because I am needed.

 

[Bizarre3]

Mostly to be wanted

 

[April]

Wanted!!! But what's really nice is to be wanted so much it feels like need <3

 

[Anomalous]

Want implies choice. I want to be chosen.

 

[aeon]

No preference, as both are a given. I both want and need my sweetie. I‘m absolutely dependent upon her being in my life. I need her, no question. She would say the same. I want her too.

But let’s not settle with these basic sentiments...what about being understood, accepted, adored, desired, and loved?

Cheers,
Ian

 

[Matty]

Needed. I like having a purpose/duty/responsibility.

Being wanted can be annoying, I associate it with clingy people.

 

[April]

I am clingy af lolol

Edit: When I'm in love or in an intimate headspace. Other times I can be like, get off me! Lol

 

[SkinandnoBones]

What I want is the willingness for lady to want to see who I am to get who i am

 

[John K]

No preference, as both are a given. I both want and need my sweetie. I‘m absolutely dependent upon her being in my life. I need her, no question. She would say the same. I want her too.

But let’s not settle with these basic sentiments...what about being understood, accepted, adored, desired, and loved?

Cheers,
Ian

Yes! Very much so. If you live with anyone for a long time you grow together and become a single thing - you and they become so entwined that there is no easy separating you. I think the tension between want and need is misleading because in good relationships they are inseparable and bound up with so much more, like you say.

It’s not just in romantic relationships either that things are so. Take the relationship we have with our children and parents, brothers and sisters. In families that work ok there is a very tight bond of love, want and need that lies at the heart of it. Oh there’s all the squabbling and misunderstanding too lol, but that’s what it is to be human and we love each other regardless. In particular, our children when they are very young are completely dependent on us physically and emotionally and we love them completely and unconditionally for it. Even when they are older the bond is still strong as we help them out with mortgages and childcare for their own kids.

I think it’s one of the glories of human life that we form these mutual dependency bonds which are much more than the individuals themselves. The price we pay is the pain we suffer if the bonds are broken.